The FastDay Forum

Hmmm, I wonder if I am similar to this man. I am strong willed (so is my girlfriend), I am a leo (so is my girlfriend) and I have had my heart very broken by my ex wife (my girlfriend has never met my ex wife!)
My experiences definitely made me much more cautious and slower this time around. Like most men, I tend not to be as expressive about my feelings as I should be. We normally demonstrate our love by very practical things like cutting the grass, supplying food, fixing things etc. Please note that if he is doing these things, he is already hinting that he cares for you a lot.
If you are worried that his history might make him a bit afraid of the next steps, you might be best leading him with baby steps. Maybe hint at it with langauge that is fun and playful without the "I love you" statement and some of the weight of history that brings. Things like "I think you might be my favourite... but I'm not sure yet" etc. I think that this will make him want you to say it and when you don't, he might be a bit disappointed that you haven't. After a bit of this it will be much less of a big deal to confirm that he is your favourite and you're pretty sure you love him.
This might seem a bit much bother for lots of people, but if he has been hurt, he MAY defensive of any perceived changes. Alternatively, he may not be, and might just want you to tell him you love him!
Bon chance.

If you feel it then say it. Life is wayyyyy too short. If he doesn't like it then it is his issue and absolutely definitely not yours.

DomDom you really think only older men do that ? rhoooooooo

And who told you it is him who does the spanking

Carol, it's just a proof that love is not as simple as it seems...

Alymoosh He did something like that tuesday. He had a very busy week and the plan was for him to com in the afternoon ang take the train back to Paris early in the morning before he took another train for Caen. I live about 1h from Paris. The train he should have taken was canceled, the next train, which was one hour later was 40 minutes late. On the phone he told me "you know I really do this because it's you" which I found so cute... We had a great evening, a very short night as we had to get up at 5:30 but it was worth it for the both of us

He already made sure he is my favourite... My best friend is an ex, and he knows it and it makes sure that the ex is not more important than him. Says that he's not jealous but acts like a fool... I did gave him some hint in saying I miss him, I care for him, baby steps for him to not freak out... Which he did at the beginning....

Merci for the "Bonne chance"

[wildmissus]

Alymoosh, thank you for your post..........my husband cuts the grass and fixes things. although I provide the food while he pays the bills.......it's all good signs though. .

Manderlay, ok, agreed, not directly mentioning the ex and the mother but in some indirect way reminding him that you are you. From what you have said from the little things he does it sounds like he knows this and you have a good relationship. Perhaps Alymoosh is right , perhaps he is waiting for you to say those three words.

That's a horrible situation with your sister as well. Families can be so cruel to each other. I feel sad about my own situation but I've mostly come to terms with it now. My parents are missing out on their three grandchildren (my sister has a 6 year old son) but I can't do anything about that (I have tried).

Oh, my husband redeemed himself this afternoon, with actions not words. .

My sister is a fool and I made my peace whith it. I am sad for my parents because it's their daughter but for me, I really don't care if I don't hear from her for the rest of my life

So....... It's for today... I could wait for his birthday (in 22 days) but it would be too obvious. I hardly slept last night, it took me an hour to choose an outfit and I am as nervous as a virgin teenager

We're all waiting for the outcome with bated breath! Don't keep us waiting for too long!

Manderley I have read this thread and oh my..... Love,relationships, spanking! It's better than a certain chic lit novel, I am rooting for the heroine ( that's you).... Please please tell us the outcome.......

[Moogie]

Hope it all goes well for you my dear If I'm not too late to chime in with my thoughts, I'd suggest saying it relatively casually if you're concerned it may scare him. Just something like, "You know I love you, don't you?" in a relaxed or playful situation.

Don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight-the suspense is killing me........

Sleep? Sleep? Who can sleep whilst this drama is unfolding? This is more exciting than counting toads in France and I should know!

Good luck whatever you decide although I'd have a new handbag at the ready so that if he looks shocked you can always say that you were talking to the lovely new purchase, but you know what? You will not need any props, it will be wonderful so enjoy the moment and DO let us know how it went,,,,,,,I'm agog with anticipation !

Ballerina x

An hour to decide on an outfit. I love it.

ONLY an hour? Gosh, some folk are easily pleased!!

Ballerina x

hi manderley, who ever said life was easy? I have been married twice, once to an absolute b******d for twenty years and then was set up on a blind date and now we have been married for twenty years! We had both been hurt badly so we were very cautious to start with, I am an eternal optimist and he is a pessimist, he was always saying he would never marry gain, never trust again etc., he isn't one to show his feelings, his mother told him he was an 'accident' so he never felt truly wanted, he also does'nt tell me he loves me, BUT I know he does.
When you fall in love with someone it immediately gives them the power to hurt you. This is what is stopping you from telling him because you are fearing the outcome.
What do you want out of life? What is your goal at the end of the day? If you want a future with this man you are going to have to take a risk and tell him. You will be able to tell by his reaction if he feels the same.
I decided to persevere with my now hubby because I knew he was the one for me. You cannot give love if you have never been taught how to, I'm afraid it does go back to how his mother brought him up (yours and mine) because life is inextricably linked from birth to death, from one relationship to another and how we are affected by each one. I decided to teach him how to love someone, shit or bust basically!! Don't know if you have that expression in France!!
You say you are 40, life is SO short, if he does'nt feel the same it's time to move on and find someone who is worthy of your love.
Luckily my plan worked out!!
When I asked my emotionally challenged hubs one day 'do you mind me kissing and hugging you so much?' (Had a sudden wobble about it) he smiled and said 'I love it, because I've never had it before, please don't stop! But you know what? He still doesn't say those three words! Only in beautiful birthday cards will he write it. That's how I know.

So..... I just put him in his train, I couldn't come back before, of course, it would have been akward

It was crazy, to say the least. My heart was beating really fast, my throat was dry, I felt a bit like before taking a big test, I mean a school test. It was exciting and crazy. I know it sounds silly but, I didn't see myself stayng with a man who doesn't feel the same...

He is nearly 55, I am 39. He has 4 grown children, an ex wife with who he was for years, I only have 2 cats. I know that being with a man that age means that I won't be a mother and I accepted it.Since meeting him I changed so much... The weight I put on through the years was a way to protect myself. You see, I was raped 21 years ago and the way to be sure it would never happen again was to hide my body anyway I could. Trusting a man was very difficult after that, it took me 12 years. 12 years alone. That man wasn't the one but he reconciled me with men.After that it took me agan 6 years to meat this one.

So yes, yesterday was very crucial for me. We were in bed, but not "doing it" (aouch, it would be crazy to do it while doing "it"). I was close to his cheek and told him very quietly "Don't answer to what I'm about to say. tYou probably know it already, I love you. Just as you are" znf I went in the kitchen to take a bottle of water and came back as nothing happened. It was just a way to not make a big deal out of it. He took me in his arms and held me so tight it was "painful". He didn't say a thing but it doesn't matter, as I said I didn't do it to have an answer, and I know him enough to know that he needs time to process. It's like when I first told him that I missed him, he was scared it was painful for me.

Now I'll take my coffee as it is a fast day, and I'll come back to answer to everyone

[carorees]

ah, Manderlay, reading that brought a lump to my throat it sounds to more that he gave you his answer, with that big hug, that said "thank you". Well done for telling him, you know it was the right thing to do.