The FastDay Forum

[Tracieknits]

Oh my! I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I'm glad your mom is being taken care of. I hope your furbabies take care of you and help you relax and destress a bit. Don't worry about the cats - they'll learn to live with it. And what an adorable name for your dog!!

I hope your dad's news is all good.

*hugs*

The situation that you describe with your mother wanting to go "home" to her parents sounds so much like my poor mum who used to tell my dad for hours and hours that they had to go home to look after the baby (me, about 50 at the time), and this was when she was still living at home with him. So tragic, but it made us feel we were going crazy at the time, and what could we do? I hope things continue to go well in terms of taking the burden off your shoulders, and that things are good for your dad. Get some rest and take care.

So sorry you have to go through this situation......thinking of you, take care.

Maggie xx

Dear Manderley, so sorry for you anguish, we are all rooting for you that a solution and help can be found for you.
Take care

I am numb. I learned this morning that my dad is dying. He has metastases everywhere, they say they can't do anything for him and they will move him in a palliative care. Where do I go from here ? How do I deal with it, with my mother who is losing her head and with the next phase ? How do I deal with the house, the dog, the money ? How will he be buried ?

I have no clue.

Thank you all for your support, I am so sorry to share that with you I know it's not the place. I think I will go away for a while, I don't know yet.

Oh @Manderley, my heart breaks for you. You have been struggling with the care of your parents for so long. And now to hear that it is your father, your rock through this , is the one in the most immediate peril. I don't know what to say except to hope you get the support you need from your partner as you enter this dark phase of your life. I look after patients like your father. This is a hard, hard time for families and no easy way through it. Please look after yourself as best you can and come back here often to vent , scream , whatever you need, but only if it helps you. Wish I had more useful advice. Please take care of yourself. You do tend to waste away to a shadow when times get tough.

[carorees]

I'm so sorry to hear this @Manderley. I echo what judithn says...do come here and let your feelings out, it is absolutely OK and it can help to tell strangers how you feel.

As to how will you deal with things, just do one thing at a time as it needs to be done. There is a lot of information to guide you through what needs doing (well there is in the UK and I am sure it must be the same in France). The hospital/care home will be able to help with a lot in terms of helping you find out what needs doing and when. Also it is likely that there are guidance leaflets available online from the various official bodies. Is there the equivalent of the UK Citizen's Advice Bureau in France?

Sending hugs

{{{+}}}
My heart goes out to you.
Please eat properly to stay strong.
{{{+}}}

So very sorry, Manderley @Manderley Please do come back here for venting and support, if it helps. We are here for you.

@Manderley
So sorry to hear your news.
Take a deep breath and try to deal with one thing at a time, not everything at once.
If possible ask your father what he would like to happen, and try and get as much outside support as is available.
Feel free to rant here as much as you like, we don't know enough about French systems to be of much practical use , but we can listen.
Take care

Dear @Manderley sending you the biggest hugs , you might not think you are strong enough to get through this but you are and you will surprise yourself and make your dad proud ...

If he is moving to palliative care I am guessing it might be like a UK Hospice .. they are wonderful places and they will help you as much as they will help him, my mum was in one and they really looked after my sister and myself, they often have counsellors attached to them who will help you with the practical things like burial.
Are your parents religious ? If so reach out to the church they will also help you in what to do if you want to have a religious burial when the time comes.

Sorry to be very practical but while your dad is coherent you need to try and find out if they have made a will if they have it will be very helpful to you, also you need to look into how to take control of their finances if you haven't already done so , especially if your mum is not in her right mind ( so sorry there is no polite way to say that ) in the UK is it called Power of Attorney, your bank or their bank may be able to help you with that and it will make the money side of things a bit easier.

I wish I knew more about France and could offer more practical advice ...in the UK it can be very complicated when someone dies with the Finance/Legal side so I am really hoping France is less complex for you.

Both of your parents are now where they need to be , and although it is a shock to find out about your father please do take care of yourself , remember to eat and sleep and vent here it will give you the strength you need to get through.

So sorry to hear of your distressing news Manderley and sending you love, courage and strength to get through the next very difficult weeks.

So very sorry to hear the news about your dad, Manderley.

What a hard time you are having. I think that unlike some of us you don't eat well when you are stressed. Make sure you are taking good care of yourself - you need to be strong to do the best for your parents.

So sorry to hear the latest news, but please don't feel that you shouldn't share your feelings here. This is a great place to do that, with no fear of judgement. And there is already lots of helpful advice in all the comments.
Take care of yourself.
<hugs>