The FastDay Forum

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Very brave of you to share with us manderlay, thanks for your trust. Sounds like all went well. Alymoosh made reference to how people express love. I have, I hope attached the link to website and book that talks about different love languages. I always used to joke that my DHs idea of a romantic gesture is cleaning the garage, I know he loves me dearly but its always good to learn more and be able understand the messages.

"I love you, just as you are" - perfect!!

And his reply - worth more than a thousand words. Be happy in what sounds like a relationship that is making you both truly happy. x

Please Czroline, not "thank you", it would be terrible.....

It was very emotionnal without making a big deal out of it and without words.

Tdstephens60, you're right, I didn't think about it but his mother and his ex wife are two cold b**ches. You know in French we have 2 ways to talk to somebody. "Tu" and "Vous". "Tu" is used with people you know well, family, friends. "Vous" is used with people you don't know or people you know but you are not closed with like your boss for example. Or it's used in some kind of families where the children say "vous" to their parents since they were little. It's his case, he always said "vous" to his mother (because she wants him to, of course). He lost his dad when he was a teenager and the man who would become his step dad told him and when he told him his mother said "that's wonderfull !!!!" Who can imagine the hurt....Last week he had a "discussion" with his mum who just lost her second husband and wh is a rel piece of work and he told her "You never loved me and I don't love you, mum". It's a hard hard thing to say to one's mother, it broke my heart.

His ex wife was (is) cold and we have a name for how she acted, it's "castratrice" and, if google translation is right it'is something like "castrating". She never told him she loved him, never kiss or hold hand in public, told him things like he was an old pervert because he likes to have sex and spank and stuff like that and she doesn't anymore. You can imagine how sad it was when you live with someone you don't touch, don't kiss, don't make love to... He finally left her because it was enough, I suppose. And his ex (who was a mistress at the time) broke his heart. So yes, I think that the mothers and sisters and wives make a man as he is...

Thank you all for the support, you made me laugh, which was a relieve before taking the big exam

Ballerina, for the outfit, I am a basic woman and I don't have a lot of clothes of, even worse, shoes. But there was shirts, skirts and trousers everywhere after that and I was ready something like 3 hours before his train arrived

Minsmum I didn't read the novel you are talking about but I am sure it was a good laugh. It's nothing new though, "the story of o" told the same kind of story 60 years ago....

I truly apologize for the sleepess night everyone

juliewil10 It was easy to talk about it and to trust all of you enough to do it. I mean, talking about my weight and even go on a scale in front of my GP is wayyyyy more difficult and I learned to do it here. It's a strange thing, really, because I don't go on forums, I am only here and another one for cats lovers, totally different there are only women on this one and I truly believe it's a good thing to have advices from men as they are as complicated as we are and it gives us another perspective

Nice, Manderley. I do want to add that It would have perfectly ok to say it while doing it. You did well, though.

Oh Manderlay Thank-you for sharing your story You deserve good luck/wishes as your partner does, hope it all works out for you, you've probably cleared a path through so both of you can relax, enjoy and trust each other even more next time you meet
Happy spanking Sue

[carorees]

He is nearly 55, I am 39. He has 4 grown children, an ex wife with who he was for years, I only have 2 cats. I know that being with a man that age means that I won't be a mother

Reading this made me sad for you Manderley
You are not too old to have children and he is not either.

I have read all the posts with interest and I'm so glad it worked out well after all the agonising
All the best for your loving relationship.

[wildmissus]

So pleased it all went well and thank you for sharing your past with us. This forum really is a great place for help and support of any kind.

By the way, there have been many times that I have never been happier than with my 2 cats .

[carorees]

He is nearly 55, I am 39. He has 4 grown children, an ex wife with who he was for years, I only have 2 cats. I know that being with a man that age means that I won't be a mother

Reading this made me sad for you Manderley
You are not too old to have children and he is not either.

I have read all the posts with interest and I'm so glad it worked out well after all the agonising
All the best for your loving relationship.

No indeed, I was 39 when I had my son and I have a friend whose Dad was 65 when she was born. And another friend was born to a mother who had three children all after the age of 40. Definitely not too late, Manderlay!

I know it's not too late for me to have children but do you really think that a man who is 55, who has 4 children all grown up, one who is disabled, would want to do it all over again and be an "old" dad ? It's a choice than I made a long time ago, to not have children, I strongly believe that everybody is not made to be a parent. Really, there's nothing to be sad about. If we're still together in 10 years I will be a step grandma which is enough for me

DomDom, saying I love you while doing "it", even more when it's the first time you say it, is not the same. Everybody knows that, doing "it" makes you say stupid things sometimes, things you can regret after and that you don't have all your brain

I was plenty happy with my cats but a man is much much better for cold (or hot) nights

EDIT to say the "just as you are" reminds me of Bridget Jones, I didn't think about it yesterday, it just hits me

I'm so happy for you - and for him who has such a wonderful and considerate girlfriend.

Ahh, I feel all happy and weepy now . Thank you SO much for sharing all this with us, especially about your early traumatic life, that cannot have been easy to relive, but you have done so well, hooray!!!!! good luck for a happy future with your lovely man,

Ballerina x

I think the way you said it could not have been more perfect - 'just as you are'. So important to be loved just as we are. I'm sure that tight squeeze said more than any words could have. Like Caro, I felt quite emotional reading your story - sounds like you both have a lot of emotional baggage and I hope you are able to open up and share that with each other as you go forward. If you feel secure with each other you can help each other to heal.

Very pleased for you

Getting your needs met is important in a relationship so am glad you got to say what you needed to say

Thank you, all of you, really.

You know why I decided to talk about it ? Before meeting this man and before coming here and talking about some really tough and intimate things like the struggle it can be to lose weight and, more than that, feeling comfortable in our own skin, I didn't talk at all. I mean, of course I wasn't mute, just didn't "talk" about important things. He began to open me up and coming here finished the process.

There's always hope even when we struggle with tough things. I can take time, it can be as it'll never stop but there's a light, even a small one. I felt more naked saying "I love you" than when I am really naked but it opened things. Coming here gives me some inner strenght.

For the record, I just love the way he looks at me now, he seems 20 years younger

Glad it all went ok for you in the end