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calling it quits
28 Apr 2015, 12:09
last week of DODO
26 Apr 2015, 21:51
too complicated
25 Apr 2015, 12:51
Apples
17 Apr 2015, 00:15
tomatoes on toast
15 Apr 2015, 00:03
DODO fast 2 and 3
12 Apr 2015, 13:50
New regime: Fast #1 of the DODO challenge
09 Apr 2015, 06:14
2nd Fastiversary
06 Apr 2015, 23:59
taking a break
by Sallyo on 17 May 2014, 12:42
So mum has died. First the home was in Lock down due to a gastro attack. From the start of May I couldn't visit her.
Then we went to Adelaide. Mum got the gastro but only briefly, then she apparently recovered. While we were in Adelaide, the home rang me to say she was poorly, had stopped talking to them. Once they rang on my mobile in the middle of the night. I thought that was odd, especially when i rang them in the morning and was told there wasn't any change in her condition.
We came back on the Ferry on Tuesday night and on Wednesday I went to work, in the lesson before lunch, Tony rang the school and the office lady came to tell me that i had to go up to the home immediately. I left work.
Mum was lying on her side, she looked at me as if she knew me, but frequently her eyes were rolling back in her head and she was breathing through her mouth. I stayed until 6pm and then came home for tea. I went back and stayed the night. At times she was moaning and seemed distressed. They were administering morphine and kept modifying the dose until by 5am she seemed to be asleep, breathing regularly. I came home to sleep.
Next day Libby and Alison arrived from Melbourne. They stayed the day there. I went home and made an apple cake. I was aware that I was about to have a house of visitors and I would need to feed them. It was nurturing to be cooking.
When I went in to pick up Alison who needed to come home to sleep, a Brahms song was playing on the radio - Death drops gently - or some such title. It was hard to leave. Mum became distressed and I didn't know if she was wanting me to stay. I decided it wasn't about me, but how can i know? Libby stayed until 11pm when she texted to say that mum was breathing comfortably and they thought it didn't make sense to stay all night. We didn't know how long it was going to go on for.
In the middle of the night, at 3am, the phone rang and it was Karingal to say Mum had died. We all felt regret that we hadn't been there, but, like I said, we didn't know how long it was going to go on for. I would have loved to be there at the moment when she stopped breathing. But it wasn't to be. The point is, she went when she was ready and she is now at peace. It has been a long time coming. 6 years of increasing dementia and frailty.
It is quite hard to grasp that she is gone. It has been an ongoing and central part of my life, visiting mum at the home, bringing flowers from the garden, reading to her. And if I didn't, feeling guilty.
I can't quite grasp how my days will now be all my own. Mum herself, the vibrant, critical, intelligent, active and always on the go mother we knew, had gone long ago. So for the past 6 years, she was here, but not here. The long goodbye.
I didn't fast all last week or the week I was in Adelaide. Now I feel that I am getting fat. Thank goodness I am back to fasting next week. I hope I haven't done irreparable damage! My weight loss feels fragile. My silk pants fitted well tonight, but I feel fat. I don't dare weigh myself. I will weigh myself next Friday after fasting Monday and Thursday. I hope it won't be hard to get back to it.