The FastDay Forum

[Betsysgr8]

Hi, I don't know how to ask, have very seldom asked for help before, not really sure how you can help. My brother-in-law is dying. Nothing that anyone can do at this point but perhaps pray. My sister lost her first husband from a sudden heart attack when he was 49, at least 10 or 12 years ago, now my sister's 2nd husband is in the hospital dying from many complications, lung disease, liver disease and now kidheys giving up, my prayers are not for my BiL but my sister. She's terrified at the prospect of losing him and really can't make any decision regarding end of life choices. I'm hoping that the discussion with the doctors today will sink in a bit tonight and tomorrow when I am with her she will be able to be realisitic with the limited options available at this time. I just pray that his son and wife show up soon (they were scheduled to come next week but time is limited now) and help my sister to look again at my BiL's wishes (directive from last April) and realize that it maybe time to let go. It's such a heart-breaking time.

The doctor's were very sympathetic and kind today and did not ask for a decision right now and my poor sister couldn't even remember if they had ever had such a conversation before, not even when I reminded her of the decision I had to make for my late husband a few years ago.

Such a difficult time and as a few of you know one of my sisters-in-law passed away on Jan 5th. I am asking for some prayers to help support my sister at this very difficult time.

[janeg]

Oh Betsy,
you are all having a tough time. Thinking of you and yours and praying for a peaceful time for you all
(and sending a hug)

[Betsysgr8]

Thank you Jane, I love my BiL but more than anything I love my sister and just don't know how to help and support her through this time. She has 2 children (30 something and nearly 30) that are a bit estranged but only because of Bob (BiL), I hope to get them to her tomorrow as I think they wouldn't say anything stupid right now in her time of need. She could really do with their support right now. I don't think she has really told many of what has been happening because she was thinking that it was all pretty much routine ... but it's not and I really don't think Bob is going to wake up and come home.

[janeg]

it's a tough one Betsy- families- can't live with them, can't live without them and can't choose them either. When I was very ill,a nurse who had looked after me previously did all the cleaning, making comfortable etc then sat down beside me, looked me straight in the eye and said, "right, that's the doing all done, now it's time for the being." she sat with me, not saying anything, just being with me. I get tearful just thinking about it, even now. It was so kind, thoughtful and very appreciated.
Maybe that;s the best thing you can do for your sister

[Debs]

I can't offer prayers but I can offer support. Janeg is right, sometimes you just need someone next to you when things are tough, not questioning, just being there as a person to hug, rail against when needed. Someone to take care of all the practical stuff in life so that she can just sit with her husband.
My thoughts are with you.
Deb

Oh Betsy, that's so sad. Your sister is lucky to have you there for her and so concerned for her well-being. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Betsy I'm so sorry. I'm sending you hugs and saying prayers. Yes as the others said what you can do for your sister is just to be there and love her. Where all here for you.

[Betsysgr8]

Thank you Jane, That is what I'll do with her tomorrow morning after I get all her christmas decorations and tree packed and general cleaning done. I know, it might sound a bit fussy right now but she has ALWAYS had an immaculate house and she will feel a bit better with some order back. I won't leave it too clean (but she has bad cataracts, surgery sched in a few weeks) she really needs some busy work, direction and distraction and I hope to give that to her tomorrow.

Thank you Debs, MaryAnn and Wineoclock, I am there for her, as are our other brothers and sisters, just have to get them there. Like I said, I don't think my sister has realized the gravity of Bob's situation and I think only 1 brother and our mother know but I think it's time for the rest of the family to be notified, I'll get my oldest sister on that in the morning.

Hi Betsy. What a rotten start to a new year. It is so heartbreaking watching loved ones go through a time like this, knowing you can't take away the pain for them. I'm so sorry. Your sister sounds like she is still in denial and so you need to give her time to work through the various stages of grief because as you know it affects everyone in slightly different ways.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to give her a sense of normality around her. Be with her at important meetings at the hospital; I guess you are going to have to keep repeating to her the advice she is being given if she has decisions to make, but she is not taking things in.

Keeping the household jobs up to date as you say is a good one and also keeps you busy too.

Oh Betsy, big hug for you.

Such a hard time to go through. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love x

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Betsy, we lost a loved one last Friday i know its the hardest thing to do but if you can be strong for her, sending you cyber hugs ((((((())))))

Sending you love and prayers Betsy. I think your sister needs you to be strong and practical now and that seems excactly what you are doing. Will pray for you all.

Sending thoughts and prayers your way xxx

Big hugs.

Definitely time to make everyone aware, particularly his son as people never actually expect the worst & always think they have time. My MiL's sister passed on last year & my MiL regrets not getting back down to be there.

I think people worry about intruding by telling other people but you don't think straight when it's a close relative that's ill.

Betsy I wish you and your family the very best during this most difficult time. Hugs and prayers to you all.