The FastDay Forum

@Julieathome Big but gentle hugs and good vibes. I know how pain can be unbearable at times and hope you are feeling better

@debbiejgb Big hugs and good vibes your way

Just have a few minutes before going to lunch with my dad and to the hospital after. Still have no idea what happened but had to be the parent yesterday as my mum was insufferable, childish,blackmailing my dad ("if I don't take my own meds, you'll see...."). Until I put my foot down and found a way to calm her down saying "if you don't keep quiet and try to be nice, you won't have the med you want". She calmed down instantaneously.

As for my OH, I'll take the time to explain tonight, right now I am late for lunch....

Good day and "may the force be with you" (I heard that, somewhere, before.....)

Hi all, thank you for your good wishes. I eventually got to sleep at 4:30. I've woken up and can move my arms properly again, but the pain is still in my neck and shoulders. Its been going on so long that now that I can even tell that tonight is going to be the same as last night because the muscles of the back and shoulders are tense they are pulling on the neck which is causing the pain, which is making my shoulders tense ad infinitum and forming a vicious circle.

Hubby is supportive, normally, its when I'm feeling sorry for myself that he isn't very. But I am exactly the same with him. If we are really suffering the other does everything they can to help and ease and cheer up.

At least I've got over my depressed hump. It is a frustrating life I have right now. I make plans for the next day and am lucky to do 2 out of 5 jobs. Which means it then gets delayed to the next day, which bumps other jobs even further back. I want my superwoman knickers and cape back. I liked being superwoman.

Gentle hugs to you Julie

Here, everything is crazy. My mother is a b**** who makes her roommate cry, blackmail people, ring me (and I learn a few minutes ago, she rang also my dad)at 3:00AM without any other explanation that "I want to go home, I can't explain what happened" and "I don't have respect for anything or anybody". Her attitude is getting worse and worse by the day and, really, it's becoming more difficult to not tell her to go to wherever people who act like that go !

I am sorry I am grumpy but I suppose it's part of the consequences when you had less than 3 hours sleep the night before.....

[Betsysgr8]

Manderley, Do the doctors still not know what happened with your mother?! Has she ever behaved like this before? Have they changed any of her medications? What are they testing her for and what have they ruled out as possible causes for the sudden change in behaviour? It must be so frustrating for you and your Dad. *hugs*

So sorry to have "dissapeared" this past few days but last week have been really overwhelming. My mum is at home now but still not cured, the hospital had to "let her go" because she was a handful and depressed. So she's at home but in bed and I had to help my dad for all the house management, plus he is becoming depressed as well so I have to deal with that. To end a "perfect" week, I had a gastroenteritis Thursday so you can imagine how crazy all that was....

About what my mum has we still don't really know. The only know for sure she has one of several bile duct stones which can even explain why she is depressed.

We should have some answers tomorrow night when she'll see her "doctor"

Oh @Manderley, so sorry that things are still no better for you. I hope that the doctor will be able to find the cause of your mother's illness, you do have your hand's full at the moment.

Sending plenty of hugs and support your way and hope that you are able to get some 'me' time.

I was going to wait to post till I had more information, but as I'm sitting here thinking about it anyway, here goes...

I started this thread out with a post about my mom, who has Alzheimer's and lives 2000 miles from me. A couple of weeks ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. There was a mammo, then a biopsy, now she's being scheduled for an MRI to get a better look at the cancer.

This is a woman who has survived cancer three times already! Breast back in the '80s when she was about my age, then non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, then a melanoma on her scalp (removed with no need for chemo or radiation). She's a fighter, but is no longer in any condition to be fighting.

Do we tell her? Possible that she would remember, but unlikely. Do we have her write the bad news on her calendar? We've so far voted no on that - why make her frightened every time she looks at the calendar, which she uses to keep track of her daily commitments. And do I start flying back there to deal with every step of this? Should I be there for the surgery? So far, we don't know whether it will be a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. The latter presumably much more serious of an operation.

I'm feeling, more than anything else, rather overwhelmed.

wendyjane, in 2003 my dad had 3 cancers, 2 of them nearly killed him. He had a heavy surgery, was in an induced coma for 2 weeks, it was 3 hours from my home but decided to be there every steps of the way. I wore his watch the whole time as a good luck charm and told that I wouldn't take it off until he was out of the hospital. The doctors told us he would surely died but he beat the odds and he's still here today, living a full life, even if he's way more fragile because of everything that happened and the products they put in your system to keep you in an induced coma.

All that to say, and it's just me, of course, I never regretted my decision, even if it was really really hard emotionally and physically. It was important to me to be there in case the worst happened.

About your mom, go with your gut, what you feel. Be there for her and for your peace of mind but don't forget to live and be careful as cancers can run in one's family. People are full of surprises and find strength even when we don't know if they will. At the time, if we listened to the doctors, my dad wouldn't have survived and here he is 10 years later even after a stomach, esophagus and prostate cancers....

