The FastDay Forum

The last time I was supposed to eat a proper raclette was the Sunday my dad went to the hospital so, it may be silly, I know that, but it had a kind of special meaning to me.... I had 8 slices of raclette cheese in 2 days, I guess it's even less that what I would usually have and it was so satisfying and filling....

Let's face it, I live in a country where cheese is king plus my Godmother is Swiss, another cheese country, how could I not eat those yummy dishes ? My big treat, when I go grocery shopping, is buying a big cut of the cheese that take my fancy for the month. Last time it was a strong mature cheddar, not the orange kind you find in slices and which has no taste. 400g for one month, it is reasonable, right ?

After so long, my taste is still changing. When I was a beginner, I could eat store bought dry soup, I can't any more. I couldn't explain why, if it's too salty or if it just doesn't taste anything. Isn't it ironic to find something with so much salt in it tastes so bland ? My soups now, 3 times a week, are all home made, except the Chinese ones but that's for now, I know I will find a solution to make them one day or another The only thing that bothers me is that it can be a bit tricky to find new ideas for soup. I make a lot of cauliflower, courgettes, spinach, peas, carrots, pumpkin ones. I would love to make a kind of tomatoes/mozzarella one but my stomach can't stand them. I also did a kind of lentils/cauliflower curry by accident and it was awesome but you can imagine that 7 kind a soups, for 3 soups a week, the turnover is pretty quick..... and it can become a bit boring which is a big danger for me.

Also, I tried, for fun, the "mug cakes" preparation you can find now in the stores. It's something you put in the mug, add milk and maybe an egg, put it in the microwave for a few minutes and you have a "cake". It was awful. Really. I couldn't eat more that 2 bites and had to throw it in the bin. Wayyyyyyy too sweet and I do love sweet things.

The good thing, one of the best thing in fact, is that I am passionate about cooking now. I find it exciting and I love tasting some new ideas and perfecting recipes. I never really processed food because I don't like the taste, but I use to do some pretty simple dishes, now I love to experiment. That, in itself, is a big improvement.

So, the plans I made for Christmas day have changed. After the disastrous tea yesterday afternoon with my mother, and disastrous is not even a strong enough word to explain how it went, I won't go have lunch with her on Christmas day. I will go to visit her but NOT have lunch with her or I think it could be the end of my sanity.... Don't worry, it's okay, I made my peace with it.

Anyway, I have to make new plans so, I decided to make a prawn and fish soup and I am looking for a kind of dip recipe with sun dried tomatoes and mascarpone. I already have a nice dessert, so that question is mute.

I am so excited about Monday's fast. I slow cooked a pork shoulder during the night and it was so tender, juicy, amazing and it costs nothing. And I mean, really nothing. I have 800 g of meat for 4€ (around £3) so enough leftovers for 6 to 7 meals..... The other good news is that I will cook Monday's soup in the yummy cooking juices of the meat which is incredibly flavourful, that's what's getting me so excited. Oh and I will try a Brussels sprouts soup and cheese recipe I found https://www.homemadebyyou.co.uk/recipes/soups/brussels-sprout-and-cheddar-soup

With the usual Monday fast I will do a kind of fast on Tuesday and we'll see about Saturday. "Kind of" because there will be a big dinner, that's why I want to fast until then. I also decided to watch my alcohol intake. No more that 2 half glasses a day, which is a lot already. The parties have begun and I already spend the day with a headache and sleeping barely 4 hours the night after.... I don't want to begin next year with a huge hangover...

I am back after a crazy weekend. I fasted Saturday and did 22 180 steps that same day and 15 000 steps yesterday. The reason is, we finished emptying my parents house and it was a huge task. Today, my body aches but I am quite surprised to have been able to do that much that quickly.

I have a new freezer, well, I hope it works anyway, I will plug it in this afternoon, and I was wondering how to organize it. You see, I had a small one until now so I only had some basic things but now I think I will cook things in batches and freeze the leftovers for later. I will buy plenty of frozen vegs (plain, not cooked at all), fruits and some basic fishes and meat (like chicken legs) but I wonder what else I can buy.

I also have a big indoor grilled and I was wondering if I could cook 5 chicken breasts at once and freeze the ones I don't need to use later. I will freeze the meat anyway but it could short cut the cooking process and that meat could be use in a salad or omelette after a quick stay in the microwave. What do you think ?

Hi, @Manderley, a better new year to you for 2016. A capacious freezer is a wonderful thing but regarding the cooking of chicken breasts, you will need to be careful. My understanding is that it is fine to cook and freeze chicken but that once it has been thoroughly thawed (overnight in a refrigerator), it should by reheated to a high enough temperature to kill any bacteria that may have developed during the cooling process. Your idea of just thawing it and then using it in a salad would therefore present a health risk. I hope this helps.

