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- May 2014

A bittersweet week
16 May 2014, 19:03

Tried being productive today....
04 May 2014, 18:39

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+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013

Time for a life changing decision....

All my life I have struggled with my weight. I am the daughter of a feeder, and my mother is the daughter of a feeder and my grandmother is the daughter of a feeder (sense a pattern?). I was always a chubby child, I think I weighed a stone for every year of my life as a child. I was always told by my mother "It's just puppy fat, you'll lose it as a teenager"....But that never happened. In fact, it only got worse into my teens. I became the subject of bullying and abuse, and it plummeted my self-esteem even further.

As I embarked on adulthood, I made a remarkable discovery! The internet! As an overweight girl, with low self-esteem, no confidence and painfully shy, found this way of making friends the most amazing thing ever! But of course, sitting in front of a computer from the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed, only getting up to get more food or to pee made my weight problem even worse. I think at my heaviest I must have hit close to 25 stone!!

By now I am morbidly obese, and every mention of a diet to my mother is frowned upon and I'm told "You're fine, you don't need to lose any weight." I know its unhealthy, why couldn't she see it? Any attempt to diet is quickly stopped or hindered because of my lack of willpower and the complete inability to deal with confrontation.

A few years ago, I met my best friend ever (via the internet) and she has also struggled with weight for her life. She and her partner talked to me about this new diet they were going to start on, the Paleo diet. It sounded quite similar to Atkins but I decided to give it ago. I was afraid of scales so I never actually know if I lost any weight during this time but I feel like I did, this was encouraging for me and it gave me a sense of empowerment that I could control my eating over my mother.

The final straw came last year. I went to the doctor to ask to go on birth control. He told me I was too overweight for the 'pill' and I was a risk of clotting. He also took my blood pressure and my blood pressure was high. He then told me he wanted to hook me up to a 24hr monitor and I guess I just freaked out...I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this! I took a stand, no more! At this point, I weighed 20 stone 7lbs. I decided something HAD to change. I started to try Zumba (my sister, who is also overweight) has lost a ton of weight just by doing that (might I just point out here, my mother has nothing to say about my sister wanting to lose weight.....) but my two left feet had other ideas about this. So then I started to power walk every night. But due to back problems this just made it worse. So I did the only thing I knew how, controlling my food intake.

A year on, I have lost 3.5 stone (It was 4 but I put on a stone over the summer being away and eating rubbish) but I find it so hard some days to stay on track, and then I become really hard on myself for slipping off my diet slightly. Enter the 5:2 way of life...I think with the way I have lived so far in my life I have done some significant damage to my body, but I'm still young enough to hopefully repair this damage. And to boot, shift some of this weight.

I have yet to mention this new life style to my mother (I still live at home :confused: ) and I'm sure this will not be an easy battle to win but I am determined to give this my best shot. It might take some time to get the hang of this, but once I have all the kinks sorted out, I'm hoping this will be the best decision I have ever made in my life so far.


Thank you for allowing me to unload some baggage. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful, healing journey.

In love and peace :heart:
36 blog entries Page 3 of 8

Its been awhile

by daydreamer21 on 24 Jan 2014, 20:45

I haven't even looked at my blog for the longest time. I guess I didn't feel like I emotionally needed to talk through my feelings anymore.

Well lets see what's happened since the last time I blogged. Well, in my life work is just busy busy busy. Christmas was chaos (as you can imagine with young children) I was grateful for the holiday. I got to spend New Years in Scotland with my love. Jamie and I have actually decided when he is going to be moving in here with me (beginning of April, my Spring Break) I'm so excited about this, it's great I won't have to wait 6-8 weeks to see him all the time. His family aren't especially taking it well, and honestly I don't think my family are thrilled about it but they'll just have to suck it up. We've been talking a lot lately about children and marriage. We've decided next year that we'd like to have a baby, but Jamie is old fashioned and would love to be married before we have a baby, so we would have to get married some time this year!!! I'm not...

Continued

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Hoping my bad spell will break soon :(

by daydreamer21 on 16 Nov 2013, 11:07

Well this week has been another doozy. Started off last Sunday with having to take poor Garfield to the vet and leaving without him. I feel like a failed him but we were fighting a losing battle. He had pancreatitis, kidney failure, and virtually no red blood cells left where he was severely anaemic because of his kidneys. He stopped eating and drinking, and by last Sunday he lost his purr which he always had- he knew it was time and deep in my heart I knew it was time- I just wanted to spend longer than a week with him. Anyway, I won't be rescuing another cat anytime soon, not while I still have my fox terrier- she's a bit snappy with cats.


Work has been another week of hell- I can't wait for the Christmas holidays! We've already started rehursing songs for our nativity. By the time Christmas actually comes I'm sick of it because we have to do everything months in advance with little ones, Christmas starts in October lol. Anyway, just 5 or so weeks until my Christmas break (yay ...

Continued

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Another bad week

by daydreamer21 on 09 Nov 2013, 10:53

Yeah this week has been the week from hell. It all started last Sunday really, we have brought in this cat that we have been feeding. He belonged to the guy around the corner to us but every time we tried to return Garfield he would hiss and scramble to get away. And every time we took him back the owner would just let him out again rather than keeping him in to allow him to gain his bearings again. Anyway last Sunday night it was pouring down and we had already returned Garfield once that evening. Before going to bed my mother decided to check on next doors' doorstep as he seem to like taking shelter there. When she looked there he was, soaked to the bone and shivering. We decided it was in his best interest to let him live with us, he seemed much happier here anyway (despite our 4 dogs) he hasn't moved off the bed all week. However he is a rather sickly kitty right now, we rushed him up to the vets yesterday as he hasn't been eating, yesterday he wasn't even drinking (and when he was...

Continued
Last edited by daydreamer21 on 09 Nov 2013, 11:23, edited 1 time in total.

0 Comments   Viewed 3763 times

Feel like I'm in self destruct mode

by daydreamer21 on 03 Nov 2013, 16:08

Today I can't stop eating rubbish... I have chocolate and m&m's coming out of my ears. I'm not even hungry and I'm just eating... Why am I doing this to myself? :cry: I'm going to end up undoing all the good behaviours and weight I've lost. I'm a little bit worried. I'm hoping when I go back to work tomorrow I'll have structure again and be in control of everything. I feel so low and miserable right now, full of self loathing.

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Not very happy right now

by daydreamer21 on 03 Nov 2013, 05:01

Jamie went home today :cry: I managed to hold it together and not cry as I said goodbye because I know I'll see him again soon. But once I got home I guess I had this empty feeling and my way of dealing with it was to totally pig out. I hate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me, and I'm very much regretting it now as it's nearly 5am and I'm still awake because I feel so sick. Even though I fasted twice this week I still had a weight gain because I was eating crap when I wasn't fasting. I can't even justify that I tried to be good because I really didn't try. I knew I would have a gain, and I guess 1lb isn't bad (could have been a lot worse) but I'm still a little disappointed in myself that I've undone some of my hard work. Maybe I'll try 4:3 next week and try to undo some of the damage.

So, my mother has started again about this WOE, totally laying into me about it and while...

Continued

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36 blog entries Page 3 of 8

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