The FastDay Forum

Heartbreak is never easy and hurts like h-l, but eventually it all goes to the back of your memory room. Everyone here have said it so well and I just can add - be grateful you had the strength and courage to take this step now instead of "waking up" after two kids and a house . If he calls or text again, just ignore him cause he does simply not sound like he deserves you. Hugs from Sweden!!

Thank you all so much again. I went and treated myself to a Microsoft tablet out of my "moving out" fund (as in to move in with him). I'm wracked with guilt at the same time as being very happy with my purchase!

Still really down and dreading work tomorrow, the way I am going one little thing will set me off.

I wish I'd read your messages earlier, especially @wolfie's. I logged into my (monitored) work email and saw two very very nasty messages from him sent in the earlier hours of sat morning, basically threatening to ruin my career. I was going to ring and play hell but my mum said to ignore it but keep the emails. I've stupidly put them to the back of my mind and when he rang tonight I answered. I almost started coming around again, it was just so nice to hear his voice.

I don't know what to do. I doubt he'll never change but I miss him so much and I really do love him? Ugh...now I've set myself off again!!

Oh D the more you tell us,the more it sounds like a lucky escape for you
I know it doesnt really feel like that yet for you and your emotions will be all over the place..but can you honestly say you could be happy longterm with a man who threatens you?
Better to be unhappy in the short term than make a big permanent mistake
Sending big hugs and hoping work will go ok ..are you a teacher? ..sometimes the usual routine helps us deal with emotional pain
See how it goes and if its too difficult right now,make an appt with yr gp and get some time off x x

If you've told him its over Danielle then maybe don't encourage him by replying to him on the phone or email. Nothing good can come of it. I can't believe he threatened you. Thats not love .That's a step too far. What would you tell your best friend if that happened to her? From what youve told us instead of seeing a man with strength of character i see a man who threatens a woman.I'm worried for your safety. Please be careful. Thinking of you.
Xxx

P.s. why feel guilty. Its your money. I think buying the tablet is the best idea. Now you can surf the web, chat to us for company from the comfort of your bed like I am right now.
Xx

I just want to second everything said here, Danielle! Get your girlfriends and your family to surround you with love! And cry when you need to! Great advice from CandiceMarie - if you think you're going to cry in front of your students, go to your local doctor & get some time off - and spend it pampering yourself - the ipad is just a start! I am very experienced with relationship breakups, mine and others, and I reckon it will be best if you don't communicate with him in anyway for at least 2 weeks - if there are practical issues to sort out, you can do it later. DO NOT LET him suck you back in, so glad you also heard the abuse and he showed his true colours in your phone call - and if you ever feel yourself wavering, just read the emails!!

Danielle, there seems nothing more right than forgiving all those little hurts when you are right in the middle of it, but listen to all the wonderful advice you are getting here. Long ago, I was in a similar relationship, but I didn't know what real love & respect was. I finally broke it off for good, it was a very scary time, I finally had to have him arrested after he threatened me with a knife. At the time, I felt like a complete loser. A year later, I met my husband of 29 years & I thank the universe daily that I didn't let my damaged sense of self put me back in a bad situation. Looking back in time, you will realize you made the right decision. Stay strong, you're right & you have the right to be happy. Don't worry about your job either, he's just trying to scare you. Stay safe with your family & friends. Best of luck.

[Tracieknits]

You've gotten some amazing advice here.

Stay strong - you deserve better!!! You don't deserve threats, negativity or harassment. You deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity and love. He obviously has no intention of giving you that.

You will never find anyone better until you believe you deserve it. Keep that door shut and stay strong sweetie! Come here if you're feeling weak.

Hi @danielle21711

Didn't come online over weekend so only just read this post - firstly I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear you are heartbroken and really feel for you so sending you a hug

Secondly, give yourself time to get over him - I know you don't think it at the moment but you will get over him.

