The FastDay Forum

[Debs]

Aren't parents wonderful things Penny?!!

Mine came over to stay a few years ago; my mum has had weight issues all her life and has been unable/unwilling? to do anything about it. All the time I was growing up I heard her saying how fat and ugly she was which didn't exactly help three impressionable daughters. The final straw came when she continued in that vein and then came out with how I looked just like her from behind, having finished a diatribe on how fat she was!!! Needless to say I wasn't too impressed! She said I looked fine but she couldn't see the connection, mmmmm

The result is, one confused person; even at my age I cannot look in a mirror and doesn't have one in the house, apart from a tiny shaving mirror. I wear all encompassing clothes, a burqa could have been invented for me. My hubby likes how I look and is supportive whatever I look like and is just as encouraging if I want to lose weight and he can see that this is a good WOL to be doing. He even does the odd fast in sympathy as he says! I hope that this does help, I have 8.6kgs to my goal weight and 6.6kg to a BMI of 25. I am 9stone 12 which is too much for my height (yep, ambidextrous, I can do both at once!!). I would love to be 8 stone or 55 kgs, whichever comes first

I no longer have any contact with my mother. She was poisoning my life and had been from I think the day I was born. I was quite literally blamed for ruining her life. She would have been completely happy being a career woman, but HAD to have kids for my Dad. My younger sister was adored loved and supported, because my Mum already had a whipping boy, namely me, to blame for all her woes.

It basically meant that I wasn't as pretty as my sister, wasn't as smart as my sister (I wasn't even supported to go to college,my sister was supported all the way through college and uni). I didn't have what it took to succeed, even though I ran a couple of businesses with turnovers of over 1 million a year.

This will turn into a rant post if I'm not careful. But this link may help those with problem mothers. Read through the links at the side and see if they ring any bells. http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

[Debs]

It is a very courageous decision to remove yourself from those people who do you damage, be it friends or family. Family are the hardest though. I no longer have contact with my parents but for different reasons. I no longer feel guilty about it, life is too short to have your brain messed with. A good book that I read recently is 'Your parents, they *bleep* you up'. Can't remember the author but the title is snappy! It isn't about blame but understanding the drivers behind their actions and how it is perpetuated through the generations. It made sense to me, but is very relevant to how we perceive ourselves, not just on how we look.
A great idea for a post Wolfie!!

'Your parents they *bleep* you up' is originally based on a quotation from a Philip Larkin poem - link here
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178055

... Just underlines what's been said above by Debs and Julie

Parenting styles have changed a lot over the decades. They encourage parents to use postive reinforcement and encourage kids, not to criticise but some will never learn. They have learnt from the way they were brought up.

I have a good relationship with my parents but my brother and I were never put on a pedestal, we were always told we were useless. They also were happy to point out that I was overweight. They were trying to be helpful but it never was.