The FastDay Forum

Yet You come across as a very gentle and sweet person, it is never too later in your life to have boundaries around and not accept being abused and manipulated no matter if the person is your sick ageing mother. Sounds like you take after your father

If your mother has a urinary tract infection she would be confused. Spent time with someone elderly last week and she was really anxious confused and cranky though not at all like her usual self. Maybe the admission is making your mum more fearful and anxious and she is turning to you and your father for your support.

All the best, and I did have to edit as I might have been too harsh with my original post.

Hello Manderley so sorry to hear that things are so stressful and your mom is ill.

Have they tested your Mom for a urine infection as that can affect how people behave making them aggressive and may also explain the incontinence?

're your weight loss, while having treatment for cancer some of the girls on a site I was on struggled with weight loss and some found that a McDonald's Milk Shake helped them to stop losing weight, not a healthy option I know but may be a short term option!!

Good luck and sending my best wishes to you and for you Mom's recovery x

Have they checked her for salt deficiency? I have seen a saline drip applied to a nasty piece of work change to a humble angel within 48 hours.
Take care of yourself {{{+}}}

Have they checked her for salt deficiency? I have seen a saline drip applied to a nasty piece of work change to a humble angel within 48 hours.
Take care of yourself {{{+}}}

That's important if you can.



Keep us posted

Just bumping this to let @manderley know she is still in our thoughts and a BIG part of the forum. Hope all is well with you and pop in some home and let us know how things are going, much love to you,

Ballerina x

Have they checked her for salt deficiency? I have seen a saline drip applied to a nasty piece of work change to a humble angel within 48 hours.
Take care of yourself {{{+}}}

As suggested by Azureblue your mother may have an imbalance of some type.

@Manderley when elderly people are on medication they can get chemical imbalances which can alter the way they think and react. I think your mother needs to be reassessed by her doctor. I know it's very, very hard but she also might need all the kindness you can muster even if all you might want to do is cry, because it's difficult to cope with her and the comments she's making. I have been in a similar situation myself...it's hard.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can resolve this problem soon.

Hello everyone !

I haven't been there for a while as the situation is still the same. Well, not exactly, she's back at my parents home, in a medical bed, in the living room, and she's as nasty and bitchy as ever. She doens't talks, she barks, orders, insults, she still wants to die and she even made my 23 years old nephew because of the shock she gave him (tto be so nasty, bitchy, insults me as soon as I arrived and saying over and over again she wants to die).

My dad and I are getting very very close of our breaking point, there's not one day where it's not getting nasty, for exemple, she says stuff like I clean up the house because I want to get rid of her and move in. Who says that ???????

@Auriga, I know it's a chemical imbalance however I think that she says what she's REALLY thinking, whithout any restrictions normal people have. I am really really close to wish they would discover a kind of sudden dementia as it would give us a rationnal explanation other that she's a natural b**ch. As you can see, after nearly a month and a half, all my kindness is gone and I pretty much hate her and if it's wrong, well, I am sorry but that's how I feel. I wont give her up because of my dad and because I am a woman with principles but still....


About my weight now....... Well, I won't give you numbers, all I will say to give you an idea is that, I bought a pair of jeans a month ago and they are already one size too big. Which is not good. My blood results are fine, I have energy but I am looking pretty tired all the time. I do a fast a week, because I need it, it gives me balance and the illusion that I can control some things, the other days I eat 2 to 3 times a day and nothing is forbidden, even not alcohol (don't worry, when I drink is one glass, after I fall asleep miserably ). My GP is concerned but not worried, as long as my results are good, which they are.

Sorry for the long rant, I wanted to give you some news as I wasn't around for the last couple of weeks, which is pretty unusual for me

Even if I am not here, you are in my thoughts and I really really thank you for your amazing support through this.

Hello @Manderley and I am so, so sorry you are having such a hard time and my heart goes out to you. I hope you can get respite from this soon. Thinking of you.

You have been in my thought too Manderley, only wish I could offer some practical advice but sending you lots of love and virtual support.

I'm sorry you are going through this really, really hard time, Manderley. I'm thinking of you and sending love

Sorry to hear how awful things are. Thinking about you and hope you get some time to see OH, keep posting if you can as we are all thinking about you.

Might be time to put yourself first, dear Manderly. How is your relationship with your significant other half?
Can you take time out from seeing your Mum? It's a very difficult situation all round xx

Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it

I don't go every day now, more every other day (if that means what I think it means) and that's because I would kill her if I was there every day. Also, if she's in a bitchy mood, I finish what I have to do in the house, go for a walk with my dog and run, basically. I can't take some real time off because of my dad. I can't leave him with her to be the only one to deal with her. Plus, I am scared that all that stress makes one of his cancers back....

About my lovely OH, we are stronger than ever. really trust each other and he even stopped going to a weekly event to have more time for us. Speaking of witch, he's there in exactly 10 hours and we will go for our usual pizza before spending the night burning all the calories we just ate doing some kind of sport, if you know what I mean


I was wondering how is it possible that the body changes that much ? I mean, stress used to make me gain weight without binging, now stress makes me lose weight which is as bad. I mean, in the last few weeks I lost 5 cm around my waist, had to buy a new corset as the other one was wayyyyyy too big

My GP asked me to bring him a food diary next week to try to understand how I could change my diet to stop losing weight. To give you an idea, here is how a normal day would go

For breakfast, black coffee, home made scone with a bit of butter and 4 red fruits jam or chocolate philadelphia

For lunch, chicken or fish with weg and quinoa or barley or rice or pasta (let's not forget that I am trying to not lose weight so don't care about carbs )

For dinner homemade quiche or tart (like a delicious tomato tart I made last week), crêpes, ciabatta, something homemade with a salad and a yogurt.

I don't eat between meals, drink a lot (around 3l water a day)


On my fast day I would have a homemade soup (courgettes or cauliflower, I just love them)

I would also have one to 2 alcohol drinks a week, mostly straight vodka or whisky.

Not the healthiest diet, I know but it's not the point these days. I will be healthier when I will stop losing weight

Can you add some little snacks of lovely cheeses and fruit, might help to stick some weight on you. Of course the current situation with your mum would be burning calories. Unfortunately when our parents or children and other relatives aren't well and not pleasant we often do have to just keep on keeping on. You don't seem to have many choices and I am sure your dad really appreciates and needs your support right now

Sending hugs

@Manderley I read you're posts and I think to myself what a strong intelligent woman you come across as being. X
It's hard when parents are so Ill. When we are young they hold our hand, then it's the other way around. You feel guilty for your bad thoughts, you feel guilty if you don't go, you feel guilty for not being there for your dad, you just feel guilty. Nothing will stop this because deep down, underneath it all is the love. It may not seem like it, but it's there. If it wasn't you wouldn't give a damn and when she started with her words you'd put on your coat and not go back! It's hard, really hard.. Sometimes life throws us that curve ball and we either duck or do our best to catch it and deal with the consequences!
So take your dog for a walk/run and breath... Clear your mind and breath...it does wonders for your soul. Your OH sounds like a real keeper, sounds like he takes your mind off things quite well already!!! Yay Go Manderley
Keep well and look after yourself x