The FastDay Forum

I haven't really thought of carer support gillymary, that's something I can look into

just want to add hugs and to let you know that someone is listening without judgement, for what it is worth, wish I could offer more.

I will add a note to just say that when you get on an airplane (at least in the US), while they are telling you about the oxygen masks they make sure that you know to put yours on first THEN you can help those around you. So I would say to find your oxygen, it obviously has to be something that is not destructive to yourself.

Holding you in my thoughts.

Hi coffeetime, so sorry to hear all the stress you are going through, i think eating more on your feasting days is the least of your problems, i think myself that if your still loosing weight and it gives you a bit of comfort then have it, It must be so very hard for you, you need something in your life and if it's that then so be it, I binge myself sometimes and I don't have problems like you, take care of yourself
Smudge

I can sooooo relate (with the bingeing aspect!) it drives me mad. It doesn't make sense does it that we can go from one extreme to the other!! It's a cycle of getting so far and doing so well, and sabotage! I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or not, but I do know that those living with addiction in others can develop their own ways of coping with the impact of that addiction on them, with addictive tendencies themselves. I'm not suggesting you have an addiction, but perhaps your tendency to binge is a coping mechanism, which, despite not feeling very good, is serving a purpose. As already suggested by others, perhaps exploring other outlets for your stress might be helpful?
living with addiction is a complex and painful world for everybody involved.

look after yourself

[quote="coffeetime"]Thank you Bobshouse,

Sorry, that wasn't the full story, hubby is also an alcoholic and hates to see the doctor because he always suggests that hubby should stop drinking - which he refuses to do. It's not always pleasant here and sometimes when when his pain is bad I don't help him, I keep well away from the shouting and accusations and then feel guilty. I know it's not personal, he doesn't remember anything about it the next day. When he is (occasionally) sober he is a different person.

Strange, I can talk about it here but very rarely tell anyone outside the family!


HI coffeetime,
THis is the first time i used the 'quote ' button and i dont know what I'm doing. I just wanted to say please dont feel guilty when you have to walk away and cant help your husdand when he is in pain and is shouting and accusing you of things. Of course you have to be well away from that. I would do exactly the same thing as you. I just wanted you to know that. I too think that the binging maybe a coping/ comfort mechanism- you are a healthy weight, so maybe go easy on yourself and dont worry about it-it will sort itself out- i used to binge too but now i find I seem to not do it anymore because now that I only eat 1 meal on fast days and because of 16:8 on most other days I'm only eating 2 meals a day that I only settle for the best-so make that chocolate the finest and enjoy it without guilt.
You and your hubby are in my thoughts and prayers.
Xxx julianna

[wildmissus]

coffetime, I can't imagine what you are going through. My OH can be very very difficult at times (quite a lot of time) - in particular verbally belittling me. When things are difficult the usual thought is 'what's the point' and I turn to chocolate etc. I have helped myself with hypnotherapy and mediation but the forum is amazing. I've had a lot of nice things said to me by you guys and it makes me feel great. I remember a while back that @Ballerina PM'd me as she noticed I hadn't been around for a while, I was so touched by that. I am now much more able to stand up for myself and put myself first so that I can be there for everyone. I would have to say that I don't turn to chocolate so much now.

Goodness, this is a throat lumping thread, thank you Wildmissus for your kind comments but do you girls know what? we are all kind to each other "BECAUSE WE ARE WORTH IT" so don't forget that. We are all worthwhile and valuable and long may it be so, take care my friends and be kind to yourselves and your loved ones,

Ballerina x

Hi coffeetim hugs and support from me also
Don't give up on outside support keep trying
An oldie i know but goodie '' you only hurt the ones you love ''
I do so hope your hubby does still loves you underneath all the pain and massive problems he has, and all the backlash you end up receiving. However you are only human and the bingeing is just a crutch that most of us have and lean on at some time or another Love yourself because you so deserve to be loved and learn to live sometimes without your crutch (food) we've all done it I didn't get to 19 stones without the regular bingeing sessions and I know its mind over matter which I've never had before but my weightloss is my motivation therefore I'm learning to live without using my crutch quite so often I do treat myself almost daily but now my treats are small ones and I don't need to finish the whole bar of chocolate as I used to do in the past.
I don't have the difficulties that you have but I believe my bingeing + overeating has been far bigger than yours and you're so close to your goal an done a fantastic job so Well-Done and focus on that as much as possible.
As for this forum its a brilliant place to vent our feeling that we'd otherwise keep to ourselves carry on venting we don't mind because we all do it, tonight for instance I've vented on my OHs family petty in comparison to your problems
I call this the Daily Confessional its good to get thing off
Your/our chest
Best of Luck Sue x

You really are an angel, coffeetime.

I've been having the binging problem lately, after getting off to a good start with this WOE. I'm trying to get back in the good habits: only eating when hungry, not snacking, keeping healthy food around. I'm feeling down for entirely different reasons, and I'm finding that in addition to those things, I'm having to plan activities to keep me busy so I don't eat when I'm feeling sorry for myself. Things like tidying and gardening, and I've just downloaded the November book club book on my iPhone kindle app. I've done a bit of shopping, too, since most of my clothes don't fit now.

Everyone has said it much better than I ever could so ditto to all the comments. I send my hugs and love to you. We are all lucky to have this forum full of wonderful people for support. Please take care of yourself
(Sorry if my username is a bit inappropriate on this topic, my real name is Christine).

Well done for taking steps to look after yourself. I would love to give you lots of advice having been with an abusive husband. I love to watch Dr Phil now. He would say why should you accept behaviour from those who are supposed to care most about you when you wouldn't accept it from strangers. Chronic health doesn't mean they have to be abusive. Did he lock you out? You know you need help. Keep looking for it. You got the weight sorted you can do the relationship too. There is book called 'Women Who Love Too Much'. Try reading that. It might help develop some techniques. I'm glad you have found support at the forum. You must be amazing to still be strong enough to reach out.

Hi coffeetime, I think you are amazing to lose so much weight, while receiving hostility instead of support.
I just wanted to add my hugs too

coffeetime, you have my utmost admiration for coping so brilliantly in a very difficult situation when you must be treading on eggshells a lot of the time.
As others have said, we are all here to support you but it does sound as if you need more practical help when the need arises. Now you have confided in us online is there no close friend or relative you could also talk to so that you could at least share your problems and know there's someone who understands? Also please do consider looking into professional help.
Sending you enormous hugs and positive vibes.

Didn't have the time to read all the thread yet (will do properly on a tablet at lunch) but may I suggest what was suggested to me, to put every worries in a bubble/balloon and throw them away ? We should do a big cession to get rid of all the troubles we all have, it would be liberating

About the bingeing now, I don't do that but I tend to be more attracted by (or to ?) comfort food these days and I suspect it's because of the sad weather as well as the worries. During the fast days you are "in control" and maybe that's why it's easy for you to keep with it. Maybe you should have rules for your other days, to not be "free" andn have a kind of control. It could be reassuring for you and halp to not seek comfort in chocolate

And don't hesitate to rant here, that's what I did this week and it really helped a lot

Coffeetime, as at least one other poster has already said, I still binge sometimes, in my case after 14 months on 5:2, without having your reason to. The old habits are hard to break, but if we can contain our weight by keeping up the fast days, then we're doing OK and maybe that's as close to perfection as we need to be. I hope you find the support you deserve. You're doing fantastically well.

Love to you, kl