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4 replies Page 1 of 1

taking a break

by Sallyo on 17 May 2014, 12:42

hello Blog.

So mum has died. First the home was in Lock down due to a gastro attack. From the start of May I couldn't visit her.

Then we went to Adelaide. Mum got the gastro but only briefly, then she apparently recovered. While we were in Adelaide, the home rang me to say she was poorly, had stopped talking to them. Once they rang on my mobile in the middle of the night. I thought that was odd, especially when i rang them in the morning and was told there wasn't any change in her condition.

We came back on the Ferry on Tuesday night and on Wednesday I went to work, in the lesson before lunch, Tony rang the school and the office lady came to tell me that i had to go up to the home immediately. I left work.

Mum was lying on her side, she looked at me as if she knew me, but frequently her eyes were rolling back in her head and she was breathing through her mouth. I stayed until 6pm and then came home for tea. I went back and stayed the night. At times she was moaning and seemed distressed. They were administering morphine and kept modifying the dose until by 5am she seemed to be asleep, breathing regularly. I came home to sleep.

Next day Libby and Alison arrived from Melbourne. They stayed the day there. I went home and made an apple cake. I was aware that I was about to have a house of visitors and I would need to feed them. It was nurturing to be cooking.

When I went in to pick up Alison who needed to come home to sleep, a Brahms song was playing on the radio - Death drops gently - or some such title. It was hard to leave. Mum became distressed and I didn't know if she was wanting me to stay. I decided it wasn't about me, but how can i know? Libby stayed until 11pm when she texted to say that mum was breathing comfortably and they thought it didn't make sense to stay all night. We didn't know how long it was going to go on for.

In the middle of the night, at 3am, the phone rang and it was Karingal to say Mum had died. We all felt regret that we hadn't been there, but, like I said, we didn't know how long it was going to go on for. I would have loved to be there at the moment when she stopped breathing. But it wasn't to be. The point is, she went when she was ready and she is now at peace. It has been a long time coming. 6 years of increasing dementia and frailty.

It is quite hard to grasp that she is gone. It has been an ongoing and central part of my life, visiting mum at the home, bringing flowers from the garden, reading to her. And if I didn't, feeling guilty.

I can't quite grasp how my days will now be all my own. Mum herself, the vibrant, critical, intelligent, active and always on the go mother we knew, had gone long ago. So for the past 6 years, she was here, but not here. The long goodbye.

I didn't fast all last week or the week I was in Adelaide. Now I feel that I am getting fat. Thank goodness I am back to fasting next week. I hope I haven't done irreparable damage! My weight loss feels fragile. My silk pants fitted well tonight, but I feel fat. I don't dare weigh myself. I will weigh myself next Friday after fasting Monday and Thursday. I hope it won't be hard to get back to it.

Katharina is my fasting buddy.
4 Comments   Viewed 4988 times

Comments

Re: taking a break
17 May 2014, 14:18
Sallyo - Huge hugs to you. I'm so sorry to read of the loss of your mother. This is indeed a big change. I hope you survive the week of stress and visitors and are able to find the good memories as you spend time with everyone. We'll be here when you get back on track.
Re: taking a break
17 May 2014, 15:14
Sending you best wishes at such a sad time for you Sally. I am sure you will get back into the fasting when the time is right for you.
Re: taking a break
18 May 2014, 01:52
Oh Sally you were there for your mum have no doubt. Some people just go when you walk out if the room. It's lovely that she recognised you when you got back from South Australia. She was a grand age. Also it was lively to read you description of her, she sounds as though she was a wonderful woman. Sending you hugs and you will be fine getting back in track only when it's right. Be gentle on you now
Re: taking a break
22 May 2014, 15:08
I am so sorry to read of your loss and send you my love and deep condolences. I am sure that you will have a whole storehouse of happy memories that will eventually help to ease the immediate sadness of now. x
4 replies Page 1 of 1

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