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A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

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+ September 2013

Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:
3 replies Page 1 of 1

Feeling naughty!!

by daydreamer21 on 09 Oct 2013, 18:08

So this week, call it stress or just feeling a bit more relaxed with this WOL, but I have been eating a little bit more than I usually do. Granted I have a whole 2100 calories per day at my disposal (which I don't even think I can consume!) but I haven't been so worried about weighing EVERYTHING and only having fat free/low fat foods. I feel very liberated. Although somewhat worried that I will undo my fasting by consuming more than I normally do and it will hinder my weight loss. Either way, I'm happy that I can eat like a normal person again a few days a week.

I'm still not at the point yet where my body doesn't realise that it's not hungry, I'm so used to just munching. Even when I fast my body isn't even hungry, I guess not really. I wish I could just eat smaller portions and feel full but my brain and my body don't seem to connect. I don't ever really feel satisfied. I even drink a pint of water before meals to fill my tummy but alas, nothing yet. I'm hoping the more I 5:2 the smaller my stomach will become. I'm trying really REALLY hard to not over eat. Oh well, I have another fast on Friday and we shall see what the scales have to say on Saturday morning. Send me positive thoughts fellow fasters!

Love and peace :heart:

Sammy's progress journal
Started 4:3 on 06.01.2014 @ 104.7kg- lets see what 2014 brings
Spring into fall member #55- target: to lose 12lbs! Target weight 85kg!!
3 Comments   Viewed 8660 times

Comments

Re: Feeling naughty!!
09 Oct 2013, 20:07
Sending positive thoughts daydreamer and enjoy the process. I stopped counting TDEE but am now back in on right now!
Re: Feeling naughty!!
10 Oct 2013, 13:48
Thanks Karen x I think I'm still under eating in terms of calories, so I guess it's not that bad and I do try to eat low fat still (my brain is so programmed to do that now since I've been calorie counting for the past year)
Re: Feeling naughty!!
11 Oct 2013, 19:23
Just read all your blog entries daydreamer and wanted to congratulate you on your courage and determination despite the pain you must be in with your back. You seem such a lovely person, always the first to praise others so here's a massive pat on the back to you! and by the way, you are absolutely stunning looking, a really beautiful smile! x Best of luck with your weight loss journey, I KNOW you will get there!
3 replies Page 1 of 1

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