The FastDay Forum

Big hugs and stay strong D x we are here for you xx

More emotional blackmail @Danielle21711 I'm afraid that's all it is pull away my darling now!! Sue

Sue's right D x he is coming over as very selfish unfortunately and rather wrapped up in himself x

Hi @danielle21711

Stay strong for your own peace of mind and the best way to do this is to cut all communication.

If he keeps emailing, just delete them - do not even read them. Do not contact him directly to stop as he wants to keep open some form of communication with you and that's why he might try different angles to get some sort of reaction.

You can always let your line manager know at work if you are getting nuisance emails from him and your iT administrator should be able to bloack any correspondence from his email address by using your company's spam filter.

I am sure lots of us on here can understand where you are coming from and have gone through the heartache relationships can bring with them so.....

Learn to love yourself - you are a wonderful person who deserves respect, love and support and you really need to believe that - sending you big hugs

Agree with Sue and Candice. Presumably he knows the email rules at your job, but his needs come first. He seems to care a lot about his own feelings--other people's--not so much.

A lifetime of this kind of treatment would be hell--people rarely change

Stay strong, Danielle

Hey all, isn't it funny when I'm in serious need of support I turn here??

Basically long story short, last night I broke up with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and talked about marrying and having kids with he's a very negative and very critical of me and last night I'd just had enough. I'd travelled an hour on the train to see him and when I got there he started laying into me, so literally 20 mins after arriving I was back on the train to go home.

He rang me about 45 times and messaged me but I just ignored him and I felt fine, just went to bed early coz I was drained. I woke up at 4.30am after a nightmare that I stabbed him (!!!!!!) and just totally broke down. I can't cope I'm not okay and wishing I could reverse the last 12 hours. Normally if I had a nightmare I'd ring him and he'd reassure me or whatever and now I've lost all of that I'm so lonely already and totally heartbroken

OMG you wrote this on the 1st.

Actually the 1st was very bad day for me so you were in good company but for rather diff reasons.

Am I the only male here?

I do hope you 're feeling better now. It really doesn't sound like he was treating you very nicely.

I know how grotty these things can be....... I do sympathise....

Danielle one day this will all be in the past but for the moment you are having a rotten time. It must be so difficult in your line of work where there is no hiding. Just keep believing in your own worth and get as much comfort from your family and friends as you can. Wishing you well.

@Danielle21711, darling you HAVE to cut the lines of communication. He is just exploiting them, and it could escalate into a threatening situation. You can bounce his emails without even opening them - here is a link with instructions:

http://m.wikihow.com/Bounce-Emails

Or get your work to do it for you. Or just google "how to bounce emails". He is not respecting your boundaries, and this may worsen. You have to learn to protect yourself! If this escalates, and you were in Australia, I would advise you to get an intervention order against him. I don't know what the equivalent is in Britain. But darling, really, this is becoming unsafe! Please act to cut all communication with him before things get worse. please!

Thanks everyone. And @david f. yes I think you're the only bloke!

Well I spoke to him last night as he's found out that if he rings off a blocked number it bypasses the iPhones blocked list. I basically asked him to give me a week to clear my head and stuff, to which he finally accepted after much argument and assuring him that I'm not looking for anyone else.

I'm finding it hard. I went to bed at 8pm because I was drained and miserable. I got home from work and he'd sent me a bunch of red roses. I've never been given flowers before and it made me so so upset. I don't know what to do with myself. Suppose I'll just keep coming back Anna ranting here so I don't get tempted to talk to him.

Very hard times, Danielle. Heart break is the worst! You think you'll never get over it. I remember it well, but as a distant memory today. Just hang in there, girl. This too will pass. One day at a time. Your inner strength is there to sustain you.

Of course it is!!! Any contact from you is what he wants! Please don't give it to him.
I want to write and write and write about everything you must and must not do but this is not the place and I don't want to lecture or nag you lol.
I have been in a few abusive relationships in the past..every relationship I ever had actually including one who tried to stab me and then later run me and his children over. He would phone me constantly and threaten to kill me if I didn't leave town etc etc. I had to get an injunction in the end to keep him away from me.
Five years ago the man that I considered the love of my life dumped me. Out of the blue and I am only just getting over it. But I am very proud to say I didn't beg him to come back. I didn't call him or make an ass of myself. I deleted all means of contacting him and grieved.
Obviously your ex isn't like me and thinks he has a right to carry on abusing/threatening you in an attempt to get you to come back.
I really feel for you and how awful you must be feeling.
But you will get over it and be pleased you have although it won't feel like it right now.
You are not alone although you may feel like you are..you have you! The only person you can trust and rely on. Yourself. You don't need anyone else to generate happiness, that's not their function in life, you need just you to be happy about being you.
Please, please, please, cut all contact with him. Don't answer his calls or read emails otherwise you are sending him mixed messages and giving him hope and control over you. If you told him to give you a week you might want to think about contacting him one last time to say that you have decided not to wait the week and that it ends now. No more contact. It is over. Then ignore him.
Everything everyone else has said is perfectly right. When you feel down and alone re read all the comments, they will keep you company and remind you to be strong. Print them out and carry them with you!! Lol.
One of my councilors once told me a relationship should enhance your life not define it. A relationship is icing on a cake not the cake itself. I wish someone had told me that when I was a teenager and I didn't have to wait until I was over 50 to hear it!!!
Rant and rave here. Write down how you feel when there's no one you feel you can talk to. Cry whenever and wherever you want. It's not pathetic it's necessary. I remember crying in sainsburys a lot, pushing my trolley and trying to see where I was going through the tears! Stopping in the quiet aisles to try and pull myself together!
I still cry in my car! You think no one can see you and if the music is loud no one can hear you!!
Take care of yourself. xxx

Absolutely agree with your post drilakila - well said! Hope you're hanging in there Danielle - he does sound like he's trying to wear you down a bit; that must be hard.

Dear Danielle,

I can't help feeling that those roses are more a tool of control than a symbol of love. So he is emailing you at work, and finding out ways to bypass his calls being blocked?

Others have, rightly, said that he considers no-ones feelings but his own. I would suggest that he wishes to control his environment to an extent that is prompting people on this forum to read the situation as escalating, and unsafe.

Please do not engage with him other than to say "I do not want to talk to you any more. I want you out of my life." You do not need to justify yourself, or mollify him. The fact that you want out is sufficient grounds to be out.