The FastDay Forum

Hi everyone,

LONG RANT ALERT, sorry

I think I've come to a dead end and that's maybe a very good thing. I've tried many things now: Dukan, Cabbage soup diets, Paleo, fasting, paleo-fasting, you name it.

Currently, I do paleo (most days, but with milk and the occasional cake if there's a party) with fasting once or twice a week. I run 4 times a week and dance twice a week.

I've been trying to lose the "last 2 or 3 kilos" for years now. Yes, YEARS. I've managed to do it several times, but always bounce back. Sadly, the bouncing often includes an extra kilo.

Pre-kids, I was 53 or 54 kilos and never had weight issues. Then I came up to about 55, which seemed like the end of the world at the time, and now would be a real dream. Now I am 58-59 kilos. So, that's 5 kilos, two kids and two decades later.

This morning, I asked my husband to tell me honestly whether I have put on weight, because the scales have been saying I have, but I've been SO good, and I don't look fatter than before. He just answered: "You're nearly 40, and you look 30. You're no longer a tiny little thing, no [I was a UK size 8 when we met, I'm a 12 now], but it doesn't matter. You look healthy, you exercise and eat well, there's nothing more you can do. You're not a boxer who needs to cut weight, so stop worrying about it".

I think I've just realised two things:
1) My husband is such a lovely, loving man, and I must remember that next time he annoys me
2) Maybe I need to STOP trying to lose weight! What's 5 kilos, in the grand scheme of things? I have a healthy BMI, I have two kids and a demanding career, and I'm happy when I don't think about those 5 kilos... Maybe I just need to accept myself as I am? After all, I also do suffer from Hashimoto's disease (treated, but with residual symptoms) and very low blood pressure, which can make dieting very uncomfortable and inefficient, so maybe I've been asking too much of my body?

I just worry that it's the beginning of "letting myself go". I grew up with an overweight, diabetic mother who cried daily because of her food addiction. I am so scared of ending up like her. I am such a control freak when it comes to my body

I just want to stop doing this to myself though. Maybe I can keep the paleo-fasting with occasional treats and stop seeing it as a diet? Maybe I can weight myself much less often and have a "limit" I shouldn't go over (60 kilos, for instance)? Keep running and focus on health?

It seems like such a major paradigm shift for me, I need support

You look healthy, you exercise and eat well, there's nothing more you can do. You're not a boxer who needs to cut weight, so stop worrying about it".

I think this is the key. If you look healthy, exercise and eat well - then you're probably just where you need to be. Also, body shape changes, especially after having children. The same weight wouldn't be the same body.

(And your hubby sounds like a darling!)

You definitely seem to have discovered your solution, @nanou; use your 'control freak' power to focus on sticking to healthy eating, not seeing a particular number on the scale. Fasting is good, a real food lowish carb regime like the Paleo is good. You did the Dukan diet, so you are aware that he "allows" women extra kilos above their teenage sveldest for every decade and every child?

I am in my sixties and not a mother but even I do not seriously expect to be 8 1/2 stones again. But neither am I fat, I weigh exactly what the Atkins site recommends for a woman of my age and height, so although I will carry on fasting for health I will not be upset if the weight does not go down.

Keep up the good work with eating well, tweak it if you learn more about nutrition - there's a lot about that on the forum, and lots of discussions about ideal weight you might look at.

Good luck. You are not doomed

I think you are spot on when you say you don't need to lose the last kilo's. It is probably about control like you say. I too had a mother who did things I'd never do and it's easy to overdo doing the opposite. Congratulations on living such a healthy life! I think your husband deserves a big hug, he's just saying relax and enjoy yourself and life

Your husband sounds lovely! He loves you as you are, it is important that you do to. If you feel OK then forget those extra few kilos. If you want to lose them then it is possible with discipline. You are within the healthy BMI weight, you are fit and you do a lot of sport. It also sounds like you have issues with the way your mother was and as long as you are in the healthy BI range and eat healthily you shouldn't be worrying about that.
BUT - if you want to lose those few extra kilos, it IS possible if you put your mind to it. I've got 2 kids, I'm a single mum with 2 jobs and started 5:2 at the age of 47 with a BMI of nearly 21 and lost 6 kgs to be the slimmest I've ever been. I also feel very good and healthy at being my current weight combined with all the running I do. A lot of excuses are made about not being able to lose weight, age, having kids etc. but I don't believe them! So if you want to, you can get down to a smaller size, but the most important thing is that you love yourself, and if you do as you are, then don't upset yourself about losing those few extra kgs.

