The FastDay Forum

Is it the lack of food or the heat that is making people respond with stabbing with forks and now a meat cleaver ha ha

Nothing to do with the weather, it's just sometimes husbands need a little gentle something to concentrate their minds and make them listen to what you say to them. I find fear is a wonderful tool in that respect

Ballerina x

But then again, just plopping down next to a dieter and eating away may also seem rude - should he go to another room to eat as if he's doing something wrong? But yes, stabbing them with a fork would be poetic justice....

Hi this is a very interesting post, my husband can do these things too, I dont think he means to be mean he just never really takes my dieting seriously and doesn't see that I have a problem or how important it is to me. But I've been the one in the past who has given in and bailed on my diet because he's turned up with a treat. So as the saying goes it's madness to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, if you want him to behave differently you have to react to these temptations differently. I'm going with the fork stabbing option

r: I have changed my mind with my previous advice and I am not taking the majority view ...the fork

My OH is very much like this. It was awful when I was calorie restricting every day. He'd bring us home a "treat" because he fancied it, knowing I'd end up caving and joining him (he also needs to lose a lot of weight but doesn't seem to care that much). Nowadays he's doing 5:2 with me, with varying success, and if he brings me home some crisps etc on a fast day I say thank you, I'll have it tomorrow. IMO that is the best thing about this WOE!

I actually had the opposite issue in that OH didn't like to eat in front of me and half-starved until we twigged he just had to eat more as he was now too thin.

I think if you want to cave, it makes it alright if someone joins you...I also think it's a bit like smoking, some people toe the line that they "should lose weight" but until you REALLY want to, it's not going to work.

You would only have to do this once, take what he offers you, get up and put it in the bucket. I bet he won't give you any more.

I did this a while back - he brought home a family sized bag of revels - I've always asked him not to and only get the small bags or none at all - so I opened it and poured them into the bin. He looked horrified and said " what a waste" but no one else would have eaten them and I don't have the willpower (pathetic I know), to stop at a few.

Don't beat yourself up...

I wouldn't have managed to put them in the bin. Will power is mostly a myth, it's helped by environmental control.

You want to please the one you love. This is hard stuff!

Some people find change particularly threatening, especially when it is being actively sought by someone close to them. When this happens to me, I try to think '"it's their issue", keep smiling and carry on doing what I want. If they are afraid a new, slimmer and more confident you would reject them, or be less amenable, all you can do is carry on as normal, being reassuring about the things that aren't changing. Good luck and keep going. You can only love other people if you love yourself gosh that sounds sickly but I do think it's true...

I would usually try to write something profound about anxiety and comfort zones and people not liking change...

However, I just read your post out to my very mild-mannered OH and he just said "Stab him with the fork...!"

that made me laugh - sound advice lol

Failing that tell him you've given up and then continue on the sly. With the 5:2 it's easier to hide from others. The only people who know i'm on this are hubby and the kids... hubby's one of those 'are you sure you should be eating that' guys but outside that people tend to pretend they like to see you loose, but resent it. So easier for me to tell nobody!

Good luck and dont let him put you off xx

You would only have to do this once, take what he offers you, get up and put it in the bucket. I bet he won't give you any more.

I did this a while back - he brought home a family sized bag of revels - I've always asked him not to and only get the small bags or none at all - so I opened it and poured them into the bin. He looked horrified and said " what a waste" but no one else would have eaten them and I don't have the willpower (pathetic I know), to stop at a few.

With respect I don't agree .

It's the possible thing you could do.

Say thank you very much you but you thought you'd be clear on what what you wanted (and NOT wanted )to go down your gob (so to speak).

It's no waste whatsoever(only they were bought in the first instance)

I learned (eventually) that I love feeding people. I enjoy the special occasion thing of preparing a meal and it being enjoyed. To me, it's an act of service and love. There's a chance that may be your OH's motivation. The only way you will get through this together, though, is to talk about it. And make sure you have fun times around food when you're not fasting

Whether he is a saboteur, a feeder, an non-thinker or an insecure man, what he does is inexcusable.
Personally, I wouldn't stab him with the fork (I can't stand men who nag over minor injuries) nor I would throw food in the bin (seriously? there are people who starve out there) but next time he'd try to sabotage my diet I would say "well, there goes a week without sex, do you want me to make it a month"?

I just had afternoon tea with my mother. She had a date scone and was annoyed I was only having tea. I wasn't fasting today but I didn't feel like anything. She made such a fuss about her eating by herself I had to have a melting moment!! Then later she complained about too many social occasions revolve around food and people are always trying to feed her - I reminded her how she made me eat the melting moment. We both laughed but it is a strange situation. I have no explanation.

I have a similar mother problem. She constantly tells me I am too fat but at the same time tries to push food into me. She gets really worried if I don't eat at a recognized meal time. Or even if I don't have dessert. Luckily she is on a different continent from me so I only see her intermittently. Would never in a million years tells her about 5:2 fasting.