The FastDay Forum

[carorees]

Ok, so for our UK-based members, it is comic relief week...raising money for the comic relief charity by being funny.

I thought I might give the money I save by fasting this week to comic relief, but where's the funny side I thought? So this thread...

If you would like to join me, please post your favourite joke here and donate your food savings from fasting to comic relief.


https://www.rednoseday.com/donate


Here's my favourite:

I've just been arrested for stealing full stops------I'm expecting a lengthy sentence!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug

What do you call a man with no spade on his head?
Douglas

A joke I was told by a 9 year old!

4 men in a pub, one says my name is Andrew because I was born on St Andrew's day. Well says the next guy, you wouldn't believe it but my name is George as I was born on St Georges day. 3rd man say well I was born on St David's day and my name is David. The 4th man goes to speak and they all turn to him and say we know your name is Patrick as you were born on St Patrick's day! No he says, my name is Pancake!!!!!!!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says, "What is this - some kind of joke?"

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."

Groan - sorry, but I felt it quite appropriate to 5:2 !!!
Donation will be made on Friday

[carorees]

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."

Groan - sorry, but I felt it quite appropriate to 5:2 !!!
Donation will be made on Friday

I really did LOL at that one, even though I had heard it before. Perhaps we should give that advice for people not losing weight on 5:2! (In fact didn't someone post about skipping in the exercise thread?!)

[carorees]

Bump

I was reading a book about anti-gravity. Now I can't put it down.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back 4 seconds.

[carorees]

Lol! Really. I think the anti gravity joke might be my new favourite!!

I went to a new nightspot last night called Absolute Zero. It was OK...

(There are a few geeks on here, right?)

Oh, that one will be shared with all my geeky friends toot sweet!

[carorees]

I went to a new nightspot last night called Absolute Zero. It was OK...

(There are a few geeks on here, right?)

Very good! I love it. On that note:

A conversation between chemists:
"Would you like some sodium?"
"Na..."
"What about potassium then?"
"...'K"

A conversation between chemists:
"Would you like some sodium?"
"Na..."
"What about potassium then?"
"...'K"

Hee Hee!

"Here's that tantalum you needed."
"Ta."

Girl says to her blonde friend 'Oh look at that poor dead bird!'
Blonde looks up and says where?

Quasimodo dies....ahhhhhh
job of campanologist for notre dame is advertised
a poor wretch with no arms arrives and asks the bishop 'sire sire I am but a poor 'armless wretch but can I audition for the job'
the bishop reluctantly allows him
up in the belfry the wretch runs at each of the bells hitting them with his head
soon the most beautiful music that has ever been heard starts to peal out over Paris
so much so that a great crowd gathers
As the music reaches its climax...the wretch runs at the final bell...misses...falls from the belfry to his death...awwwwwww
the crowd gather around the dead wretch
the bishop runs down the steps to his dead body
someone yells from the crowd 'sire sire ...who is this poor wretch'
the bishop looks at him and answers
'I dont know...but his face sure rings a bell' !!!!!

pay me to stop !!!!!

next day another wretch arrives at notre dame (he is not armless)
'sire sire ...I am the brother of the poor wretch that died so tragically here yesterday...in his honor let me audition for the job'
the bishop reluctantly agrees
he starts to pull on the ropes ....and like his brother the most beautiful music peals out.
again, a crowd gathers to listen
just as he reaches the climax....he clutches his chest and falls dead from a massive heart attack !!!!!awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
again the crowd gather around him
again the bishop runs to stand over him
'Sire sire , who is this poor wretch' asks the crowd
the bishop looks at him and answers
'I dont know....but he's a dead ringer for his brother !!!!'

[carorees]

Loving it...keep them coming!