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- May 2014

A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

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Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:
36 blog entries Page 1 of 8

A bittersweet week

by daydreamer21 on 16 May 2014, 19:03

This week has had some trials, I think I'm over the worst of it right now. On Monday I had to take a day off work because I was in so much pain with my back, which is what I was afraid would happen once I started physio again. So Mondays fast day was pretty easy, laid in bed all day sipping water and black coffee. Over the weekend I had been talking to my best friend Michelle who is starting weight loss again and has seen the results I've had with IF and wants to combine that with paleo- we then had a long talk about carbs and something in my brain snapped, this week I wanted to try low carb. I have resisted anything sweet (a huge achievement for me), crackers, cakes, I don't eat bread so that's a no brainer. Only tricky part has been dinner when I don't cook for myself, I've been leaving potatoes and sweet corn and anything remotely carb-esk and it's paid off! Yesterday I was 93.5kg!!! I never thought I could get down this low, I felt on top of the world!
Today I had an appointment at...

Continued

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Tried being productive today....

by daydreamer21 on 04 May 2014, 18:39

For whatever reason, today I felt the need to declutter some of my room. I have cleared my desk (which was piled high with junk), my dressing table, sorted out some of my shoes, and cleared and cleaned my bedside cabinet.....And the room looks no different *sigh*. I'm starting to organise myself for when Jamie moves in but I guess that's not going to be an easy process, I own too much rubbish!!! I need to go through my clothes again as well and get rid of things I haven't worn for ages or are too big (this will be about the third or forth time in the past year) I feel a little accomplished but looking at the room still thoroughly depressed by the state of it lol.

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I'm so terrible at keeping up to date with blogs!

by daydreamer21 on 28 Apr 2014, 17:12

Once again, it's been awhile since I wrote a blog- I'm so hopeless at remembering to do this stuff!!! In the beginning it was a useful tool for me to unload some of my emotional burden, but I think as I've come to terms with my life, myself, my situations and my weight I haven't felt anywhere near as emotionally unstable (I guess fasting is repairing more than just my body!)

Easter came and flew by, very quickly. My time with Jamie was wonderful as always but it has left me feeling very needy and empty lately, not having him around to talk to all the time. I am glad I have been fasting, I think I've slipping back into an emotional state of eating to fill a void. But I am becoming better at recognising it and gaining control from it. Last week, I thought I had undone all my good work when I got home from Jay's and stepped on the scales....I should really learn by now NOT to trust those phooey things. It was also "that time of the month' and I think I was eating too much salt in my...

Continued

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Paying the price for having a good time

by daydreamer21 on 31 Mar 2014, 07:06

Last week because of live and commitments I could only 5:2 which meant I've had longer feed days all together- and I was BAD this weekend, lots of cream cakes and eating out and carbs carbs carbs. I'm paying the price for it today- I have pretty much gained back ALL of the weight I lost...Just in a weekend, is that really possible?????? I'm going to be super strict with myself this week- 3 really good fasts, low carbs, lots of water. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: ...

Continued

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It's been awhile, but fasting is going well!!!

by daydreamer21 on 26 Mar 2014, 20:07

Life just seems to be rushing past me at the moment and I'm trying to keep up! Thankfully fasting has been relatively easy and I've been thankful of the consistency of fasting, it seems like fasting has become the normal part of my life at the moment. Some weeks I get disgruntled with it, but then some weeks really amaze me at the scale results. This past weekend saw me drop to a new low, and only a few pounds away from a new stone category (which was my Christmas target for the stone category I'm in now!!! :victory: ) I'm hoping I reach my Easter target but since I will be away at Jamie's I won't be able to weigh myself. I'm just going to conclude that from my weight loss trend I probably will reach my target. So that would have been 5kg from Valentines to Easter, which I think is a huge achievement. My next goal would be to lose another stone. I really would love to be close to a size...

Continued

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36 blog entries Page 1 of 8

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