The FastDay Forum

How are you all doing? Messed up my very elderly parents weekly online delivery order by pressing click and pick up! I must say Asda site is the clunckiest site I have ever come across - and always down, like tonight when I needed to speak with someone in our emergency. I'm 230 miles away from home, so I can't go down and sort it. All will be good, but we must move from Asda. I order from Waitrose, Sainsbury, M and S, and it's easy peasy, if things go wrong.

Still waiting to hear how they can help me. Meanwhile I have loaded the order for delivery tomorrow and waiting for a call back.

So, how are you all doing?

Liz x

Did they sort the delivery out @lizbean?

Hi@Karenm thanks for asking, no unfortunately Asda did not help me, tis hard to sort things out these days on line when one needs a simple solution ........ who ever you speak to seem unable to have the authority or connection to sort it for you if things go wrong or the system is down. So one weeks shopping is likely to cost two weeks worth in cost which is fine. I just hate letting Mum and Dad down I ended up re-ordering the delivery and it arrived at mid-day today so all is good after my panic last night.

How are you, Ka and the family? I've been watching your journey and I hope all is coming to a good space for you going forward. I'll catch you soon on your thread

I started this conversation 10 months back. So many changes here since then. For me, the big change is that my brother and I moved my mom to Colorado, about 15 minutes from my home, last month. The move was quite an experience, but I'm glad we did it. The staff at her new memory care facility is dramatically nicer and more capable. She seems happy to be near most of the family, and doesn't talk about who she left across the country. Sadly, that means she is probably starting to forget them all.

Here's a good story to lift all of your spirits (@Ballerina hasn't posted a good story in a while - so I'm trying to fill in):
We left Mom's apartment in New Jersey at 8:30 AM on moving day. We had spent from 8:00 till 8:30, with the airport van driver waiting downstairs, getting Hercules the cat into his carrier for the journey. Now Hercules is a BIG fellow. I don't think he needs 5:2, he's just naturally big-boned. He also HATES the carrier. So it was a struggle getting him to accept that we were going to win the battle. But we did. Eventually. We got to the airport three hours pre-flight, and it was a good thing. After checking our 6 suitcases, we arrived at security with Mom, her wheelchair, three carry-on bags, and Herc in his carrier. I should mention that brother and I had had ONE hour of sleep the night before this adventure - we simply left too much packing and organizing for the last minute. Neither of us had pulled an all-nighter in decades. So we were not operating at our best. Brother's bag went through the x-ray machine, and they pulled him aside. Full bottle of water in it. But not just that. No, there were also 8 silver knives. In our haze, we had put the family silver set in carry-on - knives, forks and spoons, all monogrammed. For safer transport. I will be forever grateful to the TSA employee who didn't confiscate this huge mistake. Next, another TSA employee came up to us and asked us to take the cat out of the carrier so he could be inspected. We just stared at him, horror-stricken. After we explained that we would surely miss our flight if we had to get Hercules back into the carrier at that point, he went away for a while. When he came back, he agreed to inspect the cat while in the carrier. Another person to be forever grateful to. So Brother and TSA guy went into a little cubicle with Herc. Meanwhile, Mom was on the other side of the xray machine in her wheelchair, waiting for a "female-assist" to get her through security. Certainly she was frightened, but of course I couldn't go back through the xray machine to wait with her. When a woman finally showed up, I think all she did was swab Mom's hands. Because of course an 85 year old demented woman is likely to be smuggling drugs. The flight was long, but the hardest part was over, and the next day Mom said to me "you mean I flew here? I don't remember that." So all's well that ends well.

We look for blessings too, it's probably good your mom doesn't remember the flight. But it gives you and your brother something to chat about
My update - kerrianne had her surgery 9 days ago. She was doing ok until getting her hand in her nappy yesterday. I've had to remove her hip dressings and shower her, meaning paper stitches are now loose. Not sure whether I cleaned the wounds enough as she was in lots of pain at this point and sobbing. She sounds very happy this morning

Her respite centre closes at the end of the month. I phoned the team manager on Thursday to admit I've made a mistake about the autism centre and I think she'd be better at the other centre, even though it's an hour away. I'm now worried that was a mistake! I don't know what to do!

I am tired Changing her nappy is difficult, doing her exercises in upsetting, I'd like to be her mum, but am currently her nurse and therapist without the training.

[janeg]

Sounds as though you're conflicted again @Karenm. Hope things settle a bit. Mums usually know best
Can you set aside a small bit of time every day to just 'be mum'? I know when I had an emergency and very upsetting illness, one nurse in particular did all the cleaning and turning and physical stuff. Then she sat down beside me and said
'right. That's the doing done. It's time for some being' She sat with me, just being there and I am convinced that it was that one thing that mended me. (I get quite teary even now thinking about it)
Maybe worth a thought ...

Good morning @Wendyjane good to hear that the move is finally behind you all. Isn't is amazing how just a little bit of common sense and humanity can make all the difference to everyone's lives?
@Karenm I hope things het a little less stressful for you soon and as @Janeg says, perhaps just a few minutes of 'mum' time every day may make you feel a little bit better.

