The FastDay Forum

I am feeling really sad about my ever increasing weight and waist. Every day I say tomorrow and every day I fail....and when I fail I fail massively and consume a scary amount of calories. I really don't know what to do. I suppose it is the willpower I am lacking, can anyone help?

xx

I wish I could help--I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than I will be along here soon. Please know that the lovely people on this forum are pulling for you.

Oh @Debsie I feel for you, I really do.
I know some of us are afflicted with the type of personality that rebels against being on a diet, that goes 'I'm not on a diet, I can eat a horse if I want, infact I'll go and prove I can right NOW!'. If you are one of these people, being on a diet feels restrictive in your head somehow.
If this doesn't sound like you stop reading now!
However if it does, I would suggest a readjustment of thinking. This isn't a diet, this is a way of eating where two days a week you CHOOSE to eat very little, and the rest of the time you just eat normally, and that includes some less nutritional foods. If on a fast day (which I never call fast days except on this site, because fast sounds a bit diet-y to me, think of your own name, eg low day) you fancy the less nutritional stuff,remind yourself you've chosen not to have it today, but you'll eat it tomorrow instead. And if you fancy it tomorrow, eat it tomorrow. But maybe you won't fancy it because it isn't forbidden and you are not on a diet, this is a way of eating.
I'm aware this must sound very peculiar and twisted to those with a different relationship with food!
Sending you hugs.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can find a way back up.

There's only you that can do anything about it. I do sympathise because I had been saying for months and months that I hated being fat and wished I could lose weight. Unfortunately I couldn't muster up the willpower to do anything about it and had the "diets always begin tomorrow" mentality. It wasn't until an emergency admission to hospital and the embarrassment of being classed obese as well as the acknowledgment that my diet had made me ill made me feel humiliated enough to realise I had to address the situation. I had been so ill that I realised I was killing myself and heading for a stroke or a heart attack.

The fright it gave me shocked me into action and I am now completely in the zone and doing well.

From the tone of your post, it doesn't sound like you're in the zone. Either something needs to happen that will spur you into doing something or you need to motivate yourself - weigh yourself, look at yourself in the mirror, get those lovely clothes out of the wardrobe that no longer fit you, write down a list of all the benefits of being a healthy weight.

Anyone who says that losing weight is easy is a liar. It takes hard work and bucketloads of willpower. It's a long slog but worth it in the end. We all want the weight to just fall off as if by magic but that ain't gonna happen.

You can do it but you need to find yourself a good reason and a reason that's powerful enough to keep you on the straight and narrow. Good luck

Hi Debsie,sorry this is long!
We started here roughly the same time! Did you lose weight initially? I did, i lost two stone between Sept - Dec 2013, and now,twelve months later,have put a stone back on. Why did i let that happen? i have really struggled this year,so i know what youre going thru,and i empathise. X

Try to analyze where you are going wrong.
For me,i don't always " fail" but i often do fail these days, after those first few months of doing quite well ..
Why? I think in january i started getting bogged down by all the alternatives ..low carb,ADF,4:3, eating windows...Lost my focus instead of keeping it simple.
Soooo my advice is -
** focus just on 5:2,forget all the other stuff until 5:2 is very firmly established as a routine.**

But then,how to stick with 5:2 and get results,when for whatever reason,you're trying and its not happening you feel you can't do it
Maybe you need incentives, i think we all do..otherwise we'd all be sitting by the fire swigging wine and eating cakes!
Hmmmm..Do you have an upcoming event you want to look good at? Something maybe several months down the line?Could this be something to set a realistic goal for?

Do you have health probs which wd lessen or disappear altogether if you lost weight? Is that incentive enough?

Or do you have children/ grandchildren and you would love to be more active with them?

Another one..do you have clothes that don't fit any more but you like them too much to get rid?

Sometimes keeping one of these things in mind can keep us on the straight and narrow! But - none of those incentives work for me very well all the time,just some of the time?

