The FastDay Forum

Well hello!

It's the beginning of a new month....and a Monday as well....how neat! The perfect time to return to fasting....for the second time. Yep, this will be my 3rd time trying....Much has been happening in my life since I left 5:2 - I've been a total wreck tbh, but it's time to look forward now.

The first time I tried fasting, it was brilliant - I lost very nearly 4 stone....and felt really fabulous.
The second time, I would have to describe as rather half-hearted. What will this time be?
When I set my mind to it, nothing gets in my way. The first time, I had goals, I had family events that I wanted to look less like a beached whale at. I achieved my goals....and then gave up. The problem was, nothing else in my life had changed. Sure, I was buzzing, full of energy & humour, but fundamentally I was so unhappy. There is a lot wrong with my life. What do I do when I'm unhappy? Eat.....uncontrollably. Comfort food, mainly sweet, in ridiculous quantities...whether I'm hungry or not. Late at night too, when I should be in bed. If I went to bed at a sensible time, I wouldn't be doing it. But then, when did I ever look after myself properly? I grew up feeling worthless and it's something I still relate to. I am not kind to myself, in so many ways.

Yesterday, I squashed some internal organ or other...just bending down trying to put on my socks. Obviously, there is way too much fat getting in the way.....and it feels awful. I'm back to feeling decidedly second-class, a bit of an excuse for a human being. What I should be focusing on though, is just how very unhealthy I am. Probably diabetes waiting to happen...maybe heart disease too. Heaven knows what my cholesterol level is...

I don't value myself though, so I don't focus on all that. I don't really live....I just exist. I know that needs to change. In all honesty, if you met me, you'd probably not see all the turmoil...as its reserved for when I'm home alone....which is quite a lot. I have no get-up-and-go. I wallow. I'm disorganised. Late for everything. I have a facade...and I'm really good at putting it up in public.

Goodness, I'm rambling. What I really wanted to say was "Hello, I'm back!"
In a minute, I'm going to weigh myself to see what the damage is. Naturally, I have no idea....because I haven't been holding myself accountable. Except I can see all my unhappiness whenever I look at myself. The rolls of fat around my middle, the tree trunk thighs, chunky arms, multiple chins...I could go on.....

So, today I will be fasting....even though last night the devil in me said "Why tomorrow? There's chocolate birthday cake to eat! You don't HAVE to start tomorrow.....how about next Monday? One more week to attempt to fill the void inside you.....think about it".

But no. There's something very neat about the 1st of February falling on a Monday. I always start diets on Mondays. Yes I know I mustn't refer to it as a diet...but you know what I mean....

So, here I am. Again. Ready to work on myself in a number of areas. Needing to get inside my head in an attempt to sort myself out. Needing to be kinder to myself in so many ways. Bring it on......

Ooh, forgot to say a big hello to old friends....and also to new members. I've got a ton of posts to catch up on and I look forward to getting up to speed. Particular ginormous hello to @wildmissus!

Hi honey, welcome here again \o/
All of the above is behind you. Done with. Gone.
Today is IT. Today begins EVERYTHING.
We're holding cyber hands with you and walking forwards, fasting as we go.
Here's a hug {{{+}}}

Aww, thanks so much for all that positivity! It means a lot to me....

It is 6.10pm....and nothing solid has passed my lips yet! I've had the rumbletums, but as we all know, they come and go and are nothing to worry about.

Looks like Day 1 is nearly under my belt! Whoopy do!!

Welcome back Hazelnut.

Third time's the charm

Welcome back, and well done for getting through today!
I see you are in Somerset. Do you ever listen to Radio 4? Many years ago I hear Rabbi Lionel Blue on Thought for the Day. He was talking about when life seems overwhelming and you can't possibly fix all the things that need to be fixed (I think), but what I do remember was him saying you can't do everything, but you can clean the kitchen. (I guess this is another way of saying the journey of 1000 miles starts with a step, but somehow it is more doable when it is a kitchen!)
Similarly, you cannot get your whole life in order overnight, but you've made a start, you're taking control of it again.
Good luck!

So good you are back Hazelnut. I love your openness and insight into your life. It is all very well to say 'that's in the past; let's move on.' We need to accept the reality before we can move on and we need to grieve, repent and forgive and all that before we can see the light of the new day. I hold you in the Light and am with you on your journey. I do love the forum for that. We are all here for each other. You only have to say 'life is hard' and someone will reach out say something kind and loving. I hope you had a successful fast yesterday. Now let's go one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Big hugs.

Welcome back!!!!