My best wishes to everyone who is a carer whether to your children parents,partners or anyone else who you are all looking after, it is not easy

Ballerina x

@Karenm 9 days down - how long till Kerrianne's surgery heals? I'm sure they will let you change your choice of centre, it's fine to change our minds. @Janeg you made me teary too, what a wonderful nurse and great advice.
@wendyjane yes, you lifted my spirits glad to hear your mum is nearby and settled. My dad has normal memory loss for a 95 year old, during my last visit, after breakfast he went into the lounge and Mum and I started setting the dining table for a big lunch we were preparing, he then came back in and looked us inquisitively and quite sadly said I have not had my breakfast yet . We reminded him he had porridge and toast at which point he burst out laughing and said well at least this darn memory loss can bring us a bit of fun. Yes, my tummy does feel full.

Off to the walkers tent to see if Janeg has announced today's count down to the holiday she is taking us all on ... well that's if there is internet.

I'd like to extend a warm invitation to @sassy1, @chriso57, @powla, and @Bobshouse to come by here if you haven't already. I was reading your stories on the who's missing thread, and my heart goes out to you, especially Bobshouse.

So many of us dealing with demented relatives. The only upside I can think of is that fasting has become easier, as I'm constantly thinking that this could be what "saves" me from this awful disease. That and exercise, which I'm also pursuing with a vengeance.

My mother has now been here near me for two months. She has lots of anxiety - is prone to shout out "Help me, help me!" both in her own room and sometimes even in the common room with other folks around. But I'm so much happier with the staff than I was when she was across the country. And every time I arrive there, she has this surprised happy smile and says "What are you doing here?!" And I say, again, I just live up the road....

Thank you so much for this. I have been very off course, gradually gaining weight and unable to do anything about it. Food really is my only comfort just now. I had a week back in the UK for meetings but didn't get anywhere. We have to continue supporting and funding my father ourselves. It is getting harder and I know it will just get worse. I appreciate the Government does not want to fund people due to cut backs but it is ridiculous I am expected to pay for 1/2 hour of a carers time to have dads dinner plate put on the table! He walks with a stick and cannot carry his dinner plate himself. I have to wait for the next crisis when that will be dealt with then the door closed again until the next time. And that is how it will continue. Next month we are taking him away for a weekend before we have our first holiday for 7 years. It will be difficult but he is very excited about going.
I don't know if I will ever get back on track with my weight.

@Bobshouse Reading about your dad's problem carrying things- both my mother and a friend with a similar problem have a tray/trolley provided by social services which has solved that problem- I have also seen the same trolley for sale,it wasn't expensive. It might be worth looking at the Able world Website they seem to have all kinds of things that are helpful.

Nice to see you on the forum again @bobshouse sorry things are still difficult with your dads care. Have a lovely weekend away. The fasting will happen again when the time is right and we'll be here waiting to support you when you're ready x

Thanks @wendyjane for your interest and concern, and the invitation to join this tent. I will have a read through from the start when I get some time - I have a bit of catching up to do with the forum as I did not check in over the weekend.

Bobshouse' situation is, well, I am struggling to find words to describe how it seems. Very upsetting and draining and I understand totally how food is a comfort. I mentioned elsewhere that things seem better in Australia re government covering the cost of services. This is one worry I don't have with my dad - his age pension covers all these.

I am pleased to report that things are going ok overall at the moment. Dad does understand that it is easier for mum with him in a nursing home, and accepts it for this reason, even though he would still prefer to be at home - who wouldn't. I think the thing he is finding hardest to deal with is how others have more, and he has less, control over what he does and what happens to him - when he would still be able to do/manage the things that others are now doing for him (eg managing the family finances, getting his own lunch). Did I report elsewhere that at least dad has now been allowed to use his walker when and where he wants. This was a significant factor in his acceptance of living in the home.

My OH and young adult sons came with me to visit my parents for the Fathers' Day weekend just gone (we flew, OH and I stayed with mum, sons stayed at local motel). Was quite hectic but both mum and dad appreciated seeing all the family. I ate heaps tho... I could blame it on dealing with the "stress" of it all, but really it was just due to the availability of lots of foods I normally avoid - and greed(!).

I guess the biggest issue for me is being 800km away from my parents, and them having no family around, or any other people, who can take on an informal carers role for them.

I "look forward" to reading about others' situations. Best wishes to you all.

We did look at getting a trolley but it would have meant having an occupational health assessment done to decide if it was safe. It was too complicated and easier to pay! Our main problem now is he keeps going into town on the bus, taking money from the bank and buying stuff he doesn't need. He doesn't understand to check what he has and is stockpiling stuff. He makes poor decisions. We now have a taxi on account to take him to clubs and things as he has caught the wrong bus home. It is trying to keep one step ahead. We have now managed to get him to keep a tag on his keys with his name and my daughters mobile number in case of emergency. I just want him in a place where staff are trained in dementia care.

Thanks @wendyjane for thinking of me. It is so easy when you are busy looking after family members to get on a downer and think who is looking after me in all this, but you plod on regardless so it is nice to know someone is interested in how you are doing. I will have to try and use the forum more, if only to vent or more drastically to scream which I feel like doing often these days. But one good thing even though life is challenging we all have our physical health, which is a blessing.
I am trying to keep stable as far as my weight loss goes, I don't comfort eat as in snacks, just sticking to two meals a day, but my portion size at dinner is creeping up and I am having more carbs than I have in the past three years, not cakes and sweet things more savory stuff which is why I have put weight on I suppose.
I have a holiday booked for Jan, so must make an effort to lose it by then. Can live in hope.
Chris x