The FastDay Forum

Wonderful wonderful advice on here. I love the hug method, the 1-2-3 magic - I've used that, it really is Magic! If you can reframe the terrible two thing to view it as the terrific twos, & remember it's a phase that will pass, it will help your state of mind. it's exhausting, but when you think of how secure she must feel to be able to express her feelings that way, it means that you and your significant other are doing a great job of letting her know that she's in a safe and secure place. She will learn what's appropriate or not through your patience & consistency. Great good luck.

My heart goes out to you DH. We all know what you're going through, the good news is you can change it. Everyone is so right about the consistency thing but it MUST be consistency. You must stick to what you say or it will do more harm than good. My sister and I each have a child with only a few months between them but my sister never quite managed to be consistent. As soon as my nephew was being good and the drama was over she would give him anything for a quiet life. She has asked my advice many times over the years and I always tell her the same thing, consistency. She swears blind she is consistent with him but we all see her give in to him time and time again. I've never heard of the hug thing but it did remind my of when my daughter was about 3 or 4. She was having a tantrum and ran in to her room crying. We had friend at the house so I went to sort it out (normally I would have just left her to calm down). I sat on the bed at the side of her and said something like 'Oh darling I hate it when you get all cross and upset like this, can I give you a big hug and see if it makes you feel better'. I couldn't believe it when it worked. Back to smiles in 2 minutes, I shocked myself and friends were asking how I'd managed it.
We are all different, as are our children and we all find our ways of parenting, they is no right or wrong way, we can only do our best.
And remember it does get easier And if it doesn't, well there is always bedtime to look forward to
Good luck
Dee

If the fantastic advice being offered here doesn't do the trick (give it a solid month or two first) look into 'Oppositional Defiant Disorder', but I doubt if it is that.

@lizbean the mental image yr tantrum tactic elicited was wonderful,made me chuckle!

It was a bonkers moment! Candice, I just could not help myself but react with the same behaviour in order to make the connection. Similar to the hugging moment. I failed to say how many people in the supermarket quietly applauded me in my ear - they got it too.

Lizbean

What a difficult time for you Dragonheart!
As an early childhood teacher we don't ' discipline' any more. We ' guide behavior' which pretty much means talking things through and respecting the rights of the child.( the ' hugs' thing would fit in well here).
As a mum of 3 kids under 5 I used the method gillymary mentioned ( Google - magic 123 parenting) it was described to me at the time (15 years ago) as how to discipline your children without yelling and smacking.) Its for 2-12 year olds and it works for 90% of kids. It worked straight away for me. You explain before hand ( when things are calm at a family meeting) its our job to keep you safe isn't it? So from now on if you do something and mummy asks you to stop you need to stop- OK?. If you don't stop I will ( calmly) count to 3 , if you haven't stopped you need to go to your room for 3 minutes ( 1 minute per age) . all agree then forget about it and play a game. When ' it' eventually happens calmly count to 3 then send her to her room ( my youngest had undiagnosed ADHD and at 3 was scared if he couldn't see me so he sat on the hallway floor which he preferred) I put the oven timer on for 3 minutes and when it beeped the come out and we would would talk it through and have a cuddle. That was then, this is now. This worked for me then. After a while the don't need to go to their room as they stop the behavior on '1'. The children feel safe when there's limits and consistency but I know this method goes against today's ' guiding behavior' theories. Perhaps Google that too to give you an overall picture so that you can decide what is best for you. 'Aunt Annie's child care blogspot' is a great resource for the more modern approach.
Best wishes,
Xxx julianna

@Julianna, small world, I am proud to say that Aunt Annie is my oldest and bestest friend! I am no expert on childcare, but her approach I find also helpful for dealing with my own "inner toddler" who can have nervies around food. Her approach is based on Magda Gerber's work. Good luck, @dragonsheart!

I'm sure then I discovered Aunts Annie here on the forum from you Jools! Its a great resource.
Thank you.
Xxx

Oh my goodness everyone, you all know such good advice! To many folks to tag but thank you everyone, going to talk to my local Health Visitor about the 123-magic sessions, it sound like the sort of thing I need,

Really, thank all of you, feel better knowing I'm not alone with this, I feel a little bit less helpless now

My daughter is two and four months, so only just getting into the terrible twos, but if her current throwing herself on the floor and screaming is anything to go by, she's going to be challenging!

I would get rid of presents/punishments, and go for consistent rules for the important things, and not stress about the rest, or life turns into a constant battle. A couple of things my kids have responded well to is me resuming the situation when they are about to have a tantrum (e.g. Eva is cross. She doesn't want to hold mummy's hand. Mummy says Eva must hold mummy's hand in the street) and distraction. Saying for example 'how many toys can Eva put back in the box' instead of tidy up! can work wonders!

Good luck!

Nicky_94 just reminded me that I also used to make everything in to a game by saying things like 'can you put your shoes on before I can count to 20'. I remember at one point everything seemed to be it race. It made life a lot easier. I miss it now, all I get these days is 'in a minute' Grrrr! drives me crazy
Dee