Just thinking of yr signature..
"You can never be what you want to become if you don't change what you are ie. you will never be thin if you keep being fat "
Yes one thing is for sure,if you don't do something different,nothing will change for the better,weightwise...and worrying about it just adds to the stress,pressure and the overeating!

Have you thought of just taking a break from all the stuff going thru yr head..eating well but avoiding the sugary fatty foods for a while til you get clearer in yr head.
perhaps 5:2 just isnt for you? Wd you be better on a cal counted diet? Or in a slimming group for support? Have you thought of trying Paul McKenna cds to help on another level.

I hope you can stick with 5:2 tho.... I believe its effective ( done rightly of course!) and its free!
One last thing..one of our most successful "weight losers " on here said that she still lost weight even if on some fast days she went over her500 cals..up to 8 - 900 cals on her fast days
Wd it help you if you did a kinder version of 5:2, allowing yrself some leeway..keeping well under 1000 cals ..should lead to a decent loss over time? And you can scale down to 500 over time.
I do feel for you,as i often have weeks now where i struggle on fast days and overeat on feed days..others here struggle too,so youre not alone..sometimes the mojo just mysteriously goes and its difficult to get it back again. Wishing you best of luck sorry i havent come up with a solution. There's no easy answer..if we knew the solution to this prob,we wd be millionaires! X

[carorees]

Some good advice here already @debsie. To help us to help you some more, can you bear to explain exactly what happens on your failed fast days? Start with what you eat/do the night before the fast day, then what you eat and when on a fast day, how you are feeling as the fast day progresses. Also, tell us more about what/when you eat on non-fast days. Finally, are you very stressed at the moment in some way whether due to relationships, work, physical stress etc. No need to say what it is just whether you are going through a difficult time outside the whole weightloss issue. This info will help us to drill down as to why things are not working for you.

In the meantime, I would say that I doubt you suffer from lack of will power, it is more likely that there are other things at work that are causing this response.

Hugs

Wow thank you for all your responses. I am kind of trying to use Paul McKenna mind stuff too. But I went a bit Mad and overwhelmed myself buying 4 of his books and not really sticking with anything.I'm a bit desperate for things to change I suppose. I do deep down feel that 5:2 would work for me in a way I feel its the only thing that will. And I keep coming back to it. But a year ago today I was lighter and I've just gradually put onweight. I think the thing is that I am tired. My children are terrible sleepers and really the bedtime antics is not unlike that seen on super nanny. And I really reach out for the sweets when they start the crying and screaming. Last night it was half midnight before it was quiet in my house. It stresses me out, I know It's my fault so I don't blame them. With what I eat its always sweeties, chocolate, ice cream things like that.

Debsie,

Can you get the sweets out of the house? That would make it a lot easier not to eat them. Or if you must have them, consider having them under the control of a helper, like your SO, who you will instruct about when you are to have them. I have done this in the past, and had my SO hide things that were getting me in trouble, and it worked surprisingly well.

[carorees]

Bother, I wrote a long reply and the system ate it when I wasn't looking!

The short version is: read this about stress: https://www.fastday.com/fasting/should- ... essed-out/ and this about hunger problems: https://www.fastday.com/fasting/why-do- ... fast-days/
and, although this is about sleep problems on fast days, it has some information you might find useful: https://www.fastday.com/fasting/how-can ... fast-days/

Hoping you can get some rest soon

So thank you to everyone who responded it really helped me. I even changed my signature to a positive one. I got a bit of my mojo back in the form of......a fitness dvd!! Now I am never one to use these things but this one really appealed because it was dancing - hip hop abs - it is called, I saw it on an infomercial and I have to say I did enjoy doing it. I have always noticed (although I know this is common knowledge and doesn't take a brain surgeon) that when I exercise in the morning I feel so much better and positive about the day. I normally take my dog out in the morning but depending on my husbands roster *this week has been nights which is notoriously bad for me, and the children I might not get to take him out until night time. Last week I made a promise to myself (which I broke as I had not considered the night shift factor) that no matter what I would take the dog out in the morning with the children. So I am going to make myself do something else if I can't do that. But all that aside, the exercise I did really gave me a boost, along with reading all of your lovely replies to be more positive. So, I am fasting tomorrow, but with a more positive attitude I really believe I can do it, whereas before it has been "Oh I have to fast tomorrow cos I didn't manage today". Also, and it took a bit of harshness, I got my children in bed but 8.30pm. Yay. So I am not stressed about that. Feeling good, happy days x x

literally as soon as I clicked submit, I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet - now not even 5 mins later both girls are crying (they woke up and that is what they do), but I am going to be strong.

