Move over the Fast Diet - now do the Fart Diet
Posted: 30 Mar 2013, 11:01Sometimes a single letter changes everything! I'm not sure how this has been missed until now but I just spotted this news item and wanted to give everyone the chance to diarise it.
PRESS RELEASE
Hard on the heels of the Dukan Diet, the Fast Diet and the OMG Diet comes the one that is set to blow them all away. Due to be screened on 1st April 2013 as an episode of the popular BBC2 'Nadir' science series, this 'new wind' will revolutionise our approach to eating and health.
Dr Michael Mousey ('Mickey' to his friends), the respected broadcaster and qualified sorceror's apprentice, examines the extraordinary new science wafting from America:
"In the United States in the depths of the 1930s depression, lifetime expectancy actually increased. Various explanations have been offered, including - bizarrely - a lack of food, but the real reason was a change in people's eating habits.
"As any child will tell you, the most valuable dietary ingredient is the humble bean. Yes: Beans! Beans are good for the heart, and the more you eat, the more you develop your expressive output.
"It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Beans were plentiful in Africa where our ancestors developed. And the reason why some of them left and then spread across the globe is now obvious: to get away from the smell of each other.
"Passing wind has long been known to bring improved health and extended life. But exciting research by Dr Wata Pongo in California is following a new scent: intermittent farting."
Not all dietitians are convinced. "This diet stinks," says Dr D Duck. But Dr Mousey is unrepentant:
"What I have learned is that the smell comes in waves which pass. Gas masks solve the difficulty, and in fact the dietary change from rationing was the real reason for their issue in Britain during the war. However I just use a noseclip and keep a few in my pocket to offer to anyone nearby.
"I admit that The Fart Diet can be challenging for personal relationships; after a 45-second expression Minnie kicked me out. However I can honestly say my online friendships have been completely unaffected.
"And there are unexpected advantages. Even on a busy commuter train I am assured of a table to myself, and sometimes an entire carriage.
"The possibilities for energy recycling and self-propulsion are breathtaking..."
Why not join the growing band who are 'taking the Michael'?
"Although I am more of an old fart myself," says Dr Mousey, "I have found that this diet appeals particularly to those with a puerile imagination."
RELEASE ENDS
PRESS RELEASE
Hard on the heels of the Dukan Diet, the Fast Diet and the OMG Diet comes the one that is set to blow them all away. Due to be screened on 1st April 2013 as an episode of the popular BBC2 'Nadir' science series, this 'new wind' will revolutionise our approach to eating and health.
Dr Michael Mousey ('Mickey' to his friends), the respected broadcaster and qualified sorceror's apprentice, examines the extraordinary new science wafting from America:
"In the United States in the depths of the 1930s depression, lifetime expectancy actually increased. Various explanations have been offered, including - bizarrely - a lack of food, but the real reason was a change in people's eating habits.
"As any child will tell you, the most valuable dietary ingredient is the humble bean. Yes: Beans! Beans are good for the heart, and the more you eat, the more you develop your expressive output.
"It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Beans were plentiful in Africa where our ancestors developed. And the reason why some of them left and then spread across the globe is now obvious: to get away from the smell of each other.
"Passing wind has long been known to bring improved health and extended life. But exciting research by Dr Wata Pongo in California is following a new scent: intermittent farting."
Not all dietitians are convinced. "This diet stinks," says Dr D Duck. But Dr Mousey is unrepentant:
"What I have learned is that the smell comes in waves which pass. Gas masks solve the difficulty, and in fact the dietary change from rationing was the real reason for their issue in Britain during the war. However I just use a noseclip and keep a few in my pocket to offer to anyone nearby.
"I admit that The Fart Diet can be challenging for personal relationships; after a 45-second expression Minnie kicked me out. However I can honestly say my online friendships have been completely unaffected.
"And there are unexpected advantages. Even on a busy commuter train I am assured of a table to myself, and sometimes an entire carriage.
"The possibilities for energy recycling and self-propulsion are breathtaking..."
Why not join the growing band who are 'taking the Michael'?
"Although I am more of an old fart myself," says Dr Mousey, "I have found that this diet appeals particularly to those with a puerile imagination."
RELEASE ENDS
. I really like the potential for an energy resource. Think about it. We are all losing weight and the lost energy is wasted while the world is in a persistent search for a sustainable resource of energy.
