The FastDay Forum

So sorry to hear of your loss and hope the last days you were able to spend together will sustain you at this very sad time. Love and hugs.

So sorry for your loss, Debbie but really happy for you that her last days was in a kind of peace

[janeg]

so soory for your loss Debbie. Wishing you peace and happy memories

Thanks again all. Our last days together were wonderful as she didn't let the cancer get her down. Her sense of humor was often evident and we know she was at peace. We all felt truly blessed to be with her and support her and each other through this journey.

Take care all.

I'm glad you had the time together debbiejgb. Its a sad time for you, but you will have good memories to on with.

Good news today on my mom. She went to the oncologist who used to see her for checkups, since she has had breast cancer (about 25 years ago) and non-Hodgkins lymphoma (about a decade ago) and a small melanoma on her scalp.

He thinks it's another incidence of lymphoma, and that the drug which worked so well before will work again. He says she just has "lumpy breasts". Glad I didn't inherit that! He's going to do another, "deeper" biopsy - but hopefully that will just confirm his suspicions and there won't be surgery.

Thanks for asking, @Ballerina

Also, so sorry to hear about your mom, Debbie.

That is good news Wendyjane. I have always had VERY lumpy breasts and had a few cysts over the years but nothing worse than that, unlike my poor sister, so I keep my fingers crossed. And Debbie, yes, it is awful to lose your mum, it doesn't matter how old either of you are, it is still a sadness that lives with you forever.

Ballerina x

Hello, friends. Hasn't been anyone in here since 2013 (I think part of the function of this room has been taken over by the chatterbox thread - which is just fine). I'm in need of some respite, so I've brushed the dust off a chair and plopped down.

Tomorrow I go to see my mom again. She has just moved to an assisted living apartment in the same continuing care complex she's been at since 2002. I need to find a way to empty out her 4 room apartment, which still has most of her stuff of course, since the new place is just one room. This will be difficult and depressing. The dining room furniture ("mid-century teak") has been in my life since about 1962. It's part of my earliest memories. Yet the used furniture buyer who looked at it didn't want it because the cane on the chairs would need replacing (cats!) and that would be too expensive.

I feel ambivalent about seeing my mom. We have never had the sort of very close relationship that @Ballerina, for example, clearly had with her mom. BTW, many thanks, Ballerina, for your ongoing support on this thread and elsewhere. But she also wasn't the terrible parent that, sadly, some forum members had. So I definitely have some guilt about seeing the whole business as a chore.

I also haven't dealt with her breast cancer diagnosis. It's a low level cancer, and the choices include "simple" mastectomy, hormone blockers, and "do nothing". No way am I having her go through the first as an Alzheimers sufferer, and the third choice should be just that - a choice - not a default.

Well, I could go on - I have other carer concerns also - but what I should really do is get back on the phone and make more arrangements. Thanks for listening!

Hi @Wendyjane this is always a difficult topic and when you are faced with dismantling a parents life, and your own memories of their possessions, it can be very traumatic. The sad thing is that these things have to be done by someone and it always seems the most natural thing in the world for adult children to do it. I'm sorry to hear about the ongoing problems with your mum and hope that it can all be sorted out quickly and as pain free as possible both in terms of physical for her and emotional for you.

Lots of hugs, good wishes and love on its way to you from me,

Ballerina x

Just want to echo Ballerina's sentiments @wendyjane.You certainly have some difficult decisions to make on behalf of your mother.Do you have siblings who can share the burden with you? Can't offer any practical help but just wanted to let you know you'll be in my thoughts and I wish you all the best in dealing with this painful situation.x

My brother and his wife just got back from a trip to Bali and Vietnam. Of all places. He can't take more time off work right now. I'm the one without a (paying) job, and to be honest, I don't mind doing this trip on my own. I'll video chat with him about what to sell/give away/keep.

[janeg]

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you too.

Hi @wendyjane! Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you also.

I know it is not easy! I spent the last week in March with 2 of my sibs clearing out mom's house. Sister finished the job yesterday! I didn't think my mom had much stuff, but still... I have made a resolution to start clearing out my stuff - NOW!

Take Care!

I know that 5:2 is the greatest "diet" on earth, but I've found something that works even better! Yep, you heard right.

Just go stay in a place (my mother's assisted living building for example) where the food is practically inedible, and you have to get in the car and drive a few miles to get anything else. Then stay so busy that you don't have time to drive anywhere, and voila!

Dinner tonight - for $12 as mom's guest - was a very small piece of very salty baked flounder, three tiny potato pancakes that were more oil than potato, red cabbage (probably out of a can and decent), and asparagus. Did you know it's possible to boil asparagus for 4 hours? Me neither, but I'm pretty sure that's what they did. I had the cheesecake in an attempt to not feel like I was starving by bedtime, but it didn't work, because it's bedtime and I feel like I'm starving... Between the lunch and dinner (skipped the breakfast, at least), I couldn't have eaten more than 600 calories.

Unfortunately it is not a fast day, and furthermore I'm not trying to lose weight.
There are some nuts in my suitcase, so now I'll go try to eat some and not scarf down the whole bag.

PS. No complaints from Mom, so that's good at least. Her standards have gone down along with her memory.

Oh dear, just think how wonderful real food will be when you finally get some and you will have a little bit of extra wiggle room, how good is that?

Ballerina x