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A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

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Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:
7 replies Page 1 of 1

Feel like I'm in self destruct mode

by daydreamer21 on 03 Nov 2013, 16:08

Today I can't stop eating rubbish... I have chocolate and m&m's coming out of my ears. I'm not even hungry and I'm just eating... Why am I doing this to myself? :cry: I'm going to end up undoing all the good behaviours and weight I've lost. I'm a little bit worried. I'm hoping when I go back to work tomorrow I'll have structure again and be in control of everything. I feel so low and miserable right now, full of self loathing.

Sammy's progress journal
Started 4:3 on 06.01.2014 @ 104.7kg- lets see what 2014 brings
Spring into fall member #55- target: to lose 12lbs! Target weight 85kg!!
7 Comments   Viewed 27734 times

Comments

Hi, just joined the forum and feeling my way about and came upon your post. I'm sure we have all felt like this at some time and I sympathise - its not a good place to be. Sending some positive feelings your way!!!
You've come so far on your journey that a bit of chocolate isn't going to make much difference to your weight but it seems to have had more effect on your self image - tell that negative voice you are the same good person before you ate something, during eating it and afterwards, not devalued at all. ( What?!! I thought everyone heard voices in their head?!!)

I really hope the 5:2 way of eating helps with this (negative thoughts, not the voices) - it has for me and so many others on the forum. Forget about today - even tell yourself it is allowed on a non fast day and go into your next fast day fresh. Do your fasts, don't sweat too much for now and many people find they don't choose the same things on their normal days. CHOICE is the big word here.

Sending you some positivity and support - I know you can do your next fast!! :clover:
Ok daydreamer. Do you know why you're I doing it. Is it because of what your mum, said or didn't say or do you miss your boyfriend Jamie who went home? When the chocolate and bad stuff is gone you'll be fine. Or you could throw it out or take it to work tomorrow. You know what you are capable of eating wise, so draw a line under it, take a deep breath and start again. Tomorrow is a new day.
Ok daydreamer. Do you know why you're I doing it. Is it because of what your mum, said or didn't say or do you miss your boyfriend Jamie who went home? When the chocolate and bad stuff is gone you'll be fine. Or you could throw it out or take it to work tomorrow. You know what you are capable of eating wise, so draw a line under it, take a deep breath and start again. Tomorrow is a new day.
Hi Dreamer,

I can relate to what you're going through. I was in long distance relationship for 3.5 years with my (now) husband, before I finally moved to Netherlands this year and got married. At the time we saw each other only 2 - 3 times a year... it was not easy and I was always crying at the airport when he left. I was also living with my parents at the time and the relationship with my mom could be tough at times.

Hang in there, you can get through this. Like you said, getting back to work will get you back in structure. Just plan your next fast day, and once you do it I think you'll feel better and will get things in motion again.

Big hugs! :clover:
Hi Dreamer. This is completely understandable. Goodbye's are tough at the best of times, and this sounds like it has hit you hard. Enjoy your chocolate and fast when you are ready. The good thing about 5:2 is that it can flex around life's curveballs. :heart: hugs :heart:
Thank you all for your amazing support. I think with just everything going on in life at the moment, having Jamie around brought me the comfort I needed. Without him I resorted back to my old ways of comfort eating to make me feel better.
@DeeWidiasturi wow 3 and a half years! How did you cope? We've been doing it for 2 and it's been hard. Luckily I get holiday from work every 6-8 weeks, I couldn't imagine only seeing him 2 or 3 times a year. I'm glad you finally got together and are married :heart:
@rawkaren You're so right about 5.2 being flexible. I'm really looking forward to tomorrows fasts to just regain some control over life.

Huge hugs all around. Thank you all so much :heart:
Sending you lots of positive thoughts since you are a bit down right now.

I can relate to the over eating and eating junk sometimes, but as others have said, tomorrow is a new day and I really like this WOE because when a fast comes along its like it resets everything and you gain back your control again.
So enjoy the fast and remember that having one bad day is not going to un do all your hard work, this is a marathon and not a sprint, you will have good weeks and bad weeks but this WOE is not a fad and it will work gradually and eventually.
Hope you feel better soon.
7 replies Page 1 of 1

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