The FastDay Forum

It occurred to me that my lovely suntan was fading somewhat, so, what does one do about it? We had spent an obscene amount of time lazing about in warmer climes this year and lovely it was but the pensions will just not run to a full winter of lazing about al fresco. Well, not strictly true, as there is nothing to stop me getting a sun lounger out every day and staking myself out in the garden but it would only result in damp, straight hair and frozen extremities and my tan would still fade so that was not my preferred option to a perpetually bronzed body. So after much thought and wandering around the 'self tanning' section of our local Boots I decided that this might be the way forward. £5.99 for a tin of gravy browning is a heck of a lot cheaper than £5000 for a trip to Barbados so that was my choice.

I bought an aerosol moisturiser that also has a small amount of fake tan in it so you never lose that burnished sun-kissed glow that has cost you a fortune to acquire. I got showered, buffed to within an inch of my life and dried, ready to go with the fake burnished sun-kissed glow look alike. O.K. All ready, naked as a jaybird, (this takes me back to my body wraps trial, ah, happy days!) I spray all down my left side, legs, arms, in fact everywhere, even places where the sun hadn’t shone. Lovely, it does what it says on the tin. Smooth, sleek, bronzed Goddess here I come. This is easy, peasy, now for the right hand side. It's around this time that I suddenly discover that I’m right handed, which I've always been aware of, but never realised before that I can’t use an aerosol with my left hand. Too late now, can't go back so I'm obliged to go on, a bit like when the pilot has lifted the nose wheel and then goes off the idea of flying, too darned bad buddy, get on with it. Mmmm, no problem, how difficult can spraying with one's left hand be? Well, I can spray after a fashion, but with fake tan it gives you a look that is not the fashion you are after. I’ve never felt the need to be ambidextrous before. Oh well, it will be O.K. It's only a little bit of colour, what can go wrong? After the ease with which I did it with my right hand it is rather shocking how patchy and uneven the spray has become under the control of my left hand. Ever the optimist I take myself off to bed dreaming of waking to a look that belongs more on a tropical beach than middle England in November.

Hubs had done bacon and eggs for breakfast and if truth be told the egg yolks paled next to me, well, next to my right hand side and to say I out shone them would indeed be an understatement. Hubs, myself and the eggs all needed sunglasses, actually those sleep masks you can buy would have been even better or even poking each other in the eyes would have worked. If you approach me from the left I’m all ‘Sophisticated St Tropez’ and bronzed; if you approach me from the right I'm more ‘Mottled Margate’ and blotched or should that be botched? It might be best not to approach me from any angle for some time.The tin says it fades gradually but I'm too old for gradual, don't have that much time left I'm afraid. I've tried brillo pads and the orange only turned to a fiery red and hurt, just like sunburn, oh, the irony! Oven cleaner was no better and I did momentarily consider bleach but blanched at that one. Looks like I'll just have to live with this rather racy look til it fades. If you think I’ve ruined my look, you should see the bathroom! Ce’st la Vie!!

Now saving hard for a winter break in the sun

Ballerina x

I'm very happy to be pale and uninteresting throughout the winter. I never expose much anyway!!

Happy saving!

Now I know why I stick to my pasty milk bottle white look all year round! Poor you @Ballerina, you could always cultivate a right sided crab scuttle to show off your bronzed half until your tan fades!

Now I know why I stick to my pasty milk bottle white look all year round! Poor you @Ballerina, you could always cultivate a right sided crab scuttle to show off your bronzed half until your tan fades!

.........

Or I could just not be so daft

Ballerina x

So are you orange like the kids on that Essex programme??

My daughter was home from Australia during the summer and asked why there were so many orange people around. I have become so used to seeing it that I didn't notice until she pointed it out. Never mind Ballerina it is so bl---y cold that you will be covered from ankle to neck, if need be a balaclava could be worn maybe with a nice tasteful plastic flower pined to the side so it looked tasteful and feminine.

Sorry Ballerina but you did make me laugh.

I Googled 'evening a fake tan' and have pasted below some solutions from eHowUK. There are probably many other sites to get info from but I thought the suggestions below might keep you busy for a while.