A lot going on here. There has been no fast last week and there will be none this week at all. I am quite stressed out, so I don't eat a lot, when I remember to eat and I lost weight which is not necessary as I am already on the verge of being in the underweight category. I have no idea how many calories I eat during the day but, after 2 black coffees in the morning, I don't eat before 2:00PM, and it will be a bit of ham, cheese, a slice of bread and 1 clementine. After that, nothing before 8:00PM with usually a salad with some surimi or something like that and nothing else. It's not the most healthy way of eating but, at least, I eat something.....

About what happened, well, there was my parents' house I finished emptying, the lost of my childhood/teenage years/adult hero, a bit of a health scare on my part and, tomorrow there will be my dad's succession that we have to sign. Oh and I broke my cellphone glass yesterday, just to spice things up a bit.....

So, no plan for this week. Just listening to awesome music until my ears come off and sing along until my neighbour goes mad and remember....

"Nina: My feet shall long to go to the place where you you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.
Jamie: Do you want me to leave?
Nina: No, never, never, never, never, never!"

It's funny how a few days can change a lot of things....
The succession is signed, it was something I worried about a lot and, in fact, it triggered something. Something good. I feel free. I still can't eat properly though but that's another story all together. Because, you see, for some time now I have someone who, when we didn't even really know each other took my hand and said "don't worry I won't let go". And he didn't. Even with my crazy mood swings and the feeling of loss. I am going back to the living, learning to laugh, live and love like a proper human being, without feeling so overwhelmed with guilt.

About the food now. Falling in love make me fast naturally. I simply forget to eat altogether. So I have a plan as I can't lose any more weight. I will go on a kind of 16/8 for now, with 2 small meals. If I take today as an example, I ate a bit at breakfast, couldn't eat anything at lunch and hope to not forget to eat at dinner..... My goal is to not lose weight so I may go for fish (I love trout) and lean meat.
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I'm very pleased that you are in a happier place, @Manderley, and have found someone to support you through such difficult times. Stay strong!

I am in a much happier place, yes, even if I still miss my dad like crazy and if there are pictures of him everywhere in my apartment. It's still a roller coaster when it comes to emotions however I have a huge smile on my face a lot more than I use to have. And I am lucky enough to have someone who understand grief and who let me cry when I need to, talk about it when I need to and who doesn't treat me like someone broken. Do you know how people usually react when you are grieving ? They avoid you, they pity you, they don't understand how come you don't "get over" your grief quicker. Finding someone who is just here, listens to your endless stories and just take your hand and hold it tight, basically, is a treasure...

I am still learning how my body reacts to emotions. Before I lost weight, when I couldn't eat for a reason or another, mostly because of stress, I used to gain weight anyway. People around me were shocked to see how little I ate, they were sure that I was binging on sweets or charcuterie or pasta or anything unhealthy. It was not the case. Something just clicked when I began fasting and now, in stressful situations or when I don't eat for a reason or another, I lose weight.

I don't know if it's because my body is used to it now but I don't feel hungry any more which can be an issue. I will easily forget to eat. That also means that I don't know when I am full and, as I don't want to go overboard and eat too much, I will eat small portions. That may be a big part of the "not keeping weight" issue. I try not to over think it, right now I am just keeping an eye on things from afar, I weight myself about once a week but that's about it.

I am wondering if we can ever have the "right" body in the eyes of everybody. When I was overweight, I was criticized, judged, I even remember a member of my family, who wasn't a small frame herself, telling me how I was so unhealthy and, basically ugly. Now I am criticized for being too skinny. And what is said behind my back now can be as hurtful as then. No wonder there are so many people struggling with bulimia or anorexia, ot simply body confidence. How many times was I asked if I had surgery ? Or if I took drugs ? Because, of course, the only reason you will lose weight in the long run it's because you're waisted out of your mind most of the day..... They just forget one thing I changed my diet completely 3 years ago, it didn't come in a day. Now I am building muscles and the excess skin is slowly going away but it's because of 3 hours dance EVERY DAY, of course that will build strength and muscles. It takes time, effort and no, IF is not for the lazy and it's definitely not a short cut. I still don't like my body (never have. A too white skin, too big boobs, just to name a few) and I probably never will. However, I accept now that someone else loves it and find it beautiful which is a big step and I don't hide it as much as I did with clothes too big.

I don't want the perfect body, there's no such thing as a perfect body anyway. I see myself beautiful in the eyes of the one person who sees it without anything to hide its flaws and it's pretty much all I can wish for.....


Side note : Have decided to try to write what I eat (as I tend to forget to eat these days), just to KNOW I ate something

So today it will be poached egg with a baked potato and broccoli with a bit of Roquefort on top (just because) and a Clementine/banana salad

It may be the only meal of the day, taken around 03:00PM. I am not hungry for dinner and when I am not hungry you couldn't put anything in my stomach so I prefer not to insist

No dinner last night. I was exhausted and fell asleep around 08:00PM to wake up just after midnight until nearly 03:00AM I always had some insomnia but these days it's crazy.

