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April 2014
Whilst I was supposed to be 'resting'.
21 Apr 2014, 13:07
October 2013
August 2013
July 2013
5 blog entries
Page 1 of 1
Don't give up before you have even started.
I started this as a reply to someone else's post and thought it should be here instead and maybe on the inspirational stories section.
I think I have done WW 7 times and Slimming World 9 times. That is an awful lot of money over the years. The number of attempts may be higher. I have ALWAYS put the minuscule amount of weight back on plus its friend, because I couldn't carry on with the constant guilt trips because I caved in and had a biscuit, which turned into the whole packet of biscuits.
I have been on anti-depressants because my feelings of failure, due to my weight, spread into the rest of my life. At one point I was on the verge of divorcing my (utterly lovely) husband because I thought he must be a pervert of some kind for actually wanting to have sex with the blob I had become, my self loathing was so extreme.
I became my weight, I was judged, by others, in my own mind on nothing but my weight. I assumed people were being nice to my face then being bitchy behind my back....
Continued
I think I have done WW 7 times and Slimming World 9 times. That is an awful lot of money over the years. The number of attempts may be higher. I have ALWAYS put the minuscule amount of weight back on plus its friend, because I couldn't carry on with the constant guilt trips because I caved in and had a biscuit, which turned into the whole packet of biscuits.
I have been on anti-depressants because my feelings of failure, due to my weight, spread into the rest of my life. At one point I was on the verge of divorcing my (utterly lovely) husband because I thought he must be a pervert of some kind for actually wanting to have sex with the blob I had become, my self loathing was so extreme.
I became my weight, I was judged, by others, in my own mind on nothing but my weight. I assumed people were being nice to my face then being bitchy behind my back....
Continued
4 Comments Viewed 7675 times
I never lacked WILLPOWER!
How many times have you heard it, from friends, from loved ones, parents, sisters, strangers in the queue at the supermarket, whispered behind you on the bus, on the way home from work.
"All you need is WILLPOWER to lose weight". As if it is a major deficiency of mental ability, a social stigma that is the equivalent of having leprosy. "You don't have will power, you weakling!"
For half my life I believed I lacked 'will power', that I had this mental illness that shoved me down the social acceptability scales by many points. All because of one aspect in my life, just one. The inability to lose weight. The worst offender was my mother. She had an overactive thyroid all her life, she couldn't have put on weight if she had tried. But she was the most hurtful critic, I just didn't come up to standards she set, even knowing she had an unfair advantage. The numbers of times she managed to sabotage my weight loss with little snippets of barbed comments along the lines of...
Continued
"All you need is WILLPOWER to lose weight". As if it is a major deficiency of mental ability, a social stigma that is the equivalent of having leprosy. "You don't have will power, you weakling!"
For half my life I believed I lacked 'will power', that I had this mental illness that shoved me down the social acceptability scales by many points. All because of one aspect in my life, just one. The inability to lose weight. The worst offender was my mother. She had an overactive thyroid all her life, she couldn't have put on weight if she had tried. But she was the most hurtful critic, I just didn't come up to standards she set, even knowing she had an unfair advantage. The numbers of times she managed to sabotage my weight loss with little snippets of barbed comments along the lines of...
Continued
2 Comments Viewed 4800 times
Unheard of before 5:2
Something I have noticed is that before 5:2 my husband was always complaining that the treats had all gone before he got a look in. Namely a bar of chocolate or a cake, would be bought and his share would be eaten within hours, before he decided he fancied it, 3 days later. In other words he has a normal relationship with food, sugary, treat foods are just that treats.
Now, I have a cupboard of treats, bars of chocolate, mini muffins, biscuits. Talking about biscuits, I used to have to BAN biscuits from the house because I didn't have any control over biscuits. Open the packet and I would eat the whole packet, to myself, dunking them in tea and whoosh, 10 minutes later they were gone 700kcal+. Half the time I didn't remember or realise I was eating them. But now, there are 6 packets of biscuits in the house, I have eaten 4 biscuits in the last week, four individual biscuits, not four packets in the last week.. This would have been unheard of in the past. We have had to stop buying in...
Continued
Now, I have a cupboard of treats, bars of chocolate, mini muffins, biscuits. Talking about biscuits, I used to have to BAN biscuits from the house because I didn't have any control over biscuits. Open the packet and I would eat the whole packet, to myself, dunking them in tea and whoosh, 10 minutes later they were gone 700kcal+. Half the time I didn't remember or realise I was eating them. But now, there are 6 packets of biscuits in the house, I have eaten 4 biscuits in the last week, four individual biscuits, not four packets in the last week.. This would have been unheard of in the past. We have had to stop buying in...
Continued
Last edited by Julieathome on 03 Aug 2013, 14:58, edited 1 time in total.
3 Comments Viewed 3804 times
19 weeks in, first blog post.
Hmmmm, lets see, just some rambling thoughts actually.
When I started 5:2, back in late February, I was desperate, so was my eldest son. We both need surgery (for different things) and both our anesthetists have said no, not unless its life or death, until we both get our weight under 40 BMI. For me it means continuing constant pain, agonising, sobbing my heart out pain at times, for my son it has meant the loss of his job, his home and depression.
I have dieted all my life, people think I have done nothing but overeat all my life, nothing could be further from the truth, I have dieted all my life. I have had the carb loaded breakfast, I have had the 3 portions of fruit, I have cut fats out of my diet, I bowed at the alter of the food pyramid, I have obeyed dietitians, Weight watchers, Slimming World, doctors and the media all my adult life. I was a good girl and I ended up being 281 lbs and getting fat buster diet pills pushed by big pharma.
Now that I am ignoring official advice...
Continued
When I started 5:2, back in late February, I was desperate, so was my eldest son. We both need surgery (for different things) and both our anesthetists have said no, not unless its life or death, until we both get our weight under 40 BMI. For me it means continuing constant pain, agonising, sobbing my heart out pain at times, for my son it has meant the loss of his job, his home and depression.
I have dieted all my life, people think I have done nothing but overeat all my life, nothing could be further from the truth, I have dieted all my life. I have had the carb loaded breakfast, I have had the 3 portions of fruit, I have cut fats out of my diet, I bowed at the alter of the food pyramid, I have obeyed dietitians, Weight watchers, Slimming World, doctors and the media all my adult life. I was a good girl and I ended up being 281 lbs and getting fat buster diet pills pushed by big pharma.
Now that I am ignoring official advice...
Continued
5 Comments Viewed 6648 times
5 blog entries
Page 1 of 1
Whilst I was supposed to be 'resting'.
by Julieathome on 21 Apr 2014, 13:07
Continued