Aw @Hazelnut it's so lovely to hear from you, welcome back.
Here are a few rainbows for you to hold I wish you calm and joy ahead. As Sallyo says one day at a time.
Love Lizx

Hi hi hi hazel... As in the old Gino washington song
Have thought about you and so pleased to see you
Every day is a new opportunity to start afresh x
And those other two times you fasted..you may have regained the weight but you'll still feel benefits of thise past days
For example i just got blood test results that said,no sign of diabetes..i feel sure its all the fasting days ive done in the past despite i still got weight to lose ( and btw havent fasted for months - not in the right mindset) but today ( like you,i love thats its monday and the first of the month). Ive kept within my TDEE and gine for a walk - its a start!
Good luck dude! X

[wildmissus]

Hi buddy, @Hazelnut20, you have no idea how pleased I am to see you. As you know I could have written a lot of what you wrote and needless to say I am still struggling away with my weight. Hopefully this time we can pick ourselves up and be kind to ourselves. I'll be in touch. Almost forgot to ask how yesterday's fast went.

Welcome back, @Hazelnut20! It's so lovely to hear from you again. It sounds as if your head is in the right place for fasting this time and, as you say, you have done it before and are now ready to do it again.
I am always a little concerned when people come on here (I am definitely not pointing a finger at you here, btw) and their reason for wanting to lose weight is for a particular event. I have done this in the past and, once the event has been and gone, it seems as if the incentive to lose, or maintain a loss, has gone. The reality is that one should want to shed the surplus weight for yourself and external factors should only come into consideration a long way behind that.
You have discovered for yourself that losing weight doesn't miraculously change anything else in your life, only you can do that, but please be assured that we are all here for you. You were so lovely to other people on the forum when you have been here previously, supportive and very caring, so let us do that for you this time around. XX Valerie

[Tracieknits]

So happy to have you back!!

Wow, thanks for sharing that very open and honest assessment. I think so many of us don't value ourselves, or don't value ourselves enough. But you are worth treating yourself well and you are just as valuable as every other human being on this planet. I wish there was an easy way to find one's own self-worth as it's sorely needed by so many!!!

Glad to have you back! <3

[carieoates]

Hello and welcome back from me too.

Oh my goodness!

It is so lovely to be back among you all - I can't tell you how much I appreciate your very kind comments and support.

I've been in a very black hole for the past 6 months - a place where nothing matters, least of all me. I turned my back on the forum and I am really sorry because I have always found you all so brilliantly encouraging. As often happens with me though, after throwing in the towel I find I always eventually get to a point where I say enough is enough.....and yesterday was that time.

Well girls, I am literally right back where I started in 2013 on the weight front. The good news is that I did it before, so I know I can do it again. What I'd like to do this time though, is to finally get my head straight at the same time...see the comfort eating for what it is...and kick it to the kerb. Fill my life with other things....

@wendyjane kindly messaged me yesterday with some very wise observations. My life is not at all how I want it to be in many areas, weight being just one of them. In the past, I've lost significant amounts of weight, felt miles better in myself, but realised that just losing weight does not magically mend my life....then become despondent about that and instead of setting about changing the other bits I'm unhappy about (how long have you got?!) I throw in the healthy eating & 5:2 towel and eat myself stupid. How silly is that??

In 2013, I chivvied myself into starting 5:2 because of 2 upcoming family events. I can't deny that at the time, they were great motivators for me but I fully understand & appreciate what @stowgateresident means about wanting to shed the weight for myself, not an event. I need to give that a lot of thought as I continue along the 5:2 way this year...because the problem is part of a much bigger issue in that I am never kind to myself....I don't know how to be....so it wouldn't occur to me to put my needs first...ever. It's a massive stumbling block.

Yesterday went really well. I slipped straight back into my old fasting pattern - fluids all day until early evening, then a fresh soup pot from Waitrose for 360 calories...end of. I can't deny that all the battle went on in my head - for me, it really is a case of making my mind up that that is how the day is going to go...and refusing to waver from it at any point. Knowing I had some leeway (140 cals) was helpful - I could've had a handful of nuts if need be, but somehow found I didn't need or want them. Can't deny I was really rather proud of getting through Day 1 so painlessly. As we all know, it is something positive to build on...

Today I am feeling quite virtuous! I had an appt for a blood test this morning...and decided that I would walk to the surgery which is in my village about 1 and a half miles away from where I live. Being the appalling timekeeper that I am, I didn't leave sufficient time to get there....so was forced to break into a trot towards the end - but only when no cars were passing!! I even declined the offer of a lift from one of the villagers & arrived huffing & puffing & very red faced! The nurse decided to add all sorts of other screening tests to the kidney function one, including blood sugar and cholesterol. Not a bad thing at all in my opinion - should help to focus me on my health! Met a friend in the surgery and she offered me a lift home...which I declined on the basis that the walk would be good for me. She even conspiratorially offered to drop me at the top of my lane (!) but I was having none of it...

So, all in all, am very happy with the start I have made. Am so looking forward to getting my mojo back...

Thank you for laying it out there @Hazelnut20. It's hard to say those words. Hearing them from you, maybe someday I'll be able to own it myself. So many of us see ourselves in what you've written. Thank you.