Good luck with getting an even glow back

Add 1 cup of milk to warm bath water and take a bath. Lactic acid in milk reduces the excess colour of the tan on your body. Shave your legs and scrub your body with a loofah to help exfoliate and even out the tanned skin.

2
Apply white vinegar to a cotton ball and wipe it on the blotchy areas of your tan to even them out.

3
Dip a cotton ball in lemon juice and sweep it over your streaky tan. Lemon juice contains citric acid, which helps lighten and even out your tan. Apply this method as soon as possible after applying your tan, preferably while the skin is still moist.

4
Massage baking soda over and around streaked areas with a wet washcloth. Baking soda has an exfoliating effect and will slough away dead skin cells. Rinse your skin with water. Avoid using baking soda on your face as this may be harsh.

5
Use toner on your face to help reduce the streaks. Apply bronzer to camouflage any blotches or unevenness.
6
Apply a dime-size amount of tan corrector to your stained skin. Scrub your skin in a circular motion with a loofah. Rinse your skin with water. Tan-correcting lotion can be purchased at your local chemist. The lotion lifts excess colour off your skin and helps even it out.

Oh Ballerina. I have an accurate visual of you now, first applying the tan, and then what you might look like with it on! Although I have to say that Annie's research on how to get rid of it sounds even more daunting

My skin is so white, it reflects the sun. It never tans nor burns. I'm very weird. So have spent years trying out different ways of looking like a beach babe but to no avail. I used to go to a salon and be sprayed by a therapist wielding a paint spray gun. The procedure that many will be familiar with is that you have to stand in a booth and do a strange dance whilst she sprays all of the necessary parts, wearing paper knickers and a shower cap. (Me not her).

Anyway Ballerina, the best products I have found to prolong a tan (or in my case, give me a hint of colour) is one of those everyday moisturisers like Dove Summer glow or Nivea everyday tan. Cheap, easy to apply, they don't smell nasty any more and no streaks! My favourite is Organic's Heavenly Tan Enhancer. I have tried to find a link on the web, but can only find pictures. I buy it from my local salon.

OH ballerina
Well at least yo've given us all a laugh because we have a certain picture of you in our heads
First in the summer when the sun was shinning and you could have got a tan, you wrapped yourself in bandages to iron out the wrinkles
and now you've been tango'd

However there was a soloution the OH could have sprayed your righthand side for you !!! Maybe
Good Luck with the saving account + your off too a good start because you've got to stay in the house for 2 weeks now Sue.

Sorry Ballerina but you did make me laugh and me too!
2
Apply white vinegar to a cotton ball and wipe it on the blotchy areas of your tan to even them out.

3
Dip a cotton ball in lemon juice and sweep it over your streaky tan. Lemon juice contains citric acid, which helps lighten and even out your tan. Apply this method as soon as possible after applying your tan, preferably while the skin is still moist.

.

What about salt for exfoliation??

The salt n vinegar tan!!!!

Or even - salted caramel, my favourite!!!!

And I see 'shaving' is getting a mention, after a gap of several months don't lets go down that route again pleeeeease my bladder would just not stand it

Apply this method as soon as possible after applying your tan, preferably while the skin is still moist

Well stable door / bolted I think - poor old @ballerina's tan has probably hardened like tarmac by now - or that stain you put on fences - creosote????

You could always pretend you'd got a bit of jaundice!

Xx xx

Well that just confirms that I will stay pale and pasty. No right handed fake tans for me
Especially while I'm shaking with laughter.

Sue.Q ' and now you've been tangoed'


Hahhaaaaaa nice one @Sue.Q never thought of that one absolutely brilliant!!!!

And I think @TML13 would enjoy this too!!

: Oh Silverdarling I do wish she would come back to us what a great Christmas pressie that would befor us all Well the ones who love her
Everone has missed out on seeing her '' after photograph ''
What a cracker in her size 8s skinny jeans Sue

I can always rely on you lot to crack me up, thanks for the laughs girls. I look good in my designer balaclava, polo necked jumper, gloves etc., so don't worry about my Jaffa cake look, it will pass, I hope

Ballerina x

In the dim and distant past I had a similar problem-fortunately only on my legs and a body scrub product did the trick-however that was a longtime ago and chemicals have probably become more effective and less easily removed.