The FastDay Forum

A lot of good advice given above. Can't add anything more but I'm sending you many warm hugs. Don't hesitate to come here to unload - we'll "listen".

He is so lucky to have you there to support home, don't give up hopefully he'll turn the corner soon, just remember to take care of YOU too in the meantime. Lots of love and strength to you both as you attempt to work through this xx

I'd like to add my love and best wishes for progressing your current situation. I have no experience of what you are going through but wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. Hugs.

A huge hug for you and all my best wishes

Having a familly member with a mental illness myself (bipolar disorder) and knowing fist hand how bad it can go (a long story but let's say she's awaiting trial), I can imagine how you must feel.

He's lucky to have you but please, don't forget to take care of yourself, you are as much as important as he is.

gingertea, it is a sad and scary time for you, that's for sure. I hope you can remember the good times you've had together - hold on tight to them as they will help you through the really rough times. As others have said, do continue to look after yourself, whether it's with 5:2 or anything else to keep you calm and relaxed. I really hope the meds get sorted out and you can get back to a peaceful life. Please ignore the news from Washington - it has nothing to do with your case.

Very best wishes from me.

Gingertea, I am so sorry that you are going through this at the moment. I have experienced difficulty (in a different way) with my boyfriend in the past, and the problem is - you can offload on your close family and friends at the time, but when you then decide that you want to push forwards and make it work, those who listened to you when you were in pain and struggling will often only remember the bad things. When you love someone, particularly in a romantic sense, all 'rules' go out the window and you see them for a person in their entirety, as opposed to as a 'monster' or a 'bad person'. The problem is, others outside of the relationship see a generalization, whilst those within the relationship have a completely different perspective, because at the end of the day, the person that you see is the one that you love. Sometimes, and forgive me if I seem naive and or patronising in saying this, but sometimes no matter how someone has acted, reacted or what their mental state at any given time, it is impossible to break away from them, regardless what they may or may not have done, once you have fallen in love with them. Considering your history, your love is not only strong and deep, but also, possibly, habitual. Nobody can know the depth of your feelings apart from you, and even you may not understand them.

Sorry to have rabbited one - I wish you all the strength to continue one, in your relationship and day to day. All the best wishes to you xx

No worries...You are exactly right in particular about the friends and family. I don't blame them really for their reactions, if I were in their place I would most likely feel the same...I just recognize the fact that I can't really count on them for 100% support in this particular matter, like I can on other issues, I have to look elsewhere. Which also makes me kind of sad, but it is what it is.

It makes me a little angry though, I have to admit. If he had cancer, say, or MS, I would have more support than I know what to do with. Mental illness though, gets short shrift.

Thank you all sooo much for your kind posts...I feel the love! I got a little misty reading them all...thank you.

Awareness for mental illness has certainly gone up over the past few years, but people still see it as a taboo topic and many, because they don't understand it, are afraid of it, and often this leads to phobia or trivialisation. For instance, I found out yesterday that I have been offered a job as a business admin. in a counseling service, which I am so excited about!! however, when I informed my parents that I had told my interviewer that I, myself, have had counseling in the past, there were a few short intakes of breath and 'ooh, you took a chance there! you're lucky they didn't cross you off as some raving lunatic!' - which, quite frankly, *bleep* ME OFF! The very fact that this was even suggested by them, particularly when considering the fact that I was applying for a job, working as part of a team with counselors, was laughable to me.

Mental health is, as you say, just as important and upsetting as any other illness, however, until people learn to talk about it and are no longer afraid, it will continue to be taboo, unfortunately!

I wish you strength and love. Please keep using this forum as an opportunity to offload and discuss, there are many supportive, objective and lovely people on here who are more than willing to take a piece of your sadness and help you get through xx

When I first read your post, Gingertea,a few days ago, I didn't know what to say. Your situation sounded overwhelming. Good for you for hanging in there, in sickness and in health. Quite an ask. Support groups are really good for managing life in all kinds of ways. I don't know about support groups for people living with other people's mental health issues, but surely they exist. For people affected by other people's alcoholism, there's Al-Anon, a 12 step program. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by fears about my OH's health issues - although on a completely different scale from yours! - and I try to live one day at a time to keep my fear within reasonable bounds. I can manage today. Looking into the future is scary. Mental health is treatable, even schizophrenia, and you don't know what's in store. Very few people with schizophrenia are violent. I have a very old friend who suffers from it and she is as gentle as a lamb. Anyway, enough rambling on. Take my good wishes and love.

You did the right thing for him. Give it time and things will get better. I agree that you should seek professional counseling for yourself. I really respect you for what you did. So many people want to hide mental illness because it has a stigma to it. But there is a biological reason for it. As for the DC shooter, he sought out help and fell through the cracks if he had the support from someone such as yourself I feel the outcome would be so much different. The healthcare system and perhaps insurance companies definitely slipped up on this one. Also the same in the case of that kid in Colorado that thought he was the Joker that shot up the movie theater. The people closest to someone with an illness have to be vigilant in getting healthcare for their loved one.

It's true, it's what I have to keep reminding myself of...that it is what he needed. Even if he never speaks to me again, it is what he needed It is just kind of freaky to hear newscasters listing off identical symptoms! He is also the most gentle soul normally, but I have seen that person disappear first hand, replaced by a very angry stranger. It is a little unnerving, to say the least.

Pinchypops...that's almost exactly what my father said when I told him..."Well, this is going to make it very difficult for him to get a job with this (involuntary hospitalization) on his record". Aggh!!! But again, I understand on a certain level, he is my father, and I'm sure this situation is not what any parent would wish for their child. But as he is a medical professional, I had just hoped for a litle more.

Side note: every therapist or psychologist I've ever known has done therapy themselves...I don't understand why anyone would ever hold that against anyone. It's reflective of a desire to be a whole person, not a weakness.

Anyway, aside from that, there is some good news. He had a hearing yesterday, was denied released because of his non-compliance, and apparently as of last night he started to take his meds again. So now we begin the long trip back, hopefully.

Ooohhh a little light on the horizon that's brilliant news for you
Hope that makes you feel a little bit better because you do need to take care of yourself also while sorting things out and if that means forgetting fasting then so be it. Good Luck Sue.

don't worry Gingertea he will speak to you again. Whatever else, you two have a close friendship and when he is back to his rational self he will seek you out.

Ooohhh a little light on the horizon that's brilliant news for you
Hope that makes you feel a little bit better because you do need to take care of yourself also while sorting things out and if that means forgetting fasting then so be it. Good Luck Sue.

Thanks ...let's hope he keeps it up!

Weirdly, maintaining my fasting has been comforting to me...it's something I can "do" and "control", when everything else seems very much out of control. But I have also given myself more treats on the regular days than usual...and that's ok.