Here I am trying once more to go back to the way life were before the chaos that has been 2015 until now even if things are far from less complicated than a few weeks ago.
Today is my second fast since my dad passed away and so far it’s going quite well. No hunger pangs, no cravings, no urge. Just a coffee at lunch with a splash of milk and water. I don’t know how much I weight, I guess I am about the same weight as before, maybe 2 or 3 kilos “heavier” but that’s about it which is lucky as I didn’t look at what I ate at all even though it’s not the food that I ate that could have make me put on the weight but more the alcohol that I drank for a while. D
Don’t worry, I didn’t drink enough to become an alcoholic, a bottle would last 2 weeks easily, but still, I had a glass or 2 about 3 times a week which is 3 times more than I usually drink and not only that, my other downfall could have been the crisps and other junk I ate while I had that drink. Gosh they are evil evil stuff when you’re down you just want to stuff your face in them !!! It made me realize that I am not such a sweet tooth anymore but more attracted with salty cheesy stuff.
About the alcohol, I slowed things down a bit, I will have one at Sunday lunch and another one during the week and that’s about it. I guess it helped me to find sleep as I regularly have sleepless night.
I hope that fasting again will help me to have a sense of control in the big chaos surrounding me. I need to find a job fast and another place to live as I can’t live here with 3 cats and a dog. I can’t leave him alone which will become an issue and if I can’t find another place to live I will have to abandon my dog which would break my heart in pieces as he’s the last living reminder of my dad. So how do I begin ? How to find a job and to have something else to focus on all day that the house to empty and the sensation to be alone ? How to gain a bit of hope that things will change for the best ?
I am sorry as that my first intention was to make an hopeful post but I guess that it’s more difficult than I was expected. Two things are really great, though, I can fast again, even if it’s not as “natural” as it was before and I had the desire to come back here, to all the friends that supported me through all that terrible time. Thank you so so so much for that. I felt so alone that it helped me a great deal to have you reading what I was going through day by day.
Now it’s time to live again. It doesn’t mean the grieving process is done, I still have to work on that and accept that I lost both my parents at the same time, even if my mother is, technically, still alive, but it’s time to build something, a new life for me, Happy, and my furry girls. Next step, find a job and a new home. And make my dad proud…..
So here’s to new beginnings. I am starting fresh 2 years nearly to the day after my very first fast
Today is my second fast since my dad passed away and so far it’s going quite well. No hunger pangs, no cravings, no urge. Just a coffee at lunch with a splash of milk and water. I don’t know how much I weight, I guess I am about the same weight as before, maybe 2 or 3 kilos “heavier” but that’s about it which is lucky as I didn’t look at what I ate at all even though it’s not the food that I ate that could have make me put on the weight but more the alcohol that I drank for a while. D
Don’t worry, I didn’t drink enough to become an alcoholic, a bottle would last 2 weeks easily, but still, I had a glass or 2 about 3 times a week which is 3 times more than I usually drink and not only that, my other downfall could have been the crisps and other junk I ate while I had that drink. Gosh they are evil evil stuff when you’re down you just want to stuff your face in them !!! It made me realize that I am not such a sweet tooth anymore but more attracted with salty cheesy stuff.
About the alcohol, I slowed things down a bit, I will have one at Sunday lunch and another one during the week and that’s about it. I guess it helped me to find sleep as I regularly have sleepless night.
I hope that fasting again will help me to have a sense of control in the big chaos surrounding me. I need to find a job fast and another place to live as I can’t live here with 3 cats and a dog. I can’t leave him alone which will become an issue and if I can’t find another place to live I will have to abandon my dog which would break my heart in pieces as he’s the last living reminder of my dad. So how do I begin ? How to find a job and to have something else to focus on all day that the house to empty and the sensation to be alone ? How to gain a bit of hope that things will change for the best ?
I am sorry as that my first intention was to make an hopeful post but I guess that it’s more difficult than I was expected. Two things are really great, though, I can fast again, even if it’s not as “natural” as it was before and I had the desire to come back here, to all the friends that supported me through all that terrible time. Thank you so so so much for that. I felt so alone that it helped me a great deal to have you reading what I was going through day by day.
Now it’s time to live again. It doesn’t mean the grieving process is done, I still have to work on that and accept that I lost both my parents at the same time, even if my mother is, technically, still alive, but it’s time to build something, a new life for me, Happy, and my furry girls. Next step, find a job and a new home. And make my dad proud…..
So here’s to new beginnings. I am starting fresh 2 years nearly to the day after my very first fast
