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why, thank you!
by drilakila on 22 Aug 2013, 10:42
My 10th fast went well yesterday and it is definitely getting easier. Except for the evenings which are still a challenge. My stomach doesn't tell me it's hungry..my mouth does! Perhaps it's a hangover from when I used to smoke or I am really orally fixated lol. It's very frustrating for me to feel like this and I get restless wondering if I can squeeze a few more calories into me, out of my allowance. I go to the fridge, open the door and stare at the contents. I close the door empty handed, sigh, and walk away. The trouble is I crave bread and cheese....anything highly calorific. So I drink some more water or no sugar ginger beer and go to bed a little bit hungry. Not crying though, I am past that already thankfully.
I find it a great relief on fast days to not have to eat...making a decision about lunch has always been a nightmare. Often I get something and then I don't want to eat it or I eat all of it and feel too full. No more afternoon lows when I feel sleepy and irritable. Probably something to do with blood sugar levels?
I dream of being smaller . I look at clothes in the shops and think, one day I will be wearing that size . A size 12 seems obtainable although a bit of a fantasy at the moment. I can't quite imagine how that will feel it's been so long. And if I am honest being thinner seems to be quite important for my self esteem. I feel less worthy being fat. What's that all about? At the same time I feel as if it won't happen because I don't deserve it. It's not a question of whether I deserve it or not, that's just my warped view of food and my body. I do know I am determined to give it a really good try!
Still surprised I have lost so much weight already. Slight guilt as others haven't and that's usually what happens to me. Makes me think this really is a better way to health and weight loss .