The FastDay Forum

Ok so I was reading another's thread and it gave me a lightbulb moment.

The member identifies trauma that sparked the overeating/overweight. So in turn I realised something (that I kind of knew but kept hidden).

Pre 2004 I was a happy size 10 (UK). Never thought about food, ate til I was full, never overate, just was generally happy. I had a normal life with it's ups and downs certainly not privelidged but it was fine. Mid 2004 I was attacked and sexually assaulted. I feel and for years have felt completely over it, but looking back, that is when my troubles started. I couldn't cope with stress, I got horrific acne and got overweight. So years on like I said I am over it, or I don't really think about it much, I know compared to some things people go through it is minimal. Then I got Post Natal Depression, which even as I hate to say those words, it was and is the biggest battle of my life! It is in fact a bit of a trauma too, I lost friends, gained two babies, gained fat, couldn't look at myself in the mirror etc etc.

However, now I am feeling better. But I am wondering, for those of us who a trauma or something similar has led to our overeating how do we deal with it? How do we make it go away? I mean we don't say to ourselves, I am going to eat this cake because it is a way of dealing with this trauma.

I know, I talk about the mind a lot, but I can't help it (I am a psych nurse and clearly more interested in this sort of thing than I thought).

I truly believe trauma triggers being over weight. I had a very traumatic childhood and know I used food as comfort. Once learned it is hard to get rid of. That is why fasting works for me as I can have it tomorrow. I never totally deny myself anything. Some feed days I binge, back to comfort eating but I am more strict with myself now and mostly have it under control. Weight loss is a complex issue not just a case of eat less and exercise more.

I totally totally agree, and sometimes for naturally thin people they cannot see this and so may times you hear comments like "just eat less". Aaaargh so frustrating isn't it because yes | want to just eat less if I could do you think I would be overweight in the first place?

Debsie, I am not a psych nurse but this is what I know...you(we) turn to food for nurture. I can pick at every food under the sun waiting for that 'comfort moment' that never comes even though my stomach is bursting. I fool myself that the picking on a little of this and a little of that is better than having the chocolate or ice cream. Reality is that if I just chose the real 'treat' I probably would have consumed less calories. Other than the food thing I feel you need to talk about your experience with someone who can validate and comfort your feelings on the assault. Why is it that as a child when Mom kisses a boo-boo it is all better?

Debsie, I am not a psych nurse but this is what I know...you(we) turn to food for nurture. I can pick at every food under the sun waiting for that 'comfort moment' that never comes even though my stomach is bursting. I fool myself that the picking on a little of this and a little of that is better than having the chocolate or ice cream. Reality is that if I just chose the real 'treat' I probably would have consumed less calories. Other than the food thing I feel you need to talk about your experience with someone who can validate and comfort your feelings on the assault. Why is it that as a child when Mom kisses a boo-boo it is all better?

Gosh I don't know, it's all so complicated isn't it. OMG your bmi is the same as mine, we have so much in common! We will get there.

I don't really like talking about it, not because it's traumatic, sometimes I just get a bit bored of talking about the bad things. But thank you, you are correct.

@Debsieyour feelings and experiences are not boring! They are part of who you are. Women in particular are caretakers of others but you need to take care of yourself too. Start journaling, go back to those "boring moments" and write down the experience, your reaction, the smells etc. Rant and rave on paper and take control. People can be so hurtful to others and it does become part of who we are but YOU can be the one who is in charge of you. When you feel you have cleared the air, take that journal and bury it in the woods somewhere. Then you can move on.

Do you watch Call the Midwives? Well there was one episode of a man who dealt with hurt in his life by an adage that his Mother taught him, open the doors at night so that the night breeze blows your troubles out of the house. I thought that it was so profound. If you don't cleanse your mind of lifes inequities you will never be free of them. Maybe you could start a ritual of every night before going to bed you open the bedroom window and visualize the bad moments blowing out the window.

One of my bad personality traits is that I am a negative thinker. This week I am going to do this bedroom window routine every night with my negative feelings and see if it makes a difference.

Keep in touch.

Loved what you said Cuzz @clairemarie x
And @debsie i know what you mean,i feel like i never stop going,oh poor me,why am i fat,blah blah blah but there ARE valid reasons for weight gain...food becomes a prop or crutch to help comfort us from the bad memories. What happened to you was traumatic and i' m so sorry you had to go through it ..they say after an assault,we can unconsciously try to gain weight as protection,the fat being almost like an armour to keep you safe from further harm.
Sad too to hear of @Bobshouses childhood traumas..she's right,when she says weight is a complex issue,more than just a case of eat less / exercise more.
In my case,just plain and simple,we didnt get enough to eat as kids,very often went to bed hungry..money was very tight and my poor mum,who had heart and chest problems and also dreadful untreated depression after losing two children and two brothers, often didnt have it in her to look after us properly. They did the best they could with the hand they'd been dealt like most parents do.
On top of all that,dont forget the reasons beyond our control..read up on here if you haven't already about the complex physiological reasons our bodies dont want us to lose weight. X

In my case, I didn't over ate after my trauma, in fact, until I understood what began my weight issues, I couldn't figure out why I was so much overweight, it made no sense at all.

What changed and reversed everything ? My mind, actually. And my OH, I must admit. He took me as I was, believed in me, gave me strength, made me feel like a real woman with sensuality and beauty. It's a big deal when you are sure that you are a kind of monster. I mean, my mother and my sister used to put me down after the rape, my mother even didn't believe me when I told her what happened. You know, she had this look and this laugh which says "sure, of course you did.....". My body shut down, in a way.

So I would say the mind played a big part in my repair. Sure, I still don't have everything I want but I am proud of who I am. Some women have a perfect body, I have a body which has some background, scars, experience and I think that's much better than to have the perfect boobs or butt. We went to war together and we won...

How do you fix it? Good question! If you have the answer to that it's worth a million. I wish there was an easy answer. Life is complicated isn't it!