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- May 2014

A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013

Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:

Another bad week

by daydreamer21 on 09 Nov 2013, 10:53

Yeah this week has been the week from hell. It all started last Sunday really, we have brought in this cat that we have been feeding. He belonged to the guy around the corner to us but every time we tried to return Garfield he would hiss and scramble to get away. And every time we took him back the owner would just let him out again rather than keeping him in to allow him to gain his bearings again. Anyway last Sunday night it was pouring down and we had already returned Garfield once that evening. Before going to bed my mother decided to check on next doors' doorstep as he seem to like taking shelter there. When she looked there he was, soaked to the bone and shivering. We decided it was in his best interest to let him live with us, he seemed much happier here anyway (despite our 4 dogs) he hasn't moved off the bed all week. However he is a rather sickly kitty right now, we rushed him up to the vets yesterday as he hasn't been eating, yesterday he wasn't even drinking (and when he was drinking before he would be at the water bowl 10/15 minutes at a time) and he hasn't been to the toilet for days, he's painfully thin looking and has a tumour on his stomach (I'm so glad to have inherited someone else's problem- I can just about affair my dogs, I'm in huge debt to the vets now). They took blood from him and called us back last night, he has pancreatitis and needed to have antibiotics immediently. So hopefully now he's got those in his system he'll start to feel better.

Work had been hellish this week too. My regular co-worker was off sick two days this week and the cover we had for him was just shameful. My class decided it was time to act up which made a very stressful working environment. Then Thurday I got attacked by a child which caused my already rather sore back to become even worse. He's a big heavy child and he lunged at me and threw all his weight on me. I've been in agony for two days.

My eating this week has been down right shameful. I've reverted to eating for the sake of eating not when I'm hungry. I've been eating loads of chocolates/sweets/biscuits this week too. My random snacking has been reflected in my weight this week. I've had another 1lb gain. I'm so disappointed with myself. However there could be a few factors affecting it 1- I haven't been able to go to the toilet properly all week and this morning is no exception. So I have food sitting around in my intestines. I'm also due on my period next week an I find that I have a weight gain before then too so it could just be that. Whatever it is, next week is going to be a very different week. I'm watching my carbs, I'm eating only when hungry, I'm listening to my body. No more sweets or biscuits. And I'm hoping to see a drop again. My fast yesterday was excruciating. I struggled so much with fasting. I drank 2 litres of water, with countless black tea, herbal tea and a cup of bouillon. Next week is another week though. It will got better. I've set myself the goal of dropping to the top 15st bracket by Christmas. If I work hard I think it's totally doable. Wish me luck :)



Love and peace :heart:




Edit:
After going to the bathroom I lost that 1lb I thought I had put on so yay no gain this week. I feel a wee bit better now. Still need to try harder next week though. Only 6lb to lose by Christmas- I think I can do it!
Last edited by daydreamer21 on 09 Nov 2013, 11:23, edited 1 time in total.

Sammy's progress journal
Started 4:3 on 06.01.2014 @ 104.7kg- lets see what 2014 brings
Spring into fall member #55- target: to lose 12lbs! Target weight 85kg!!
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