The FastDay Forum

Hugs to you manderley and hugs to your other half. Going blind to me is the scariest disability imaginable. Does he or has he attended the National College for the Blind here in Hereford? I know you are in France, but if they don't have anything similar out there, coming back to the UK for it may be the way to go. They do all sorts of programs to help the newly blind train for independent life. Lots of things like using other senses or guide dogs for getting around, organising the home to make moving around easier. Plus they do re-training in occupations that blind people find easier to do.

If you ever come to Hereford for the blind college I would love a meet up.

It's a bit complicated because we only talked about it at the beginning of our relationship, he wanted me to know what I was signing for. Now I know he has a bit appointment about that on tuesday and he is a lot worried about it. One of the main difficulties is that he is an architect, so his eyes are very important in his work and he loves extreme sports like 9 hours walk in high mountain and 4 km swims so how would he deal with all that ?

Also he has some kind of trouble to trust a woman so he still think, in a way, I will abandon him when it will become difficult, which I understand because his relationships with women in the past have been..... tense

I will talk about Hereford with him, gently, of course. Who knows ? And it would be great to have a meet up , for sure. Next year will be my 20 th birthday in England, when I lived in Tunbridge Wells and I would love to go back for this annyversary

Hey @Julieathome hope you are feeling a bit better today, and it's so you that you are still thinking of other people and still giving support and advice on a thread that started with you feeling very low. All good wishes to you for the next few weeks, we'll be thinking of you as 12th Dec approaches.

@Manderley I'm sure you OH knows by now that you will be sticking by him, by now. It would be great to come over the England next year - if you do, make sure you let us know in advance, so that we can organise something! By that time @Suchard007 will be in her big new house in Whitstable, and there are lots of others in the area including @angie090465 - about time we had a big get together anyway!

Heres the link to the college.
http://www.rncb.ac.uk/

This is not a nice thing to talk about so if anyone is eating please look away.

My OH has started vomiting. Oh joy!

I know that not many people look forward to their nearest and dearest vomiting into a bucket but to me it means a short respite from this hell that I live through each day. I hope it isn't a short tummy upset where everything will be back to 'normal' by morning, I'm hoping and needing a full scale purge.

I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a hard-hearted bitch. A couple of days of quiet with no screaming and shouting, not being told over and over again that I'm stupid, that he hates me, that everyone hates me. No quickly switching off the computer each time I hear him approach because I'm on that **** thing again and he is going to put a hammer through it. No accusing me of stealing his money. No cups of tea and plates of food thrown across the room, no shouting and swearing over and over again day and night.
No shouting at all! Bliss!

I know that after a couple of days he will be drinking again and it will gradually build up until it's unbearable but this short break from it all now and then is what I need for my sanity. I'll be able to sleep at night.

Thanks for listening. X

Coffeetime, get out sweetheart, please. No one should put up with that kind of abuse, he obviously doesn't love you or he would try and curb his drinking.

I'll say the same thing, short and simple:

@Coffeetime you deserve a better life. You need to muster all the resolve that is in you - that you've shown on the 5:2 - and LEAVE. I know it's easy for us to say, infinitely harder to do, but ultimately this will get you out of the hell.

coffeetime, please please get out. I know first hand how this kind of abuse can destroy you and you deserve much better. He will never change and you need to save yourself. It's easier said than done but you have the strength necessary to do it.

Thanks Julie, for the link, I'll talk about it to my partner, just wait until after his appointment tomorrow, though....

Silverdarling, he doesn't know, no. Why ? Complicated story but to sum up, his mum, ex wife and ex partner all betrayed him and he doesn't trust women. So, for him, sure I am here right now but who knows if I will be here when it will become difficult ? He won't take my word for it, I will have to prove it. He is like a wild animal that I need to tame. No big deal, really, I sign for it.

I will do whatever I can to come in England next year. I still miss it really much 20 years later. It was such a big thing in my life at the time that I learned to drive there, I even have an English driving license ! It was the first year there was a theory , test if I remember correctly

Just wanted to say that I've been blown away by some of the stories I'm reading on this thread and the courage and resilience so many of you show. I've had my own share of the brown stuff in my life but nothing to compare to some people's experiences (I realise it's not a competition and my brown stuff is still my brown stuff and decidedly smelly. I may be taking this metaphor too far!). I know one keeps going because one must, but that doesn't take away from the grimness and I salute you who endure and still smile.

I have elderly ailing parents living in India. I live in London but I'm an only child and feel a huge sense of responsibility for my parents. This is why I go to India for a couple of months at a time and sometimes have to drop everything and make unscheduled visits in response to medical emergencies. I seem to spend a lot of time trying to remote-manage the situation the rest of the year! As they get older and more frail I have some tough decisions looming but I'm a firm believer in the saying, The Universe Will Provide, and am waiting patiently for answers to the difficult questions I'm facing.

Onwards and downwards, eh? And in the meantime, there's always the fabulous Weekend Laughs thread ( @julieathome, where DO you get them from?!)

I just have to agree with everyone that coffeetime must get out of her terrible situation. Of course its easy for us to give advice but, coffeetime, even if you have to live alone in a not so wonderful little flat of your own, how can it not be better than the hell you are going through ??

Please get some help - people do care and will help you.

Good luck

@coffeetime I agree with the others who are urging you to leave this dangerous situation. He is out of control and can't be trusted not to seriously injure you in both body and mind.

Yes, shachat, I, too, am deeply affected by the stories here. I've been through a few patches of hell in my life, but they are in the past now. I feel so admiring of those you who are persevering in these seeming unending situations.

Whhey Hey! I forced myself to go to the gym today, with my eldest as a gym buddy. The instructor couldn't help me today as they had a member of staff off sick, so he couldn't sit with me and try to work out how not to cause my neck any problems. But he did say that the stationary bike would be safe and to have a go. 20 minutes later my legs were like jelly, my butt hurt and my thighs knew they had been worked. The endorphin rush was magical, it really perked me up. Even if all I can do is the stationary bike for now I'm going again.

Whhey Hey! I forced myself to go to the gym today, with my eldest as a gym buddy. The instructor couldn't help me today as they had a member of staff off sick, so he couldn't sit with me and try to work out how not to cause my neck any problems. But he did say that the stationary bike would be safe and to have a go. 20 minutes later my legs were like jelly, my butt hurt and my thighs knew they had been worked. The endorphin rush was magical, it really perked me up. Even if all I can do is the stationary bike for now I'm going again.

The stationary bike is more than I'm doing these days, and is actually a great form of exercise. Good for you!
(There are some missing smilies in the collection - how about fireworks? Bunch of balloons?)

It's a bit of a tough day today. My partner has a very important medical appointment about his illness and is freaking out. Me too, of course. We talked about it early in our relationship but how do you deal with it ? How can I help and support him without him thinking it's a kind of pity ? How can I make him truly believe I will be there, even when the time will come ?

On the other hand it's a bit difficult with my dad as well. Autumn is always difficult and complicated as it's the time of year. He is difficult to live with. The product they put in his veins at the time to keep him in the induced coma still has some side effect, 10 years later. He is fairly tired and looks like he's drunk, which he's not. He fights for everything and, as I am a strong woman, it's usually difficult for me to let go as he really says stupid things at times, so you can imagine how it can be loud at the house.....

I don't know if you can relate with that but I learned to put a "everything is fine" mask oh so well.....