The FastDay Forum

Sooooooo... I am not used to ask for advice about relationships. I am more of an independant woman who deals with everything by herself. Only now I am a bit confused and I really need some advice.

I am in a relationship. Everything is fine, well more than that really. He, sometimes, drives me absolutly crazy, we both have a very strong character (he is leo, I am aries) but we are stronger everyday, I truly believe it.

These last few weeks we both been through a lot. He lost his step dad and, the same day, I lost a memeber of my family, he has some problems in his work (he is an architect and finding contracts is more difficult these days) but we are here for each other whatever happens.

So what's the advice I need ? At nearly 40 I am in love for only the second time. The first time I said to a man "I love you" his answer was he didn't know what he felt about me, just that we were great together. I understood, this very day, that for a man to hear from a woman "I love you" was a really scary thing, that it meant that we tried to put them in a cage or something like that so know I am very careful with that.

I want to tell him I love him, I nearly did it tuesday. Only I don't want to say it because I want something back, I don't want a "me too" or whatever, I just want to say it because I feel it. I know I maybe overthinking it but I also know that it's an important step. For me it is anyway because I don't usually express my feelings.

The other thing is that he really suffered because of his ex and I am not sure he will believe me as his ex told him she loved him the day she left him....

How to know if it's the right time to say it ? How to say it without implying "I want something from you ?"

Dmaned I really overthinking it.....

wow what a question not sure I can answer it all I would like to say is actions speak louder than words although words are important I find people use those 3 little words too easily.how long have you been with him some people need to hear those 3 words others don't its a thing you find out the longer you are with your partner sorry not much help and good luck

I cant believe anyone would ever thing the words I love you would automatically make someone ask "what do you want"

If you love him tell him, I bet at a time like this those little words would mean so much to him.

I know that acions speak louder than words but sometimes it's good to call a cat a cat "does that expression exist in English ?). He knows that I don't use that words easily, I had a real difficult time to give him names like "sweetie" and I may be affectionate in my actions, but much more shy in my words... In fact I don't need to hear them I need to say them. And I am not even sure I want to know what he feels, yet.

We have been together for 6 months now.

daisykitten, I can assure you, some men, when they hear "I love you" suspect that you want something... and they run as fast as they can...

I think when you love someone the words come easily - at least thats what I found. When my husband and I first got together I think we both knew from the very start we would end up together forever and the words just came easy for us both.

I guess it all depends on what kind of person you are (so you say you dont use those words easily) so he is going to know you genuinely mean them and you're not just after something from him.

If you feel it - say it. Don't leave important things unsaid. What do we know of tomorrow?
I wish you best of luck and lot's of love on the road ahead

Say it.

Mean it.

If he runs because of that, pray that he runs far away.

Good luck.

The thing is he was badly wounded by his ex. In fact all the women in his life are kind of cold. He just told me about a discussion he had with his mum who really seems to be a piece of work.... He said that a woman can say "I love you" and leave the day after.

So this is my plan :

I will whisper these words in his ear and put my hand in his mouth to shut him up because, really, it's a selfish act, I want to say it, I want him to hear it but I want him to just listen. Not say "me too" or worse "thank you"....

DomDom, you are a man, so please answer this

As a man do you prefer when you say it first ordo you like if it's your partner who makes the first move ?

I agree with the others, just say it, you have been together long enough to be in love with each other and if his not in love with you yet then do you really want to wait around another 6 months or more to see if he may fall in love. The time feels right for you so go ahead and like Domdom said if he runs make sure he runs far away

Say it with a cuddle and a smile

you know what ? What we learn when we grow up is stupid......

I mean, can you imagine that I was taught that a woman can't say it first because it's a "man job" ? That's one of the reason why I am so freaked out...

And I am so sorry to look so dumb, I guess being in love does make you say or do stupid things, even when we are adults. I truly was hoping that silly phase would be over after my teenage years...

Manderley: I expect that my partner is honest with me in all situations. So I don't prefer either alternative. I cannot come up with a situation where it would be a negative thing that the woman I have been with for six months tells me that she loves me.

To be honest, I think it is strange that it has not been expressed at this point. I am not a slut so before I have sex with a woman I will be able to tell her the words. But hey, that's me. I'm an odd one.

Manderley love does make you do crazy things when I met my husband I lived over 200 miles away from him, within 3 months I had given up a well paid job and moved over 200 miles to be with him come what may.

Nearly 3 years on we're married I have a fabulous job and we're happy - so those 3 little words can be the most wonderful you ever hear

Good luck!

I am not a slut as well but if I only had sex with men I was in love with I would have had sex only once..... I don't fall in love easily and, before knowing him, I stayed alone (and I mean alone) for more than 2 years. We met in october and we had sex in february, so there was no rush. It may surprise you but he is the first man ever I hold hand in the street with, I cuddle or kiss in public, we hold hand in the restaurant and look into each others eyes like two idiots while we wait for the food to arrive, we are here for each other for better or worse, and we already have some worse but I think that when you really suffered because of an ex partner, you are more shy with words.

To give you an example, when, at first, I told him that I missed him or that I was looking forward to see him, he got upset because it meant for him that I was suffering. It took time for him to understant thant it is normal to miss somebody you care about and it's a good thing. So, you see, it's not that simple with him... Until now we said we care for each other, we are important for each other, we need each other but not "the" words...