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Quietly Inspired
17 Sep 2013, 00:49

Me, I struggle with my weight
10 Sep 2013, 01:09

Moogie's win: My win
06 Sep 2013, 21:44

8 replies Page 1 of 1

Me, I struggle with my weight

by danalu on 10 Sep 2013, 01:09

I have always struggled with my weight. That sentence is probably the problem right there...

In fact I haven't always struggled with my weight. When I was a kid, I didn't struggle at all; I just ate whatever I wanted. And when I was a teenager, I continued to eat exactly what I wanted, but I was active and I LOVED being active - whether it was a dance class or a bush walk or a random baseball game or a leisurely walk on the beach. I wasn't any good at sports but I loved to be active. Somehow that kept the weight off, and effortlessly too.

But I always thought I was fat. Compared to some of the kids you see now, I wasn't fat at all. I was 'big boned' (what is that?). But not fat. That didn't stop kids from calling me fat, because inevitably I was indeed the 'fattest' kid in the class.

Even up through my first pregnancy at age 38, I remained fit and relatively 'unfat'. It was only after my second pregnancy at age 40, that the weight started piling on. I still ate exactly what I wanted, because I had been doing that my whole life. I was still somewhat active... but things had changed. The weight stayed on, and the weight gain grew. And currently I am about 10 kilos heavier than I was during my pregnancies.

I struggle with my weight. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain I still believe that I can eat whatever I want and this will make no difference whatsoever to my waistline. So I eat whatever I want. Yes I can do the two, sometimes three fast days, but on the non-fast days, I eat whatever I want and it is always too much.

I struggle with my weight. And that sentence right there is probably the problem in a nutshell. Because if I didn't constantly repeat that to myself, maybe I could change the way I THINK and then, the way I BEHAVE, ACT, BELIEVE, MAKE CHOICES.

I get on the 5:2 fast diet forum and I marvel at the way people just seem to get on with it. They make the decision and then they stick with it, stumbling sometimes but then getting right back on track. And then three, four, five months after they've made the decision, they see the results they want - 10 Kilograms lost and happiness!!! They've reached their goal.

I make the decision, and then stick with it for a few weeks, and then make the decision not to stick with it and go back to my way of 'struggling with my weight' and 'eating whatever I want'. I really do marvel at the way people just decide to change their lives. What is the magic formula? What is it??? How do you just make that decision and then stick to it. It is truly a mystery to me.

I look at other goals I've set for myself in my life. I wanted to go and live and to do my university studies in France. So I bought a one-way ticket when I was 19 and that's what I did. I wanted to work at the U.N. in NYC. So I applied and saved the money working two jobs and got in as unpaid management intern. I wanted to join the Peace Corps. I applied and got in. I wanted to meet someone special and be in relationship. It happened. I wanted a job in an impressive consulting firm. I interviewed for one of the Big Five but didn't get it. I wanted to overcome my fear of public speaking. So got a job as a public speaking consultant in a boutique consulting firm. I wanted children. I couldn't have them so went through an intensive IVF process and my blessed miracle, had children.

All these goals I had in life, by hook or by crook I achieved them. But they were EASY compared to the goal of losing weight.

This morning I was 'tagged' on Facebook by a mother acquaintance at my kids' school who barely gave me the time of day when I would see her. She moved to a new town and before she moved, couldn't be bothered including me in the 'going away luncheon' with 15 other mothers. This morning I see the 'tag' that she has included me in saying 'This morning I am feeling it. I miss all your beautiful faces at school. I am really lonely'.

I got that tag and I went and stuffed my face in the kitchen. How *bleep* up is that. I feel angry, rejected and vindicated all at the same time. So she is lonely. Well so have I been ever since I moved to this new town and have found myself excluded over and over again. (Is it because I am fat?) But instead of just having a 'Hmmmm that's interesting' kind of moment and 'Maybe I could take this time to show compassion and empathise with her' kind of action, or simply just move on with my life, I wallow. And then I overeat. That is *bleep* up.

Yes I'm having a hard time 'being easy on myself' and the fatter I get, the more this is the way of it. I struggle with my weight. I seem to struggle with a lot of things going on lately.

How do people just make decisions to move on, get over it, achieve their goals, make new friends, find joyous, rewarding, inclusive, loving communities?