Thanks everyone, you're a good bunch
I always know I will find support on this website.
I will try refocusing on health as discussed and let you know how I get on. Running certainly has improved my body image and mood in general, which is why I guess I have started doubting my real need to diet. I will keep running for sure!

Hi Nanou isnt it sad that so many of us have these feelings about our shapes and sizes and how often these hangups have come from our mothers,who in their turn were influenced by their mothers or society in general or whatever. No wonder it's so hard to let go of them and be happy when theyre so deeply ingrained in our psyche that we almost imbibed them with our mother's milk.
You sound so healthy and active with a great hubby and plenty of self awareness. I do understand tho your worries of " letting yourself go"... I let myself go years ago and would love it if some day i returned! however, ask ypurself,if you keep an eye on things,as you have done so far,realistically why on earth would you suddenly turn fat and blobby?
I do think you need some sort of help tho to resolve yr anxiety as it sounds like its making you unhappy despite an otherwise nice life...not sure whether you would go to counselling, or maybe try some self help literature? Or maybe doing 6:1 or 16:8 and keeping up your running would alleviate your worries about gaining weight and allow you to maybe drop another kilo here and there?
Good luck and like Running Olsen said,congrats on a healthy lifestyle.x

Great advice, CandiceMarie. Maybe I do need to focus a little on my mental heath too What you say about mothers is so true, I am so worried about passing these problems to my daughter, and she's only 9...

@Nanou Come over and join us on the running thread! I'm so glad you enjoy it. I find is great for the head as well as the body too. One of the reasons I like keeping my weight at the low BMI is because I run with a club and do a faster time in races if I'm lighter, but I enjoyed running before so it isn't indispensable.

Yes thats true,we don't want to continue the cycle ..hopefully coz youre self aware,your daughter wont pick up negative messages
Its sad that so many very young girls already have " issues" ...very often coming from the media as much as from mothers these days..
I didnt mean to imply you have mental health probs by the way! Just that you're like lots of us on here, food and exercise are things we are very often beating ourselves up about xx

Great, Franglaise, I'll join the running tent (I'll come running, of course) (I am SO funny)

Hi Nanou,
I too am eating in a paleo type way and listen to Mark Sissins pod casts in the car from the Primal Blueprint' the same Mark from Marks Daily Apple. He said if you are at a weight where you feel great, have enough energy and can maintain it pretty easily then you are probably at your ideal body composition where you will probably live longer. He said if you want to lose more for vanity or to look good naked, it can be done and a trainer can help you with that ( he recommends 10 things but sport wise sprint HIIT training once a week, lift heavy things a few times a week and move/ play regularly,) as well as eat animals and plants ( which you do) get adequate sleep, use your brain, that's all I can remember.
I also remember Carorees saying that a bmi of 22 is ideal health wise so it sounds like your in a great place.
I hope this may be of some help and best wishes.
Xxx

A healthy BMI and "looking healthy" after 2 children is great. I think as women we expect that we will always be as we were when we were in our twenties, we don't factor that after children our waist and hips will be thicker, we will likely have stretch marks and a few extra kilos. My goal weight is the thinnest I have ever been (which incidentally is pre-children), maybe once I get back in a healthy bmi I'll think differently and have a more achievable weight. Maybe you should stop weighing and just keep up the lifestyle that has served you well.

You are fortunate to have a great BMI. Be healthy and happy and maintain.

This whole body image thing is not good, because it's not centered on health. There is so much pressure on women to look perfect, and indeed be perfect: have an amazing career and be an involved mother all at once, keep a spotless house, be sporty, be fun, have a social life, all the while making sure your legs are shaved, eyebrows plucked, lines smoothed, hair roots done, curls straightened, toes painted and so on. WHO on earth can do all that?! Something has to give.

But if you focus on health, then it becomes something kind you do to take care of yourself, it's really quite different... I'm trying to make that shift.