The FastDay Forum

Thanks everybody. It's so nice to hear such nice comments and suggestions.
Yes I work and also study I have quite a lot of friends but never feel I can unload to them as I don't like to be a burden. I do talk to my boyfriend a lot and he reassures me all the time but I think he struggles on what to say to help me.
I will try to start this new week in a more positive frame of mind.
Lil

Yes it is so horrible looking at other women thinking how do I ever compare. You are definitely right, I shouldn't need other people to tell me I'm attractive, etc. I'm sure ill get there, it's hard knowing how to 'get over it' but I will try right now. I find it difficult talking to my bfs mum but I will make an effort to go and talk to her now.
Lil

Hello x I really feel for you - do you have any family out there with you? You seem to be lacking confidence in many settings and then one thing will then go on and affect another so it just accumulates....not sure if you have tried any therapy, it may be the way forward. But if you are not ready for such a step yet try coaching. I had coaching for a specific problem I had at work which was undermining me in so many settings and it was really good. He gave me strategies to understand why I felt like that and how to overcome the 'bullying tactics' being used.....hope this helps....good luck and have a serious word with the boyfriend or just drop your ex into the conversation and see how he feels!!

You could be suffering from Culture Shock It is a real disorder caused by moving to a new place and losing your anchors in life. The little things that were so easy and so common in your old life are suddenly missing, little things like popping over to see your Mum when things were getting you down (replace Mum with best friend, sister, granddad). Being able to walk into a hardware shop and tell someone you want a specific product and having them know exactly what you mean, instead of blank looks. Not having to order your favourite food from extortionate overprice importers because its not available and lastly language barriers, even in a country that speaks English, there are differences in dialect, local slang and accent that can floor you unexpectedly.
If there is medical help available, take it, even if it only gives you a professional to talk to, you will feel better for it.

[wildmissus]

A while ago I went through a difficult period which resulted in me have no self confidence or self esteem. I turned to a hypnotherapist for help - well, I actually went to him for weight loss. He started by dealing with the weight loss and ended up digging up a lot of stuff from the past. What a difference it has made to me. He didn't directly deal with the weight loss but the hypnotherapy made me realise that I deserve to be slim. I no longer hunt for all the horrible things people say but instead smile at the little nice things they say. My husband said to me the other day, after me telling him that I have lost 2st 2lb, that I was a 'strapping lass' - it did annoy me but I just laughed at him and I'll keep going to prove him wrong. At least he said 'lass' which infers that I am young. Men aren't very tactful.

The other thing I have done and still do every now and then is mindful meditation. It really helps put things in perspective.

When I come across people who think think they are better than me I always remind myself that their bodily functions are the same as mine - even the Queen has to wipe her bum. It always makes me smile!

I definitely know what you mean about hunting for people to say bad things. I feel like sometimes I am pushing and pushing my bf to say something 'bad'! He says I deliberately try to make myself upset.. Maybe that isn't too far from the truth but why would I do that?! Mental health is so so strange!
But as I said this week I will make an effort to 'pretend to be confident' at work, at the shops etc etc and see how I go.
Lil

My friend posted this on her FB page and it's a very good article from the Guardian. As you get more anxious, your world gets smaller and it's a vicious circle. The hunting for disapproval is because you want someone to confirm your own view of yourself.

I went for CBT when even I was bored of my issues, never mind my friends. It's a strain on a partner, always having to be a crutch. Go get sorted, that first step is the hardest and it's always a journey but the more tools you have in your box to cope, rationlise and even realise it's maybe time for a change, the better.

You might just need to come home, you don't know until you explore it a bit with help from someone trained. Don't go to someone you don't click with tho, it's counter-productive.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013 ... ng-britain

Thanks everyone I'm so grateful for all your advice and support.
Lil

[Debs]

How are you feeling, a bit better?

Not too bad thanks Debs. Trying to get on with my own life and what I want to do rather than depending on my BF for absolutely everything. Hopefully that will make me feel a bit better.
Lil

I agree that the boy friend isn't much help. Maybe you are just homesick. I hope you feel better soon. Aussie has a lot to offer. They also forgive people making fools of themselves so just accept that you aren't perfect. Maybe you live in the middle of the city but where I live everyone looks pretty ordinary. Maybe you need a holiday to remind yourself we are all different in our own way.

He is lovely though I've made him come across as horrible but he's really not, just speaks without thinking occasionally. He always tells me how he likes my body and gives me a lot of compliments (not just looks, my personality too). I will try and take a step back though and not rely on what he says - good or bad!
I live in Sydney
Lil

[Debs]

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus maybe?!!
I remember the OH saying something years ago, an off the cuff remark that I brooded over for days, about an old girlfriend and he didn't even remember he'd said it, and was shocked that I'd taken it to heart. He was in the present not the past, whereas I couldn't let go of things that didn't matter.
What do you do for fun in Sydney? There's certainly plenty to do. Did you get to FLying Fish?

Tell me about it. He made some remark about Scarlett Johannsen months ago (wasn't even a bad remark!) and I have obsessed over it since. I brought it up a few weeks ago and he didn't even know what I was talking about. I am the first person to notice an attractive woman and say out loud how gorgeous i think someone is (female). But if HE dares say anyone is I just can't admit it?! Not sure if that makes sense or I'm making myself sound mad.
Um to be honest I love going out for dinner and drinks, karaoke. But I love getting out of the city for a few days when we can. Love camping and exploring!
Lil