The FastDay Forum

[Tracieknits]

With the first person, why not send a note in a card? I know I absolutely love receiving real mail.

As for OH, I'm torn on what advice to offer. It's usually a bad idea to do something drastic after such huge losses in your life. But if you felt this person wasn't right for you before all of this, that's another thing.

I think I was a bit numb about my father's death for almost a year. I think I needed the time to process the grief in my own way. I love my dad, and I have so many fond memories. But I honestly think I get more misty-eyed and sentimental now than I did when he died, over 30 years ago. Don't be too hard on yourself! People grieve in their own ways.

Big hugs@Manderley there is no such thing as normal grief .. everyone is very individual, after the initial shock it took about 3 month for it to sink in with me and I am ashamed to say I went a little off the rails.

Don't worry at all about making contact with your Godfather , all families have their differences mine was very split but my dads family became so important to me after he died I just did everything I could to keep in touch, just go for it , it will make you feel so much better that you still have a part of him close

Your picture made me smile .. you dad looks not unlike my own and I have a very similar picture which I carry with me on my phone, such precious memories and I am sure he is very very proud with the way you have coped with all this.

Don't give the ex OH another thought he sounds like a very odd person .. things like this make you revaluate your life and it is too short to spend it with someone who is less than 100% supportive and there for you

Take time out for yourself now , treat yourself as you would a friend who was in this situation as that was good advice that was given to me x

As a returning faster, I have only just read this thread, but I couldn't just move on without sending my sincere condolences to you @manderley and love & healing hugs too.

You have so much on your plate right now and have had some wonderful input from the members of this forum. I cannot add very much, other than to observe that this is the time to be very kind, patient & gentle with yourself as you go through the grieving process. Perhaps go a bit easy on decision making too as there's plenty for you to cope with already. I cannot speak with any experience about the issues you are dealing with, but from reading this thread it is clear that you are by no means alone - so keep in touch with everyone & we will share the bad days....and when they come, the good days too. By "good day" I only mean a day when you might be able to momentarily smile at a fond memory without experiencing searing pain. No one is expecting anything from you in terms of timescales....
God bless you & your family xxx

I cant say too much that has not already been said, but I too wanted to just pass on my thoughts and best wishes to you Mandalay.. Sending healing hugs and much love for you.

Dear @Manderley,
Perhaps at the moment you might benefit from just sitting with your feelings and not rushing into making any major decisions. I imagine that you might feel battered and confused about so many things. Having said that, I think that it makes sense to reach out to heal any old rifts, so a card or note to your godfather seems a good idea. It's not necessary to say much.

When you feel a little more settled you will be in a better place for deciding what is best for you.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Bracken

With my godfather, who is also my dad's way younger half brother (my dad was 73, he is 57) it's pretty complicated. As I lost touch with him for years, not that we were angry at each other but, like I said, it's complicated, I don't have his address or even his email address, only his mobile phone. I "found" him on facebook but I don't want to write to him that way. He's the only person I don't know how to act around, it's pretty weird.

About my still OH, for now I just canceled a date we had tonight. He is so insensitive about the whole thing (he said, "you need time for yourself, let's have a call on a later date"), trying to make me feel guilty about abandoning him... It really doesn't help. I don't understand how he was never so insensitive and selfish before.

The grieving process is a weird thing, everything seems alright, you seem to deal with things just right and boom, you realize that you are cold, without any idea how to show your emotions or how to deal with them. You will feel things you shouldn't and even don't recognize yourself . On the top of it all, I am so angry with my mother that I can't see her for now. I go and stay just 5 minutes before going back as she drives me crazy. Even if I understand the she has dementia, I can't accept she's not grieving for the man she loved and was married to for the last 50 years....

And last but not least, I am still losing weight. I am eating 2 times a day, breakfast and dinner. Last night I had a salad and fresh bread, chorizo and cheddar (we have some really good mature cheddar these days) and a bit of milk chocolate for dessert. I still can't eat at lunch but it doesn't concerns me, what concerns me is all this weight I can't keep on. It's ironic when you think I couldn't get rid of some big extra weight for years, isn't it ?

One big happy thing, I found some very old slides from the 70s and 80s and there is even the thing to look at them, you know to show them on a wall, so I will have a look at the thousands of them the next few days, I already saw some where I was 6 and recognized my sister and my godfather (with the long hair and a mustache... ) and it really made me smile, a real one not a fake one

And for all of us who have lost someone, this song is particularly great... Please be careful though as there are some electric guitar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlKu26LG-WU

I wd contact yr godfather if i was you M. A text message or a private message on FB seem to be yr only options.
He is grieving too and may well want the contact. If he doesnt respond, i know thats hard for you,but at least you reached out to help someone in pain like yrself.
As for OH,can i be devil's advocate and say,he might be finding it very difficult at the moment. Unable to say or do the things you need him to,tho perhaps wanting to. People find it hard to just' be there' for a grieving person,and find the right words,plus if he loves you,its hard for him to see you suffer.
Just trying to see it from his perspective as dont want you to do anything hasty and push him away.
As somebody else said,dont make any major changes til things have settled down x
Ps the photo of baby Manderley with Dad is just gorgeous! X

I think Candy has said some great things there.
Grief affects us all so differently. And it has always been difficult to people to understand other people's grief isn't it. People feel awkward, not knowing what to say.
My darling brother would have been 50 today. He died of stomach cancer at the age of 27. I never get to talk about him much for fear of upsetting my mum, so its nice to be able to mention him here.
My thoughts and good wishes go with you, Manderley, at this troubling time. xx

Oh @nursebean big hugs..i just wrote on the Bean & Oates thread and was thinking of yr bro as i wrote but didnt want to mention him. A very special day then..will write again on B & O thread x

Oh you are so sweet Candy. Just like your name xxxx

I am so sorry for your brother @nursebean big hugs to you and happy birthday to him Please feel free to talk to him if you need to...

Cancer is a b**** isn't it ?

The situation is not complicated because of my dad, well, not because of my dad right now anyway, but because of relationship. Let's say that him and me (my godfather that I will name JL because it drives me crazy to keep having him nameless) have a kind of ambiguous relationship with strong feelings that shouldn't be. That's why I decided to cut all ties with him at a time, because of those feelings I couldn't deal with. Anyway.. I will ring him in a few days just to thank him for being here for my dad and me when we needed him the most, it's the most simple thing to do.

Dear Manderley,

I have only just caught up with this thread and you have my condolences for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. As other's have said, everyone deals with grief differently. *hugs*

With regards to your OH, I don't know what to suggest. It may be that he is trying to help in a weird way and is not realising how his words are interpreted. With regards to your godfather, I think your plan sounds like a good way to deal with the situation.

I am glad you could smile at the photos. Sending you warm wishes for the time ahead, know that you have the support of people on here.

I listened to the song. Very good!

One day at a time m'dear, keep eating, and remembering, then look up and out and catch up with the day as it is.
Be here now.
{{{+}}}
(Men haven't a clue, take one step back and a deep breath, think about him next week.)
:0)

How are you @Manderley? Thinking of you.

It's been a week @Manderley since you last wrote on here so I'm concerned for you.
Just a line please.