Today it's a casserole/stew of lentils, onions and some smoked sausage https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morteau_sausage. Traditionally there should have been some carrots but I forgot them so I did without.

I am in a full 70s mood these days. Musically with, of course, David Bowie (71-74 era) but the Pixies and the Ramones as well and I am wearing a beautiful deep brown leather jacket that was to my dad. It's a treasure I found when I was emptying the house. It's too big for me now but I don't care, it's a beautiful vintage jacket and with the big high heels boots and the large pants, it's perfect. So funny thing is, I hate the 70s, I have nightmares about the awful clothes I wore at the time and I don't like the music of that time as well. You have to be under influence to listen to stuff like Pink Floyd's "Umma Gumma", for example.

There may be a time when I will visit the boobs topic or is it necessary to have them downsized or not. Right now they are way too big for my frame. It's ridiculous, really, I wonder how I stay my 2 feet on the ground and not fall over sometimes.... The thing is, I have a big issue with anesthesia. The 2 last times I had to have surgery (for my ankle and my knee), I nearly didn't wake up. Both times. I have a kind of allergy of all kind of anaesthesia So I don't know what I'll do. Right now my back aches pretty badly at times but does it deserve to take a risk ? We'll see in the next few weeks, I think

After a few days of testing, the one meal a day plan seems to work pretty well. I don't feel tired, I don't worry for meal plans and I actually enjoy the meal as it's not taken as a chore or a "must do". The portions are smaller than they were before but it may be because I eat slowly so a small plate will take me around 20 minutes .

Yesterday something pretty funny happened. We were walking down the street and I saw someone starring at me and it was a woman I went to school with. She was the big star of the school, popular with all the boys wanting to go out with and she was a kind of a mean girl queen at the time. The last time we saw each other, I was 35 kg heavier, lost and struggling with my body image. Imagine her shock when she saw a woman way lighter wearing high heels boots, a skirt that stops just above the knee, a well fitted top an awesome vintage leather jacket, confident, walking hand in hand with a 27year old man.... She had the shock of her life, it seems ! She asked me if the man was a relative - because, of course you hold hand with a relative that age when you are my age - and let me tell you that the kiss we shared in front of her was clear enough for her to not ask any more questions I know it's pitiful but it's the kind of victory that is a real boost. Maybe because I felt so out of place for 20 something years before that. Let me be clear, if she didn't do her usual mean girl thing, I wouldn't have acted that way (with the kissing and gloating) but I hate when people are sarcastic, mean spirited or just believe that there is a cheap trick instead of hard work..

Last night we had some courgettes soup with beef carpaccio and today it's quinoa/bulgur/spinach/fish stir fry.

Last year to the day, my dad went to the hospitalized for what should have been a simple chest infection. He would not get out of there alive. I won't dwell on it, I am okay, I promise you, I just can't help but remember everything. It's all fixed in my memory, hour by hour. I am lucky, though, I did work on my grief and, if it's still painful, I accepted it, and I have the most amazing people around me. You, beautiful people, of course, the most lovely and sexy English man I know and my nanny (and the woman who is caring for her) who is an awesome old lady I love dearly and who has been here for me. For all of these reasons, I don't want to be sad. Is that selfish ? I don't think my dad would want me to be miserable. He's part of my life, even now. I just go on with my life like he would want me to do.

I am going back to my 2 days a week fasts. My weight is in a healthy range, I eat regularly, and it helps me focus. I just have no idea yet when those days will be, it's a day by day decision. I hate planning meals, always have. When I do grocery shopping I know I need that much meat, that much vegs, etc, so I don't buy things I don't need and I do have a list but I won't plan my meals, I just do with what I have. I may have to think that again, though because I won't be living on my own for long.....


Oh and we have decided to try to get pregnant. I know I know, we are a "young" couple however I am 42 next month so I have no idea if I can even get pregnant and, if I can, it could take a while before it works...... I doubt I will get pregnant next month !

How things change in a few months..... Last year was full of death and despair, this year seems to be full of life and hope

Wow, @Manderley! That really is a life-changing decision that you have made there! Fingers crossed for a happy outcome and it's lovely to hear you feeling so upbeat after the terrible time you had last year! XX

As my lovely Englishman told me "When it's right, you know. Why wait ?" And, when I think of it, he's right. When it's right, you know. My parents married 3 months after they met, everybody told them they were crazy and they were married for 50 years, nearly 51, and the only ones in my family who didn't separated or divorced.

He knows I may not get pregnant but trying is fun anyway
I read that, for a first child, it's more difficult to get pregnant and to go to term.
We'll see

Wishing you all the very best Manderley for you and your Beau xx
How life can change just in a heartbeat..you deserve all the happiness in the world so take this opportunity and embrace it ..my fingers are crossed like Stowys for a very happy outcome xx