The FastDay Forum

Grief.

Bono, my beautiful collie x staffie passed away last week. Ever since I'm just really off food. I like the taste of food, and the act of eating, but once it's in my stomach, it just feels like a rock.

I am having at least one meal per day, it's not as if I am completely starving myself, and I'm not doing it on purpose, I just don't feel like eating. But my mother and partner, all they can see is that I'm not eating, and keep nagging me about it, and I don't know how to cope with them.

Obviously grief and loss affect every individual differently. It's not healthy to go without food for extended periods of time. But I'm not exactly going to waste away from starvation in the next few weeks. I am still drinking fluids and take vitamins. I know the body needs some sustenance because it can't make everything by itself (protein, amino acids, etc), but my body says it's just not hungry.

I think I'm asking for advice on the best way to assure them I'm not doing it deliberately, and that I'm not putting myself in any immediate danger from not eating very much. Possibly from a scientific point of view? Though I imagine there would not be any studies on monitoring peoples diet suffering from grief, would be a little morbid. But maybe something documenting the physical symptoms of grief and loss?

Hi Roxy, I can't help you with the eating/grief issue but I do send you virtual hugs about your loss. As someone who has a large menagerie & has already lost numerous cats, dogs & horses, I know how much it hurts xxxxxx

[janeg]

Hello Roxy
I am so sorry to hear about Bono's passing- you must be feeling awful.
It is really tough coping with a loss and also hard to cope with others' well meaning concern.
I'm not sure that a scientific explanation will reassure your mother and partner and wouldn't be able to assist you in this either.
However, from a psychlogical perspective (which I can do) the overwhelming feelings of sadness, loss and grief interfere with physical need and recognising the signals for food, drink etc.
Obviously, your mum and partner are concerned about you - let them know that you appreciate their concern, that missing a few meals never did anyone any harm, that you are still drinking etc and that it'll all come right soon enough. Maybe placate them by negotiating that you will get checked out in a couple of weeks if you still don't feel like eating.
This is a hard time- please be good to yourself and keep up with your one meal a day.
Let us know how you're doing

Oh my... That was sobering, not what I expected. So sorry for your loss. Suppressed appetite is a normal side-effect of grief although it sounds as though you're worried about it. But as I'm writing this I'm wondering if this worry might be taking you away from your grief, unconciously - if you know what I mean

I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of Bono - this must have left a huge gaping hole in your life. Dogs really are members of the family, aren't they?

A few days of minimal food won't do you any harm, but beware of letting it continue for too long - your body could reset itself into "starvation mode", hanging on for dear life to every calorie you put into it. When this happens it becomes incredibly hard to lose weight once you are eating normally again.

So do let your mother and partner tempt you with nourishing food as soon as you are able. It will make them feel better, and it will help you to cope with your natural grief.

So sorry for your loss. Me and my husband went through that two years ago when we lost our little westie Bonnie she was 15. We both lost interest in food for a while. I think its part of the grieving process. If you manage one meal a day you should be alright. I have been extra fussing our Jack (Bonnie's son) since I read your post he is 14 now. Big hug coming your way.
Chris x

Oh my God, that is so sad. I'm so sorry, you must be devastated.

I've experienced my share of grief and I didn't want to eat anything so I didn't eat anything. Not eating for a few days won't kill you and since you're doing one meal a day you'll be fine.
Take your time, listen to your body, I'm sure that you will feel hungry when it's ready to eat more.

It's awful to lose a beloved pet, you must be so sad. Grieving is a process that takes time, it just needs to happen.

Dear Roxy, I really feel for you. Being a big dog lover and having lost pets in the past, its not easy but you will get through it. Just think of the good times, cry lots and in time it will get better. Lots of hugs and kisses.

Thank you so much.

It is hard and I miss him loads. Everything I did revolved around him so much, now when I get up in a morning, I have to stop and think for quite a while what I intend to do that day. I'm lonely I think, especially when my other half goes out to work.

Dear Roxy how sad for you. They are such beautiful, loving creatures who love us unconditionally and why oh why can't they live to 70! You will eat again, for now you will do what u need to do. Hugs and kisses from my Humbug & Danny.

Oh Roxy, I really feel for you. To me it's the only downside to owning animals

Like others have said, you are just going through the grieving process and everyone grieves differently. As long as you're getting plenty of fluids I'm sure your appetite will soon return.

Anyway, big hugs your way xxx