The FastDay Forum

I try and avoid telling my husband that I am on a diet as he always tries to sabotage my efforts. He brings home large bars of chocolate and and will suggest a takeaway etc. He says he just isn't thinking and thought I'd like some chocolate. Last night he decided to make a fry up at 9pm when I'd been fasting all day and of course brought in a fork for me to share

Why on earth would you do that???? Does anyone else have friends and family who try to scupper your efforts and if so how do you deal with them?

I just had afternoon tea with my mother. She had a date scone and was annoyed I was only having tea. I wasn't fasting today but I didn't feel like anything. She made such a fuss about her eating by herself I had to have a melting moment!! Then later she complained about too many social occasions revolve around food and people are always trying to feed her - I reminded her how she made me eat the melting moment. We both laughed but it is a strange situation. I have no explanation.

gorgeous anecdote Caro.

Minibondgirl mine DH is the opposite often asking 'can you eat that?' And on my feed days mind!!

Who is to know other than the "saboteur". Does he just love you the way you are and wants you curvey, Maybe a bit of 16:8 will fox him and you can slip in the odd 5:2, never hurts to mix it up anyway. Or challenge him as to why he is not supporting you

I would usually try to write something profound about anxiety and comfort zones and people not liking change...

However, I just read your post out to my very mild-mannered OH and he just said "Stab him with the fork...!"

I try and avoid telling my husband that I am on a diet as he always tries to sabotage my efforts. He brings home large bars of chocolate and and will suggest a takeaway etc. He says he just isn't thinking and thought I'd like some chocolate. Last night he decided to make a fry up at 9pm when I'd been fasting all day and of course brought in a fork for me to share

Why on earth would you do that???? Does anyone else have friends and family who try to scupper your efforts and if so how do you deal with them?

I might have misunderstood but this gentleman sounds like... in the modern parlence....to be a "feeder"?

Change tactic and be quite clear that (though you appreciate his thoughtful pressies) you want to be careful about what you eat for a bit/the foreseeable future.

... he just said "Stab him with the fork...!"

Or just smack him up-side the head with her miniPPK.

Hi Minibondgirl sometimes they just dont think and you are probably noticing it more because its a fast day, ha ha can be annoying though

Agree with David F here, sounds like you got yourself a feeder. I also agree that stabbing him with a fork is the way forward

There is only one person in control of what goes into your mouth, and it's not him.

Just. Say. No.

I think it's partly to do with a personal feeling of guilt for eating themselves. There is something very odd about eating in front of someone who isn't, whether or not you know it's a fast day for them or not. It kind of feels 'wrong', like you're eating a cream cake in front of a starving child. When I'm peckish but my husband isn't (because he knows the difference between boredom hunger and real hunger and tends to only eat when he's either properly hungry...or tempted by me!), I feel guilty and greedy for eating, as I clearly don't need it and he could do with more (he's very lean and has a bmi of about 18, although with muscles ).

So, like BBT said it's probably their personal anxieties about food etc but also like caro's mum says, food is very much a social thing (and long may it continue to be so) and someone not 'taking part' in the food bit is somehow maybe not 'taking part' in the whole social thing.

Or you could just stab him with the fork...

Lots of fork stabbing going on - I am quite fond of throwing things myself. Best advice I ever got...don't engage. Smile, nod, don't engage. I guess since he is trying to slide cake under your nose with two forks best move would be to just keep saying no thanks and move on. Or smile and say "aren't you cute" then smack him with a pillow.

My hubby thinks he my be insecure and worries that if you lose weight you might 'move on'. We don't really know what goes on in someone else's head! Or if all else fails - stab him with the fork

There is only one person in control of what goes into your mouth, and it's not him.

Just. Say. No.

Absolutely agree with this.

Who knows why he does it? Even he might not know. There's no chance that he will change until you change something in how you respond.

Options: Don't let him know what your fast/feed days are. Don't mention the sabotage. Start questioning the sabotage. Say no to take away and on fast days. Put the chocolate away...you can always have it on a special "feast" day.

You would only have to do this once, take what he offers you, get up and put it in the bucket. I bet he won't give you any more.

They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so it might be worth pointing out that if he persists then you might take a shortcut and go straight through his chest wall with a meat cleaver, that might make him reconsider his position, or, you could just say 'no thank you' and REALLY, REALLY mean it. Either solution should work, good luck,

Ballerina x