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- May 2014

A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

+ April 2014
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+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013

Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:

Hoping my bad spell will break soon :(

by daydreamer21 on 16 Nov 2013, 11:07

Well this week has been another doozy. Started off last Sunday with having to take poor Garfield to the vet and leaving without him. I feel like a failed him but we were fighting a losing battle. He had pancreatitis, kidney failure, and virtually no red blood cells left where he was severely anaemic because of his kidneys. He stopped eating and drinking, and by last Sunday he lost his purr which he always had- he knew it was time and deep in my heart I knew it was time- I just wanted to spend longer than a week with him. Anyway, I won't be rescuing another cat anytime soon, not while I still have my fox terrier- she's a bit snappy with cats.


Work has been another week of hell- I can't wait for the Christmas holidays! We've already started rehursing songs for our nativity. By the time Christmas actually comes I'm sick of it because we have to do everything months in advance with little ones, Christmas starts in October lol. Anyway, just 5 or so weeks until my Christmas break (yay :victory:)

Sadly though, I'm not travelling to Scotland this New Years to be with Jamie :( I don't think my back could take lugging my suitcase up and down stairs at Oxford Circus station. So I don't know when I'll be seeing him again, I really hope he can come down before Christmas otherwise we'll have to wait until Feb half term :/. That has been a really depressing thought for me, I miss him and our phone calls are becoming less and less lately with work schedules and various life challenges.

Okay, ranting over- back to 5:2 talk. This week have been snacking non-stop. Mother Nature pop round for her monthly visit so I was craving sweet things like it was crack! And because we've had parties for Eid and Diwali in work, we have got sooooo much food left over the temptation is just too much, biscuits, sweets, chocs, cakes, crisps- you name it it's in that cupboard. And because of periodness, and stress from being there I've been comfort snacking which then continues at home (bad bad Sammy!!) But despite this, I have managed to drop 2lbs, I'm utterly shocked. I'm going to try my hardest to be a good girl next week and try getting a handle on this snacking business. I think all the sugar this week is the reason my fast was so horrific yesterday. By the time it came to dinner I had a headache so bad I could hardly stand to cook. I think the sugar withdrawal was pretty bad, although it could be this cold I'm developing too. Either way I felt horrific and was asleep by 9:30 which is unheard of for me.

One of my oldest friends is coming round tonight for a girls night in. We've been friends for about 7 or so years, we met online playing some stupid computer game and she has a wacky sense of humour, and I just giggle at everything so we have the perfect friendship. We hadn't seen each other in about 4 years and recently reconnected and it's been great. I miss her loads and not really having any friends locally I'm glad to have someone I can spend my weekends with again. We're having a junk food/ comedy DVD night in. Pizza, wine, snacks- so before she gets here I'm going to fast. Just tea with milk I think, trying to control the calories. I'm really looking forward to a night of lounging and giggling- I really need that right now.

With my 2lb loss this week I'm just 5lb from the Christmas goal I set myself of dropping into the next stone bracket. I feel confident I'll be able to do it, so long as I curb the snacks, watch the carbs etc etc. I wish I could work out, I'm watching my sister do Zumba very envious- I want to do something like that but it crippled me the last time I tried. I can't even walk without being in pain with my back. I still haven't had my referral from the muscularskeletal clinic :/ it's been 3 weeks.


Anyway, happy weekend my fellow fasters.
Much love and many blessings to you all :heart:

Sammy's progress journal
Started 4:3 on 06.01.2014 @ 104.7kg- lets see what 2014 brings
Spring into fall member #55- target: to lose 12lbs! Target weight 85kg!!
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