The FastDay Forum

Alongside my BPD I suffer severe self loathing. I completely hate myself & think I am fat as a house, ugly as sin & thick as a plank.
I think I have nothing interesting to say so keep away from groups of people & then I come across as distant or a "bit up myself".
I got married last year & because of how I am my husbands family do not like me at all & there are a lot of them! This in turn makes me self loathe even more. What a nighmare.
I decide to diet then when I get down about how fat I am I go to the nearest Thorntons (which has a closing down sale) & buy a HUGE box of chocolates & stuff them in a couple of hours then feel really angry for doing it.
Vicious circle.
I eat to cheer myself up then hate myself for eating & get down again then starts all over again......Anyone else comfort eat or advice to stop me doing it.
Jaine

Sorry (obviously in a severe self pity mood today).

Oh, dear Jaine, I think that many of us (specially moi) have felt like you.

What is the main bit you don't like about yourself? Bearing in mind, we can do something about being as fat as a house - we are born with our looks (though we can do our best) and our IQ.
I am sure you are not the person you portray yourself to be, but undoubtedly, you are NOT the person you believe yourself to be.

A bit of fun but..

http://www.youthink.com/quiz.cfm?obj_id=38865

There are several phases of self perception, some of which are:

How I think I appear to the world
How I think others see me
How I would like others to see me
How they actually see me (not always apparent to the one asking the questions)


So, ask yourself the question, in the middle of your self loathing:

Is this how I see myself?
Is this really how others see me?
How can I make a change?

More often or not, it's NOT to do with looks/weight/dress, but with personality. And self esteem.

If you hate yourself, maybe you can answer that?

I did and now run my own business, am happily married, have a lovely family and don't care if I measure up or down.
I am me - be proud.

Hi Jaime and welcome if you want to do something about
( the fat person within you ) Then you've already found the right place
It is far far cheaper far healthier far friendlier than any slimming club you could join more importantly it WORKS I should know I started 11 weeks ago clocking in at M/obese with a bmi over 44 and weighing in at 19 St
Now I've lost 22lbs and feel fantastic towards how I felt back then, basically eating what I want most days, I'm doing 4:3 because of the amount I have to lose ( My choice) and must be stressed you do have to watch what you eat the other days + be bit careful + eat more healthier. That's all same food as before but more salads + veg to fill up on your 2/3 days per week. Good luck and join us to make yourself feel better about yourself, then you can show the ''out-laws'' what for Sue

Hi Jaine. A lack of self esteem can lead to all sorts of difficulties with relationships and sometimes our thinking patterns can keep us in an unhelpful place and stop us from seeing the positives in our lives. You have enough insight and self awareness to understand the vicious cycle you have fallen into and that means you will probably respond well to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It's very effective in giving people the tools to move on from unhelpful thinking. Look at the BACP website for lists of qualified therapists in your area. If you don't want to go down that route at all or yet, there are lots of books on CBT that are written in a workbook style so you can make a start yourself.

You say you got married last year - congratulations! - so your husband clearly thinks you are lovable FWIW, I would be honest with his family about your feelings and ask for their support while you work on this. There may be times when it's difficult and you are outside your comfort zone, but I'm guessing you've reached some kind of crossroads since you've posted in this forum, and really want to make changes (doesn't everyone on this site?). I wish you all the very best for your future.

Hi Jaine.

Your experience with food and weight is very common and although you may feel alone, you certainly aren't.

I know you are doing 5:2 at the moment but can I suggest that you have a look at Beyond Chocolate? This book is about getting over the food issues and learning to love yourself. It guides you toward intuitive eating, which has made life so much better for me. It fits in well with 5:2 as well, because I eat intuitively on the 5 days. It would certainly involve moving away from 5:2 for a while, but even if you didn't do the whole thing, a lot of the ideas there might be useful.

I hope that whatever you decide to do gives you some relief from your current feelings.

Hi Jaine, its good to see you back in the forum.
I know this is really low grade amateur psychology but Paul McKenna's book/cd "I can make you thin" (terrible title) is a tool I have found useful. I'm sure there are clips on YouTube.
Sending you a hug

Hi Jaine,

I feel the same about myself most of the time. You are not alone. I had a revelation when I turned up to a work thing and people were pleased to see me. I simply couldn't understand why they wanted me there. I have a wonderful husband and a few close friends and although I don't have the answers yet I am working on trying to see what others see in me while also trying to figure out if there is anything I can do about any of the things I hate about myself.

Remember you can only experience lows if you know what it feels like to be happy.