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- May 2014

A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

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+ September 2013

Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:

First day complete!!!

by daydreamer21 on 23 Sep 2013, 21:10

Wow, I can't believe I actually did it! I completed my first fast day. It really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I was expecting to feel exhausted, hungry, with terrible stomach pains but I really didn't suffer any of these (except for the headache I seem to have now after eating dinner). I don't think I have ever drank so much water in my whole life, I feel a tad waterlogged at the moment. I bought a 2L bottle of water while I was out shopping getting my ingredients for my dinner and I nearly drank that whole bottle in about an hour, not to mention all the water I drank throughout the day and the pint of water in the glass to my right. Needless to say I haven't stopped peeing all day.

So, my mother didn't really freak out anywhere near as much as I thought she would. She scoffed in disappointment and judgmental knowing but didn't really have much to say on the matter. She's worried about my health and worried about eating disorders, which is a typical mother response but I'm a grown woman I think I know my own body and what I want to do to it. I did assure her if I ever felt unwell I would stop right away.

I really didn't experience hunger pains all day, I ate lunch rather begrudgingly actually, normally by lunch I feel absolutely famished but today, I kinda of enjoy the sense of emptiness in my stomach (weird I know). It was pretty easy going to the supermarket after work too to buy ingredients for my meal this evening. I was expecting it to be hard to be around all the food having barely eaten today. But actually because I had my list and I was so focused on just buying those things I didn't really have time to peruse the aisles and look at all the taunting foods.

This evening I've been experiencing some strange things though. After I ate my massive meal of chicken stir fry I was STILL hungry (I normally wouldn't be) and now I'm developing a headache and feeling a little light headed. I'm hoping it's just because I'm tired and nothing from the diet. Time will tell I guess. I can't wait for Saturday to see if I have actually lost any weight. I'm looking forward to my next fast on Thursday!

Good luck for all those fasting this week.

In love and peace :heart:

Sammy's progress journal
Started 4:3 on 06.01.2014 @ 104.7kg- lets see what 2014 brings
Spring into fall member #55- target: to lose 12lbs! Target weight 85kg!!
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