The FastDay Forum

I met the love of my life 16 years ago. We were married a couple years later. All was well for a little while..then he couldn't stop drinking. There were issues, and he insisted on a divorce, I agreed. We remained close..and he got the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. Turns out, the odd behavior was not caused by drinking per se, although that certainly exacerbated it. I educated myself on the disease, and learned a lot. He did the therapy, took the medications, etc. and we started being a couple again. Lately, we were talking about the future, maybe remarrying, and it seemed like we were having a good shot at a semblance of a normal life (at least, normal to us!). But then he started to go down, would take meds, wouldn't go to doc, etc....and 2 weeks ago he had a serious psychotic break. I tried to just hang with him and work through it, but eventually I had to call the police as he was getting out of control. Currently he's in the hospital, involuntarily, and still refusing meds, demanding lawyers to get released, etc. He refused to see me, refuses to talk to me, and is angry at everyone.

Which I understand...but that doesn't make it much easier to take. I'm scared that I will never get to speak to my best friend again...either because he is gone mentally, or physically.

And now, today, the news, yet again, that the shooter in the DC killings likely had schizophrenia...symptoms his friends and family are describing sound pretty much exactly like his, with the exception of guns and violent video games...but still, it doesn't make me feel any better.

Forgive me, but I just had to get some of my feelings out there, because frankly my family is not exactly supportive of our relationship...and his family is not exactly realistic about him either...I don't really have anyone who is just on my side to talk to, so I figured it would help just to get it out. Thanks for listening.

Gingertea, I'm so sorry to hear this and wish I could help. My only suggestion would be to talk to a counselor yourself to help you through it. I found it so valuable when one of my family was hospitalized in the psych ward.

Best wishes to you and to him.

*Hugs* Gingertea. My ex has had some psych problems. My heart goes out to you. Please do see someone if you can to help you deal with your feelings.

[janeg]

Ah ginger, you're going through a tough time just now. The suggestion of getting support through a group or counsellor is a good one. Where are you in the world? That would help to point in the direction of what is available if you don't know of anything.
Please try and remember that many people suffer from mental illness and very, very few are violent or dangerous. Sadly, the sensationalistic media grab hold of it and blows it out of proportion. Thinking of you, your best friend and hoping for your future.

Oh Ginger tea. You are going through so much at the moment. I wish we could all be there at your side to help you. We can be here though on this thread so feel free to talk to us when you need us.

A great big hug is on its way to you.

Lesley

My heart goes out to you and him. He is ill at the moment, he won't stay that way. He hadn't been taking his medication but this will be rectified at hospital and once they are back in his system he will see things differently.
Schizophrenia is a scary illness, whilst I don't know anything about the shooter in DC, schizophrenics that commit terrible atrocities like this have often been failed by services and/or their families in not being able to get them help in time. I think you should take comfort in knowing you love him enough to be able to get your man the help. You are obviously a very strong person and one day you will both look back at this dark period with thanks that you made it through safely. For the moment you must abide by his decision not to see you,be very kind to yourself and eat good, healthful foods so that you are in a good state for when he turns back to you.
Keep talking - to this forum, the hospital staff, your friends x

If he's sectioned in the UK, they can enforce medication, I think.

He'll come and go with a psychotic illness, he'll be back. Once someone is refusing their medication, there's not a lot you can do on your own at home. One of my close family members tried to hang in there but eventually we got the ill person put in hospital because of the toll it was having on the partner. Back home now after 5 lively weeks away, just needed medication sorted.

It might have been a physical reason to set the episode off, was he ill in any other way?

Thank you all...
I do know that very few schizophrenics are violent/dangerous..I think it's 2%, no more likely than regular people. But tell that to your family and friends who want you to leave him, and offer only half-hearted support. (by the way, they live far away, and don't actually know him very well at all)
I did go to a local support group here, which helped quite a bit...believe me, I"m handling this way better than I used to, (knowledge is power), but unfortunately the people here, although lovely, but they were all parents with children with assorted mental illnesses, no spouses, and while it's better than nothing, just didn't quite get the connection I was seeking. Still, better than nothing, and free. So I'll go back there, and maybe someone new will show.

I do appreciate all the warm thoughts. I am doing what I can, (and what I have to do) to keep things going, for my health and home and life. Lots of yoga and hot baths. Slightly off topic, I've managed to maintain my 5:2, which gives me at least the illusion of some control in my life! lol. But I am really grateful, because it has allowed me to have a little comfort food without feeling bad about it on the diet end of things too.

I am sorry that I can't offer you any practical help but as others have said, feel free to offload here as much as you need, we are a pretty understanding and empathetic bunch and I really hope, for both your sakes, that things start to improve soon, hugs on the way............ there it is, good luck

Ballerina x

If he's sectioned in the UK, they can enforce medication, I think.

He'll come and go with a psychotic illness, he'll be back. Once someone is refusing their medication, there's not a lot you can do on your own at home. One of my close family members tried to hang in there but eventually we got the ill person put in hospital because of the toll it was having on the partner. Back home now after 5 lively weeks away, just needed medication sorted.

It might have been a physical reason to set the episode off, was he ill in any other way?

No, not in the UK...and at least at this point they aren't forcing meds. He has to see a judge tomorrow regarding his treatment (he's demanding to be released), so will know more then. More drama.

He was not ill, that I know of.

So sorry you are both going through this. I'm sure even though he is refusing to see you that it is helping him knowing that you are there wanting to help and support him. Sending hugs (((())))

That's what I keep telling myself!

Thank you everyone. I really do feel better just having unloaded here...amazing what a little confessional will do for the soul! I really appreciate all the support!

[Moogie]

It's not easy being with someone who has a mental health issue like this, and even less so when they start to believe they no longer need their meds. You have my utmost respect for dealing with it, being back together and sticking with it despite the lack of understanding from your/his family. It can certainly be draining and even scary at times, yes, but no relationship is perfect and with your support and the right meds I'm sure things will be alright. Getting it off your chest like this can certainly help, so come unload on us anytime, we're here to support each other, not sure in 5:2 - we're a community

Gingertea, I am so sorry that you are going through this at the moment. I have experienced difficulty (in a different way) with my boyfriend in the past, and the problem is - you can offload on your close family and friends at the time, but when you then decide that you want to push forwards and make it work, those who listened to you when you were in pain and struggling will often only remember the bad things. When you love someone, particularly in a romantic sense, all 'rules' go out the window and you see them for a person in their entirety, as opposed to as a 'monster' or a 'bad person'. The problem is, others outside of the relationship see a generalization, whilst those within the relationship have a completely different perspective, because at the end of the day, the person that you see is the one that you love. Sometimes, and forgive me if I seem naive and or patronising in saying this, but sometimes no matter how someone has acted, reacted or what their mental state at any given time, it is impossible to break away from them, regardless what they may or may not have done, once you have fallen in love with them. Considering your history, your love is not only strong and deep, but also, possibly, habitual. Nobody can know the depth of your feelings apart from you, and even you may not understand them.

Sorry to have rabbited one - I wish you all the strength to continue one, in your relationship and day to day. All the best wishes to you xx

Wishing you all the best in this. Only you can know how much you can deal with in this sort of scenario. I do hope that your partner receives the treatment and care he needs. My son's friend (age 19) had a psychotic episode this year which has been traumatic but he is coming through it though it is something that will always be there in the background no matter how well he seems. Carry on looking after yourself too, without that you cannot help him.