The FastDay Forum

And there's nothing I can add either, except virtual hugs and support xx

Hi manderley x i hope the suggestions and the concern & care from our members here help you deal with what youre facing right now
I think@redrobins five point plan is really useful...take a few deep calming breaths and then maybe take RRs plan as yr template to refer to and work thru..also like @Sassy1 said, use respite for Mum if its available where you are..it is invaluable if you can get it.. dig yr heels in and be very firm that you need it

Its frustrating for us here to know youre having a rough time right now and not be able to practically help,but always remember we are here to listen and support you emotionally x

[janeg]

big hug

Very sorry to hear about your parents' illnesses but you must put yourself first or you will make yourself ill. Hope your OH is supporting you if only emotionally at this difficult time. Thinking of you and hoping you find a workable solution. x

@Manderley - my heart goes out to you - as others have said, and @Tracieknits analogy says so well though, it is paramount that you look after yourself, even if this means making arrangements for your mother which aren't perhaps what she would choose for herself. We have had to care for various family members over the years and the easiest patients have been those who accept what has to be. Sadly not everyone is the same.

Sending big virtual hugs

You poor poor love. You are going through something that I think we all dread.
A lot of excellemt advice has been given & I don't feel that I can really add anything more useful, but for sure one of the biggest things is to look after yourself & NOT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT.
@tracieknits put it particularly well when she said:

You know how in airplane safety videos they tell you to put your own oxygen mask before helping others? That's because if you become sick or incapacitated, you can't help anyone at all.

REMEMBER THAT
xxxxxxx

Sorry to hear about the situation. Nothing really new to say, except that having had to care for my disabled adult son, I can empathize. And to say that, hard as it is to think of yourself, that's exactly what you have to do. My mom passed away in 2002 after being on kidney dialysis for 22+ years; my poor dad was worn out and I'm sure would have died himself had it gone on much longer. As is, he's been doing good at age 87. Hope your dad makes it through this crisis and that you are able to find appropriate care for your mom.

Adding my love and hugs. Awful situation. First step: get help from social services. France surely has good support available. Reach out! There are organisations - probably government, designed to help. xxxx

[Debs]

Everyone has given great advice and I can't add anything except to say that my heart goes out to you and I hope you can find some relief soon.

And hugs from me too.

Thank you all so much for your support, you don't know what it means to me

I am crying because of frustration and despair. I don't know what to do anymore. There's no room anywhere for my mother, she's not seen as an urgent case and I am still stuck with her. She's getting nasty and it won't end well.

On the other hand, I sneaked out a few minutes to see my dad and he's calmer today, breathe quickly but a little less quickly but I couldn't stay long enough to see a nurse or the doctor to learn what's going on as I had to rush back here.

I won't be able to cope for long. I lost another kilo today because I don't eat at all. My GP will come for a visit tonight but he doesn't have any solution either. I could send her to the ER but there's no guarantee they will keep her. I don't know what to do, I feel trapped.


Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being here even if it's from far away

[Tracieknits]

I am so sorry! My mother gets nasty too, but I don't have to live with her.

Have you asked them what would make her more of a priority?

Hello Manderley
I'm so sorry to hear your news, I'm with you too Manderley. It's all breaking down at home with my Mum and Dad too. A journey.
Please can we move this thread to the carers tent so we can have a joined up conversation and provide our support and advice to each other.
@LaydanTrying how are you too? Sorry, I have been absent, that happens at times like this.
Tough times but the carers tent is a good place to be I think.
Love Lizbean x
Err, link to LaydanTrying does not work

@lizbean Liz,its coz youve added a 'y' ..Layan instead of @LadanTrying
Ladan,see Liz's message above xx

Thinking of you @manderley..you might have to get very assertive to get the help you need..
We have a saying in England," the creaking gate gets fixed" ...so,make yrself heard..be very firm as to the needs of your Mum and you x AND please try to eat a little to keep yr strength up x