When mother had to move out of her care home and into our local Nursing HomeI just packed all her things in bin bags to be sorted when we got here. She had acres of clothes so a good culling was long overdue. I brought all her coats and jackets to our house because when she leaves The NH the only outdoor garment she will need will be of the wooden variety. I also stored boots, handbags, gloves and anything else I didn’t think she would use or wear again. A couple of things she had I put into my wardrobe as they are lovely and when she bought clothes herself she favoured names like Jaeger and Country Casuals etc. so a couple of elegant additions are quite welcome at my time of life. I threw away most of her knickers because they were now all far too big for her, every time she stood up all her clothes from her waist down fell to the floor, I once knew a girl that could do that same trick at parties and very popular she was too. I recently bought lots of new size 10 knickers, I had been asked to get her size 8 but the only 8s I could find were thongs and I didn't think thongs coupled with incontinence pads would be a very good look. Whilst sorting out her knickers I came across a brand new pair, size 14, that I’d obviously missed when I was writing her name on them. I didn’t remember buying her size 14s, but there they were, same as all the others, M&S, white and lacy. I assumed my niece had bought her them. As they had never been worn and would now be too big for her, I put them in my own drawer drawer and thought no more about them. Obviously this was all prior to my introduction to 5:2. 'Waste not, want not’ was what my Scottish mother drummed into my Scottish head so when I came across them a few weeks later I decided, waste not, why not? They did not have the high cut legs which I prefer but were comfortable nevertheless. I drink too much coffee and as sure as eggs are eggs my bladder was soon full to overflowing so off I go to the loo. As I was sitting there with my mother’s new knickers round my knees I caught sight of the little label which they attach to the back. I could see the underside of the label and realised that I had in fact written her name on them as is de rigueur in NHs. This intrigued me as I usually just wrote her surname in huge letters on the fabric as the labels are too small and have too much printing on them already to add anything else. I was having difficulty reading what I’d written as I wasn’t wearing glasses at the time. (I’ve been going to the toilet most of my life and I find I can now do it from memory so, glasses are not entirely essential at these moments) The ink was very faint but I’d clearly written her Christian and surname, one above the other in tiny print. As I was wearing the garment, albeit round my knees, the label appeared to be upside down and I couldn’t easily get it the right way to read it. There was no other way, off came one of my shoes, one trouser leg and one knicker leg so I could see it properly. I couldn’t make it out at all, but both names clearly started with the correct initial, so far so good. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I’d written my own name, we have the same initials, what was I thinking? Is my brain now melting and leaking out of my bottom? I remembered that I had a pair of glasses on the top of my head so that was handy. Even with glasses it wasn’t easy to read what I’d written. Suddenly, there it was in black and white for all the world to see, although perhaps not at that exact moment. I could finally read what it said and what it said was ‘Millicent Sykes.’ Who is Millicent Sykes? Good question, I’ve never heard of her in my life but we seem to share more than our initials. All I know of Milly, my new best friend, is that she is a pair of knickers short of a matching set, and what is worse is that I now have the aforementioned undergarment draped round my ankles, well, one ankle to be exact. I pondered this strange conundrum for a couple of minutes and eventually came to the conclusion that Millicent Sykes must be incarcerated at the care home where my mother lived before her move and that’s how her underpinnings came to be in my mother's drawers drawer. The laundry system at the care home was a trifle unpredictable. Everything that was put back in your room was beautifully pressed and presented; the only problem was that it often was not your clothes. Still, all the ladies there had expensive taste, like my mother, and they all seemed to purchase similar things. Sartorially, I think you will find that they are described as ‘Classic.’ It was never a problem as mother always looked nice no matter whose clothes she was wearing and I used to joke with the manager, that they obviously operated a ‘first up, best dressed’ policy. We used to have quite a laugh about this and I warned her to keep an eye on the situation as the last thing she would want to find in the morning when she walked in was her dad, who was the only male resident at the home, sitting there in a nice little frock, unless of course it was his colour and a flattering fit. When it finally dawned on me that I was perched on the toilet with a complete stranger’s knickers at half mast around just one knee, I couldn’t stop laughing. Thank goodness I was alone in the house at the time or I reckon Hubs would have had me certified if he’d heard me, laughing like a hyena, on my own, in a locked room. Well, I laughed so much that, if I’d still been wearing them, I swear that Milly's knickers would never have dried! I must get rid of my frugal Scottish habits before I do something really stupid! Needless to say, I’m not planning to reunite Milly with her knickers. I don’t think that is what the ‘Friends United’ web site is intended for. I wrote to the care home and enquired if the infamous and now world famous Milly was one of her walking wounded and if she was, had she mentioned any shortfall in her gusset area? She was and she hadn't, which is good as it means that my secret is safe!
Have a good Mother's Day, I still miss mine
Ballerina x
Have a good Mother's Day, I still miss mine
Ballerina x
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