Be strong

This is going a bit off topic, but I just want to relay a conversation I had this week with a nurse doing my mum's annual diabetic review. Mum had a blood test before the review and I was interested in the results. My mum has Alzheimer's and can't remember that she has diabetes, she also has a very sweet tooth. I gave up telling her that she shouldn't have sweets, cake etc when out shopping. At 82 years old I don't begrudge her anything. I also don't believe she has diabetes, she shows no symptoms at all, is not on meds.
Anyway her liver and kidney function were fine, then comes the cholestrol results, a bug bare with me as I had her GP take the statins off her prescription last year, they automatically put her on the same one that made my husband ill even though she had not had a heart attack or stroke. Her total chol.was 6.0 up from 4 last year so the nurse in the same breath mentions statins. I asked her what her ratio was and it came up 3.1 which to me is fine so I told her why I did not want my mother on statins.I am well read on the subject and have had a bad experience with my husband.
The moral of this story is do not be afraid to challenge Medics on behalf of the people you are caring for. They do not know everything so go with your gut instinct and do not be afraid to speak out and ask questions.
My best wishes to you all who are carers. I have been carer to my parents this last seven years and we have a family full of kids on varying degrees on the Autism spectrum, my youngest grandson has physical and mental special needs. I send hugs and love to you all

Chris x

@Manderley, thanks for your kind words. I hope things are going a bit better with your mom. And indeed, a large part of my motivation in losing weight was to try to decrease the odds of getting cancer. Breast cancer is certainly linked to overweight.

And @Chriso57, I was talking to my mom yesterday about the MRI scheduled for tomorrow. Talking to her is like entering the Twilight Zone (are you familiar with the show, or is that a strictly American thing?). She says "How can I be sick - I feel so healthy?" I answer "Good, that will help you fight it." She "tells" me about the MRI a couple more times during the call (it's on her calendar, which she references during our calls so that she can report on what's going on in her life). Then at the end of the call she says "I'm going to be 85 in February, but I'm really healthy - so much more than most people around here." The power of positive thinking?

@Julieathome, @debbiejgb, @coffeetime, thinking of you all daily.

I don't contribute much to this thread but I do read it and you are all amazing and coping with an assortment of troubles and strifes and you all have my undying admiration and respect for your resilience and determination to get the best for your loved ones no matter the cost to yourselves.

@Wendyjqne my mother had a breast lump when she was in her late 80's and the manager of the nursing home asked me what I wanted them to do about this. I opted for no treatment, no X-rays or scans or surgery. At this age it should be very slow growing and I felt that she would die of her neurological disease before any cancer, if she did indeed have cancer, got her. I saw no reason to worry her, my sister had died of breast cancer, or subject her to unlimited examinations or invasive treatments. My gut instincts were correct and she did indeed pass away with her breast lump having caused her no problems. This is a very personal issue and only you can decide what will be for the best, not an easy decision, whatever you decide so I wish you all the luck in the world and send hugs to you and your mum, good luck,

Ballerina x

Thanks for your kind words, @Ballerina. Since the doctor who did the biopsy said the tumor was slow growing, and that meant 6 -12 months till "something happened" we decided to have them investigate further (do an MRI). One year didn't sound "slow" to us at all, and if it metastasized she could be in a whole lot of pain. The MRI results should be available by Monday, and then we'll see. I guess it's surgery either way, just how much surgery is the question. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It seems like this cancer hits more families than it misses

Wendyjane, one year can be slow, depends on what the doctor means with "something happened"... To give you an example, the tumor my dad had in his esophagus grew so quickly that they changed their "attack plan" a month after the initial exams. On the other hand my grandfather stayed years with his prostate cancer... Crossing my fingers for your mum...

Ballerina, so sorry for your sister and your mum...

Not only cancers but diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis and I miss some. If I look at my close family health history, it will be a nightmare as I could get a lot of these (and much more I won't translate)so I prefer not to focus on that.

I nearly made my dad cry yesterday..... My mum is still mostly on bed rest so doesn't do anything in the house and, as I go there everyday (I have some medicine to give to the cat and my bike is there as well), I also do small things like the washing up and a bit of cleaning. It's nothing and I do it because I am a bit of a freak that way (and, believe me, I restrain myself as I could do a lot more there, the house is in total chaos) and yesterday, he was overwhelmed with emotions and had tears in his voice.

I didn't make a big deal out of it but it's very overwhelming.

Now that we know more what my mum has, even if we don't know yet if she will go on the operation table or not, I worry for my dad. He is fragile, especially this time of year, and is so tired these days....

Can you imagine that my mum ask me : if we have a dog (after this one will pass), will you take care of it when we're gone ?

Crazy times......

Hi all. Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words. I went to Vermont to stay with my mom. I originally thought it would be months, and I would be doing some care and arranging for extended care. By the time I got there, they had reported a blockage of her kidneys and had put in stents to get through the blockage. They didn't work and it was apparent we had days. The doctors suggested a nephrostomy, but with no hope of a cure,she declined treatment and we brought her home with hospice care. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with her and my sibs were all there. She passed away Dec. 2, and I will always treasure those last days with her.

Best wishes to you all - wendyjane, Manderley, and Juliaathome, and whoever else may be having health issues whether your own or a close family member.

Hi all. Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words. I went to Vermont to stay with my mom. I originally thought it would be months, and I would be doing some care and arranging for extended care. By the time I got there, they had reported a blockage of her kidneys and had put in stents to get through the blockage. They didn't work and it was apparent we had days. The doctors suggested a nephrostomy, but with no hope of a cure,she declined treatment and we brought her home with hospice care. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with her and my sibs were all there. She passed away Dec. 2, and I will always treasure those last days with her.

Best wishes to you all - wendyjane, Manderley, and Juliaathome, and whoever else may be having health issues whether your own or a close family member.

Sending you love on this day. hugs That's all I know what to do. So sorry for your loss.