The FastDay Forum

Yes, it's love. For my dad, my dog and one of my cat which lives there, but not for my mother. For her it's only duty. She broke something which will not mend. Let's not forget that I have a sister who cut all ties with her years ago and now I understand why she did it.

About OH, I guess we are each other strength. He has a son mentally ill who has a syndrom I forgot the name, and who is in is not a good state right now. My OH himself has some pretty big health issues, in a few years he will be blind and there's nothing we can do about it. We understand each other and we listen to each other. He had some supposed friends when he told them about all he's going through there was no reaction, no question, even not to know how he's handling it, nothing. I don't understand that. Our world can be so sold, sometimes....

I forgot to mention the cheese, I eat cheddar, brie, cream cheese, I even plan to make a fondue in the next few days.

@debs has just reopened Mountaineering tent @Manderley which is for all going through troubled times or feeling 'under the cosh' for whatever reason. Lots of sharing and sympathy to be had.

@Manderley it's not until life gets tough that you find out who you're real friends are........that is crappy but true!


But cheese...mmmmm....cheese to the best of my knowledge will NEVER let you down! Enjoy x

How lovely to see you back even though things are still tough, sending you many, many hugs, chin up old girl, as they say here in good old blighty

Ballerina x

I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles Manderley.

Re your weight: there might be other metabolic reasons, but your normal diet sounds pretty much like my lean days (though rather more delicious and varied), and you sound more active than me, so I wouldn't be surprised if your food intake is the reason you are losing weight, particularly if you add in the occasional fast day or just skip a meal due to being busy once in a while. From what you describe, you seem to have turned from a naturally fat person into a naturally thin one. Which is great. But a naturally fat person in a time of stress will have to make a conscious effort to eat less, and correspondingly I think you might have to make a conscious effort to eat more. It's good that you are taking a food diary to your GP. Be sure to have the portion sizes and calorie counts as accurate as you can - there's a big difference between the naturally thin person's slice of healthy tart or scone with a little butter and the naturally fat person's portion of the same food. I hope you won't be offended by my saying this - just that it is important to get an accurate picture, so that if you are taking in enough calories, the doctor will know that more investigation is required, and if you aren't, you can address it.

Love and hugs to you, and wishing your mother a speedy recovery!

Sending thoughts and prayers your way, Manderley. I hope your situation improves and sooner rather than later. Take Care of yourself, too!

Don't worry, @kentishlass you didn't say anything that could offend me

I really am wondering how we can go from a "naturally fat person" to a "naturally slim person", how can our metabolism change like that ? I wasn't a naturally fat person anywxay, a trauma (rape) made my body react that way. I am a 2 months prematured so I was tiny until I was 18th.

When it comes to portions sizes, I eat 100g meat during lunch (I never eat meat for dinner) except on fast days and a small plate of vegs and carbs mixed.

The thing is, it could be difficult to eat more as I already feel stuffed like a turkey for Thanksgiving, it may be easier to eat differently. To give you an exwemple, tonight we will go out for a pizza and I will come back with half of mine, as usual

Hi Manderley

Thanks for reassurance

Perhaps "naturally" fat/slim is the wrong word. But I meant having a tendency that way, whether by genetics or very strong habit. I'd imagine your trauma caused you to try to bury the pain by eating, and that even if the pain eventually became manageable, you would by that time have become habituated to eating a lot of calories. The fasting has re-set your habits, and now you are habituated to a much smaller intake - perhaps returned to your natural pre-trauma self. That's a very healthy change, but it doesn't leave you with any margin for slipping below the minimum required intake.

What you say about your portions confirms what I had guessed. I have to battle to get my meat serving size down to 100g on a lean day - it usually means cutting more than half off a standard serve and saving it for the next day. I googled "serving size of meat" and the diet sites all recommend 100g or 3 ounces, but the dinner party planning site said "If the meat is the main feature, as in steak or pork chops with only a few side dishes, we usually go for about 3/4 pound (12 ounces) per person. If the side dishes are more substantial, we'll drop that down to 1/2 or even 1/3 pound (5-8 ounces)." Which explains a lot about the current levels of obesity, doesn't it!

A bit of an update as I have some time, for once

Wednesday went well, considering. With my mother we had some bland conversation (weather, stuff like that) and I didn't go back since, and probably won't go back before Sunday. I really do need that break.

With OH, on the other hand, it was pretty tense. FYI, and I say that because it's not a secret and because we talk about it freely, he's part of the freemasonry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freemasonry and there are some big issues in his lodge and he just resigned that very day. So he was pretty tense and "not there" so we had a kind of a fight late that evening. Nothing really bad, I guess, (we even fell asleep cuddling and next morning everything was just fine) but, in my mind, when I have a fight with a man it means that we'll break up. I know, it's silly but, to be fair, he's my first real long time relationship so it's new territory.

Another thing, he's heavier that I am now and it's kind of shocking. Let me explain, we can now feel my bones and he has a bit of a tummy (very comfortable, by the way ) and it's very strange as it's the first time ever that I can feel my bones....

Also, I was thinking and I think I can say my mother is a big part of why I gained weight in the first place. The first reason was the rape, of course, but I realised these past few weeks that she always used to talk down to me. For example, she told me for weeks that I should stop lose weight, even if I was far from my goal. Why ? Because she's a fat old lady who is lazy as hell and doesn't understand how people can have will power and do everything they can to improve their life...... See, even if I didn't see her the last 2 days, she makes me angry.....

wow your story is pretty amazing. My mum always says it doesn't rain in some folks houses but it pours...and then the sun will come out again. I totally understand about how supposed friends can let you down in times of crisis. I recently had a significant episode of mental illness and I have since reassessed who my friends are. I cut people out of my life for the better. Good luck x