The FastDay Forum

So sorry to hear you have been treated so badly. Everyone else has given wonderful advice. Please don't give him a chance to suck you in to his mind-games again. He sounds like a Darth-Vader boyfriend, as http://captainawkward.com/category/dart ... boyfriend/ puts it.

Please don't imagine that it is good for you to keep a relationship going with a man who threatens and abuses you.

How's it going at work D?
D'you feel it helps take your mind of things? X

Hey all. I've got an update. I let him come see me this weekend and he booked a posh hotel and a meal out and....we argued. Because I was close to home I left and I've basically cut all ties.

Last night we spoke and he was begging me to give him another chance and I was crying and he was and we've both said we're still completely in love with each other, I just can't be with him. I think I feel worse than I did last week. I'm completely drained emotionally.

His mum rang me crying saying she'll get him help but I've just said no and blocked his number. I'm so lonely he was genuinely the man I thought id marry and we'd have kids and id be with for the rest of my life.

Hi Danielle,

I'm sorry that you are still to-ing and fro-ing, and for the pain which you feel. This really doesn't sound like a healthy loving relationship. I know that you are in pain, but it will get better. Please focus on building yourself up, so that there will be no chance of tolerating mistreatment from a future partner. Take care of yourself; there will be better things in future.....and congratulations for being strong, despite the pain.

[carieoates]

I am a firm believer that every cloud has a silver lining.
You've turned that corner, now be strong and make yourself the only person that matters. Take a deep deep breath, hold your head night and walk with determination.
You can do this.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I feel like I've got no one to talk to. I was on the bus into work and I just burst into tears. I feel so pathetic, I know people have got bigger problems but I'm devastated, I really am. I'm at that age where I want to settle down and I just feel so empty and lost. I've spoken to him everyday for years.

I'm rambling, sorry.

[Debs]

Hey there,
DOn't compare yourself to other people, you are th eperson you should be worrying about right now. I get the impression that deep down, you know that you are doing the right thing even if you do love eachother. It is odd that his mum rang you, it would appear that she knows that he has some sort of problem that he needs to deal with, maybe around anger management. Give yourself time to grieve as it is like a death and you need time to get over it. If you are strong enough you do need to think about cutting all ties. I note that it is you that goes to him every weekend,so you have been doing all the running. I have been in your shoes a long time ago, and feel for you, but be strong

Ramble as much as you like D..you aren't alone,there is always someone here on the forum to listen x
This is a very difficult time to get through- sometimes an ex is someone you feel you can't live with,can't live without.
Give yrself time to grieve about this - one day you'll look back and realise you've moved on,you can live without him,and you' ll be happier for it
Believe me,its happened to me and many people on here,more than once in my case,and we've survived and become stronger .xx
your GP may be able to refer you fior counselling if you feel it might help you get thru this x

Hi @Danielle21711 Ramble, cry, talk, chat all you want and need to ( laughing is also allowed)
We're all here for you anytime and you will get through today then take it one day at a time don't make any rash decisions but I think you're already getting the idea into your head that you'll be better of without him because Life is a very long time and you need to find the right man who treats you with respect for what is likely to be 50yrs!!!
Sue

So sorry to hear you are still in pain over your relationship Danielle but just take it one day at a time and it WILL get easier. As Debs says, if his mum called you she must be aware that he has problems and has treated you badly so you know you are doing the right thing in moving on. stay strong chick! xx

Hi Danielle,

I am so very sorry to hear you are going through this, its tough, its horrible and no matter what people say to you, however kind they are being, you are the one suffering... I am going through a crossroad in my life too and still I don't know which way to go... so all I would say is, take time for you, to gather your thoughts, go somewhere where you can think without any distractions... support is equally important, and I this forum has been the best for me.. if you want need someone to talk to then pm me, i'll be happy to listen do whatever is RIGHT FOR YOU hun, sending you a big hug and take care and I know in time, you'll be ok again xxxx

We are all rooting for you and thinking of you, D.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much pain right now. It must feel like a part of you has been cut off.....because he has been around for such a long time.....and is therefore a habit.

It takes time to break habits....but it does sound like this one needs breaking. You are grieving the loss of a habit, plus grieving perhaps for lost hopes & dreams - but you will come through it and you will recover. Plenty of people will tell you this.

Have you compiled a pro's & con's list yet? When we are in an emotional state, it is difficult to see things rationally.....but an honest analysis of your relationship will tell you loads. The big question you need to ask yourself is:-

"On balance, how good was X for me?"

How kind was he, how thoughtful was he, how loving was he.....and so on? How closely did he match your idea of your ideal man?

If you find that in reality, you were putting up with a relationship that was less than ideal......then you will see that the pain you are feeling is the pain of a loss of habit.....and habit is a comfortable place.....but not necessarily a good place.

Life is a gift & you really deserve to be happy. Right now is like a bereavement, so try not to expect too much from yourself. Give yourself proper time to reflect and above all, be really kind to yourself - as we would be to you if we knew you in person. Get support from your girlfriends - hugs are vital.

I am sending you a huge hug, Danielle. As you can see, there are plenty of lovely people on here who want to help, so keep in touch as much as possible. Make a hot drink, wrap a lovely blanket around yourself, snuggle up on the sofa & keep posting. You are not alone.

Take care sweetie xxx

Take good care of yourself today, Danielle. Most of us have been through this kind of thing and can tell you that staying away from him will pay off in the future. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to a professional counselor as has been suggested--they have no axes to grind and can help you to see clearly.

We're pulling for you--don't stop coming here for support

Thank you all so much. It's nice to know I have you lot here to talk to! I do worry that I'm getting boring moaning on about it! But yeah I feel like a piece of me has gone.

I'm pretty pissed off as I looked at my work email and I have 6 emails from him asking if I've blocked his number....which I have. It's just so inappropriate to send them, in my work it's really frowned upon using our emails for social purposes so I know it will be picked up on. Even more frustrating as I've already asked him before not to send to that address. I rang him and had a go at him and I half believe that's why he did it!