As others have already said, stay strong as you derserve to be treated better. Later on, you will meet someone who will adore, love, support and encourage you in all things life throws and you will look back at this one and be thankful that you moved on from him

And thirdly, go and have a fun evening out with a girlfriend/s - it always helps at a time like this.

I echo, danielle, what the others have said with the addition of my own life story. My late husband was demanding and critical--I had to waste a lot of energy defending myself against his sometimes cruel words. I had to adjust my life to his schedule and fight against his antiquated notions of child-rearing.

My OH now is completely different--he likes me the way I am and encourages me in my every endeavor, even if it inconveniences him--we are true equal partners. This type of relationship is incredibly liberating. Don't settle for second best.

It's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship--especially one in which you are made to feel inadequate.

Much love to you--stick to your guns, it will get better.

Hi,
You've had so much good advice on here - all I would say is that people who truly love you don't make you feel bad or send you nasty emails. I completely agree with Marybeth's comments above - don't settle for second best. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Hi @Danielle21711 Hope your first day back at work went OK for you that's all you can ask for at this moment just OK you'll pull through this a better person but you do need to let go right now bbecause he has treated you badly and if you get sucked back into what HE wants then he's the winner and you once again on the losing side because when it comes down to it a leopard never changes its spots and things could go from bad to very bad but only for you.
All good advice from everyone you do deserve better deffo and the right man is still out there waiting for you to
catch his eye.
Enjoy your new toy you deserve that at least and answer me one question/ can so many be so wrong???
No way can ull the lovely members half of which have been through exactly the same situation as you and come through it probably a happier person for it.
stay away please Danielle Sue

Hi Danielle, the question you need to ask yourself is will he change from the behaviours you described. You owe it to yourself to be free from that sort of humiliating behaviour, nobody has the right to constantly put someone down all the time, you deserve better than that.
14 years ago I left my wife as she was violent and aggressive, she used to kick or punch me when she really lost her temper, but all the time there was a sort of low level aggression in the house. I would never do anything violent back towards her as I was brought up that a man never hits a woman, and I'm just not aggressive anyway, so the only option was to leave her.
Of course she rang with the usual promises of she would change and everything would be different, but I knew she would never change, once people are like that it's ingrained in them. So although I was desperately lonely, even though the relationship was dysfunctional, I just tried to keep myself busy, see good friends regularly and treat myself to a few things that I'd wanted for ages, like you with your iPad.
Don't be tempted to go back because you're lonely, it will get better trust me.

Aw thank you all so much, and thank you for sharing your stories.

I know I deserve to be treated right and I know he's not at the minute...I asked him yesterday afternoon for time to clear my head and he got annoyed and basically said there's no point, as to which I replied saying that was okay. I then heard from him later with him crying down the phone (which I ignored). Unfortunately I had a huge argument with my parents (combination of being knackered and being really down), and went to stay with my nana for the evening. I stupidly answered when he rang and he cheered me up but I still have the niggling doubt that he won't change. I go down and see him every weekend and stay but I already know that I don't want to do that this weekend, if he gets angry or whatever when I tell him then I know it's not right. Ugh I feel so weak when it comes to him! We've been together for ages and for almost 2 years ive spoken to him every day and he's been there for me, I suppose it's natural that I turned to him for support-when deep down I think it might have been a bad idea.

If this is the beginning 2 years in your relationship and you are already feel threatened and being given to hard a time, when you cement the relationship and live together it will change and you will be more straight with each other. If you decide to have children that is even more stress and more challenges and compromises. This generally is the honeymoon period and the very easy part of relationship times with minimal responsibilities. Not that I mean it goes downhill but it just gets more complicated and you are not as footloose and fancy free.

So it is much better to be starting out on a even keel and in and equal partnership and you do have to be able to stand up for yourself and be respected by your partner for that grit. You are going to need it in life. Love to me means apologies happen from both sides, compromise happens from both partners and no threats. If he has anger issues now he needs to see to them if your relationship is ever going to have a fighting chance.

Enjoy the iPad they are great little gadgets, money well spent I say