The FastDay Forum

Hi @Manderley, I hope the appointment went well and the news was not as bad as you both expected. I think we all wear the mask from time to time and I'm sure it sometimes slips a little.
Stay strong, big hugs and fingers crossed for you.

Hi everyone, I would just like to thank you all for your concern and kind words. Sorry I haven't been back here for a couple of days, I've sort of regretted writing all that stuff although it made me feel better at the time.

My husband had a fall when he went to buy his booze and an ambulance was called, but he was OK. He is very frail, so thin and bony because he doesn't eat and his legs hardly hold him up now. He refused once again to go to the hospital so I had to take him to see the doctor who told him the usual stuff about the alcohol and what it is doing to him, but hubby won't remember a word of it. I mentioned his forgetfulness and confusion and that he can't cope with the pain, also that I wasn't coping very well either. He (the doctor) asked me to make an appointment for a chat about it so perhaps I might get some help.

He said something about hubby going into a care home if the confusion gets worse but that's something I will have to think about. I'm not sure what happens about finances in that situation - if the house has to be sold to pay for his care when it is in our joint names? If I would be able to afford to stay here as I just get half a pension? If not then would I be able to sell the house without hubby agreeing? Questions, questions running through my mind when it might not happen at all!

Thinking about all that stuff and not his welfare is making me feel guilty.

[Betsysgr8]

@Coffeetime, Write down all your questions and concerns regarding his care, finances, and all the other little and big concerns, be prepared for your "chat" appointment. Take the list with you, you may not get everything addressed but it will help in the short-term and long-term. It's obvious that your hubby needs help (as do you! ) so hopefully help is near at hand. Maybe he stays where he is with additional help and maybe he goes somewhere else but the time is now for changes.

@coffetime, Betsy is right about taking a list of all these questions to your dr. He is probably very experienced in referring patients to whatever help and information sources are available in your community.

Yes, now is the time for change

[janeg]

coffeetime, the list is a good idea - it can also help to clarify your own thoughts and concerns. You should also be referred to social work/social services to assist with assessments etc. The Citizen's Advice Bureau are also very good with free, impartial accurate advice about benefits, payments etc.
Good for your GP in picking it up and well done you for telling them.

Please send prayers/positive vibes out to my mom. She has had a third return of her breast cancer - and it has spread throughout it seems. I will be heading up to stay with her for a while. (Thank goodness, work is flexible and I can telecommute from 900 miles away! I.e., I will have my computer with me and will be able to check in with y'all!)

Best wishes to all!

Hugs to @debbiejgb.

Plus coping vibes to @coffeetime, you need to get in touch with CAB or some other helping organisation to find out where you stand financially and personally.
I already know where I stand if hubby should die, we already have plans in place should the worst happens, one part of it was to find a house I could afford to rent, which is this one. The rest involves me knowing his bank account details so I can strip the money out immediately, as benefits etc when a death occurs it is a slow drawn out business leaving many widows destitute for weeks.
But plan now, get the help now, so you are prepared.

Lots of positive thoughts and hugs coffeetime and debbiejgb

My partner had his appointment and his illness his evolving. It's a little bit complicated to translate, he's losing his central vision, the direct vision. It doesn't touch, however, his peripheral vision. There's nothing to do, no cure, no nothing. Just wait. Only in 5 or 6 years they will be able to operate and switch the problem (for him to lose his peripheral vision and keep the direct one). Lucky him, his "young" (55).

I don't know how to help him, how to be strong without being a pain. I don't know how to explain him, even with my "young" age (39), I am here to stay not because I pity him but because I love him. He tries, from time to time, to push me away and I can't stand it.

Please, don't be shocked by what I'll just reveal but, when I was 19 I lived a big love story with a 56 years old man. It was beautiful and strong (strong enough for him to call me 15 years later and the feelings were as strong as when we met) but he pushed me away because he thought I was too young to through my life away. His words not mine. I don't want that to happen this time, to have somebody who decides what's good for me.

In need of your happy thoughts.....

I just have my dad on the phone who told me my mum is at the emergency room for some exams. Last night she had nightmares, today she doesn't feel good so they went to our GP who told them to go to the emergency room because it could be serious.

It sounds silly to me, how can nightmares can be signs of a serious illness ?

For now, there's nothing else to do but wait....

Starting to really worry as, since the last call 3 hours ago, I have zero news. How come it takes so long at the emergency room ? And what can it be as she was fine yesterday (I saw her at lunchtime) and the only symptoms are nightmares and headache ? I did a websearch to try to find out more (I know, very bad idea) but the only thing is that it can be one of the very first sign of Alzeihmer and it doesn't run in the family plus she only had nightmares last night not the nights before so I can they diagnose something this early and what kind of tests can they do ?

It's driving me nuts, I hate not knowing !

[Betsysgr8]

@Manderley, Sending you hugs and prayers and crossed fingers.

Is your mum on any medications? Maybe she is reacting to something she's been prescribed? Hope you hear some news soon.

Lots and lots of pain tonight, cuddling hubby and crying on him. I couldn't take my tabs earlier as I couldn't raise my hand to my mouth, hubby had to feed me my painkillers and lift the glass to my mouth for me. Migraine type headache because of the pain and tension in my neck and shoulders. Tonight, I am officially a mess.

Lots of people in the CCRR needing hugs now

@Julieathome I sure hope you are feeling better! At least your hubs is being supportive now (it seems).

@Manderley, keep us posted on your mum. And as far as your partner is concerned, I am very surprised that medicine is able, in a few years, to "reverse" his macular degeneration - so he can see well at the center of his vision but poorly on the periphery. I didn't know that was possible. I know a fair amount about eye diseases... but that's for another post. I hope you are able to give him comfort - and that he will accept it from you!

And @debbiejgb, I'm sending vibes your way, but need some for my mom too, who just had a biopsy of a lump in her breast and will get the results Monday. She is a survivor of breast cancer (when she was my age) and non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and a melanoma! Plus she has Alzheimer's now. Tough lady, I think, but her luck may be running out.

@Julieathome, @Manderley, @debbiejgb and @wendyjane, thinking of you all and sending more hugs.

I know that's easy to say but it's all I can do, I can never read through the posts on this thread without tears streaming down my face. Carers also need to be cared for, I think that the stress and worry we have to bare is as bad for us as the pain and suffering our loved ones are going through.

OMG. You have all just put my life into perspective. You are such Wonderful people.

I'm sending you all the biggest hug I have.

Please keep using this thread and we will give you as much vertual support as we can.

Lesley