@debsie: sounds like a hard time but how fabulous that you have posted here and got so much wonderful empathy and wisdom. Here is my 2 bob's worth.
I think that what is so wonderful about 5:2 is that you only have to deprive yourself 2 days a week. As someone else says, focus on that. I think it works best for me if I decide what those 2 days are going to be and don't change them, unless there are exceptional circumstances. So I fast Monday and Thursday. Yesterday I didn't do so well because we had visitors and I ate a big meal with wine and dessert. It occurred to me that I could fast again today, but why flog a dead horse? I'm not going to try to fast today because I tried yesterday and I could say 'failed', but more like, didn't quite make it. So I'll just carry on until Monday and I'll get it right on Monday. Let the past pass. On other days, I don't even think about not eating certain foods. That just makes me feel deprived and that, in my case, leads to over-eating, stocking up in case I can't have enough of what I want. So I just enjoy food. In fact I'm passionate about food! I treat my self really well!

As for the stress issues.... can you get some professional help? I think we get into negative patterns in families and its hard to see your way clear. You keep on doing the same things that haven't worked because you don't know what else to do. Do you have a local child health community centre, parent support group or anything like that? There could be some fairly simple tactics you could learn which would sort that problem.
Hugs and hope your next fast goes really successfully. And it does get so much easier over time.

literally as soon as I clicked submit, I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet - now not even 5 mins later both girls are crying (they woke up and that is what they do), but I am going to be strong.

It's difficult when there's two of them @debsie....doubletrouble!
Be firm and consistent - straight back into bed without engaging in any chatter
Might be a good idea like@Sallyo said, to get some help
The stress you're experiencing with the children may well be the very catalyst that leads to you eating badly rather than making good nourishing choices x

@debsie. I'm just playing catch up. I recognise alot of what you have written although my stressors are different to yours. For what it is worth, I think you are trying to be too perfect - your example of Paul McKenna and the fitness DVD tells me that you are trying every which way because you are desparate to lose weight and you are getting into a vicious circle with it. Relax and try this just for a week:

Go back to plain old 5:2. However do three small meals a day so you don't feel deprived - 200 cals per meal, eg egg on toast, soup, small piece of fish and veggies. If you get hungry have an oxo cube.

Cold turkey on sugar. Sorry, but if you don't break this, you will be in a binge/starve cycle forever. Buy yourself some L-Glutamine in powder form and drink it in water when you feel a craving coming on. It will help you get through those early days.

Try and get at least a little time to yourself. Walk the dog on your own. Just 15 mins to clear your head.

Forget about exercise and anything else until you feel you have your food intake under control. Weight loss is 80% nutrition.
If you are having low moods, think about joining the Low Carbers Tent. Carbs make me very depressed and it's no good when you have to fight yourself as well.
Stay with us. We will get you through this.

Sorry you're finding it hard to fast at the moment @debsie, I know all too well how you feel. I was finding it difficult to get past 4pm without giving in and going a bit crazy. I started making myself a salad to have if I needed it mid-afternoon, in the end I didn't eat the salad and managed to get through to my evening meal. Just knowing the salad was there helped me to put off eating for a bit longer. I'm fasting with you tomorrow so drop into the fasting today thread for support through out the day. If you feel like giving in come on here for a chat and remember the urge to break your fast will pass.
I agree with Rawkaren about the basic 5:2 and put the DVDs on hold for now.
Hope the little ones have settled for you