How do you just do it? Because me, I am struggling.
Last edited by danalu on 10 Sep 2013, 01:11, edited 1 time in total.

Vouloir, c'est pouvoir
8 Comments   Viewed 23834 times

Comments

Dear Danalu,

thanks for this post. I do relate to what you write. Like you, I also reached many goals in life that others find impossible, BUT never got to manage something "simple" as my weight.

I have been overweight, up to mildly obese, half of my life (the second half); as a kid, just like you.

Now, you are asking what is the magic formula. I can tell you that now I am like many other enthusiasts in the forum, I found IT and it's magic because it fits me. I believe that every diet works: Dukan, Atkins, metabolic balance (popular in Germany), South beach, cabbage soup, you name it, all of those work to lose weight, and worked with me, too. Up to when I lost interest.

It turns out that what I needed were three things:

1) motivation - the same kind that get me through my other goals - something that resonates deep down.

2) a wake up call, in my case it was seeing me in a picture taken by someone else without me knowing. Somehow, even though I knew I was overweight, till that moment I did not see it (LOL: it is a bit like those girls who are thin and see themselves fat in the mirror, but the other way around).

3) a plan that I knew, again, deep down, it could work with my lifestyle. Because I like my lifestyle and while I can modify it temporarily to follow a diet, in the very end I want to keep it; I now know that it will not work with other diets than 5:2 (or fasting based diets in general).

I am now losing the weight (-10Kg in three months), I should reach my goal in time for my 50th birthday (I need to lose 20, ideally 25 kg, not little) next year and I am already seeing how this will eventually work lifelong.

So, my advice to you is: find what is right for you, something that is not a miracle diet (20 Kg in 20 days sort of thing) but a miracle eating plan that fits your lifestyle and resonate with you. All the other, it is my experience and I gather of many others in the forum, will work, sure, but only temporarily.

best wishes
valentina
.
Hi Valentina,

Good advice. I am thinking about it...

Thanks for taking the time to reply and share part of your journey.

Congratulations and well done you :-)

D
You are welcome, glad I could help. In addition to having similar histories and similar starting BMI, we also share something else: I am a trekkie, too!
Live Long and Prosper
vale
I'm really glad you wrote this. I read it this morning and you have been on my mind all day. I reckon 80 to 90% of folks who inhabit this site could have written something similar at a point in their lives. Kudos to you for having the guts to write it down. Emotional eating is why most diets end up in failure, and I'm no expert but I wonder if 5:2 is a good 'work around' as you are only really a day away from being able to eat 'normally'. My situation is different to yours right now, but there have been times for various reasons when I have felt isolated and have used food as a distraction. The only reason why I gave myself a good talking to was because it was affecting my health and I value that more than anything. Only 18 months ago I was 120lbs and I ballooned very quickly after a difficult period in my life (I have no idea how some decide to stop eating as a way of coping). There is loads of self help on tinternet on emotional eating and how to work through it. But fundamentally, you have to do it for you, no-one else, not even your family and there will be a time when it clicks in your head. Meantime, use us as a support group. Also know your trigger foods, ie what do you turn to when you are sad/angry/upset/lonely/all of the above. Mine are crisps, wine and chocolate. Eating these trips me into a binge. If I avoid these, I can work through it eventually.
Hi rawkaren,

Thank you for writing. It is so, so, so good to know there are other people out there who have struggled too, because really, I get the feeling in my flits and starts on the forum that people just get it. They get it. They stick to it. To me, it really does feel like a magic formula. Yet, I also agree with you that something trips you up and all of a sudden it clicks. I have had that feeling, from time to time! But then I forget and have to start all over again...

I really wanted 5:2 to be the end-all, be-all. Like you said the good 'work around'. It still could be, I have no doubt. I guess what I am sick of is starting/stopping/starting/stopping, losing momentum, starting up again, getting tripped up, falling back, back, back, starting up again. It is THAT process that is the exhausting enigma for me... anyway...

Trigger foods are interesting. I reckon it would be the glass of red wine at the end of the day for me :-) Very good food for thought though. I will ruminate on that next.

Thanks again for writing.
D
Hi Vale,

Yey fellow Trekky! If there was a 'like' button or 'thumbs up' button, I would have pushed that on your last post. Sharing Star Trek, histories, now if I could just share your weight lost :-)

D
You will, in three months from now.
Mark my words and we'll talk again before Christmas ;-)
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