The FastDay Forum

Manderley you have a lot of people thinking of you and sending best wishes and positive thinking. Don't ever think you are alone and no matter how bad you feel it's always surprising how we find the strength from somewhere to keep going. Life is full of ups and downs and although this feels unbearable you will pull through. Use happy as support - he must also be feeling 'lost'.
Keep strong, you know where we are

I'm so sorry to hear what has been happening in your life. My son sent me this passage as he is not religious, I am but I still think it is a beautiful bit of writing. Sending you love and hugs.
"You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen.

-Aaron Freeman." Really thinking of you at this time xx

Thank you so much for this passage, @Loulou51. My dad's energy will be with me always. He's such a big part of my life and I even look like him so it will be impossible for him to go completly.

It's been hectic days, didn't have a minute for myself. I did a huge panic attack yesterday because I didn't know what I will do with my mother but after a great fear, I have find a room in a home for her. A nice home, I went to visit it yesterday afternoon, where she will have her own room, she will be able to decorate it as she wish and even Happy will be able to come and visit her in her room regularly.

I mean, if I can keep Happy. I don't know if I will be able to. I don't know how to train him to not chase my cats. After 10 nights at my home it's still rough and one of my cats is still hiding in my wardrobe when he's here. It would break my heart if I had to give him back but what an I do ? How can I make him obey and not chase them ? Is it fair to my cats to keep trying ? Believe me, I don't want to give him back and I really really hope that he will calm down.

About my dad now.... Nothing changed much for now. The nurses and staff say he's serene and the fact that I am so much here helps the atmosphere to be serene. I know how to stay positive in front of him. I am scared to death but I am in the acceptance step of the grieving process I suppose. I just need a few more days to say goodbye.

I learned so much this week. I just wish it was less painful. The nursing staff is really great and they are here to listen if I need to talk and it's a huge deal for me.

Thank you all again for your support I really appreciate it more than words can say

Manderley it is really good that you have been able to find a home for your mother & that you are able to spend time with your father & I am sure he really appreciates & feels comforted that you do. Keep strong both for yourself & for him this is an opportunity for you to learn more about him & to ask anything that you haven't before. As for your cats & Happy they will sort themselves out! Cats are remarkably self sufficient & will boss him into behaving himself so that he learns his place in your home. Thinking of you & sending hugs to you all & well done you are doing what you need to do coping very well even though it may not feel like it. Just take it one day at a time.

Very pleased that you have found somewhere for your mum that will make the situation much better for both you and her. As Isis says the cats and dog will probably sort themselves out. My sister has two Staffordshire terriers and a lurcher brought into her family after the cats and they have all got used to each other. The cats are definitely the bosses, even though one of the cats is blind and very old. Take care of yourself too xxx

{{{+}}}
You are managing so well my dear, so much achieved in so short a time too.
Please eat twice a day at least, you are burning up energy fast and need to replace it, eat when you feed the animals :0)
Hugs and thoughts always x

[Tracieknits]

I am so glad to hear you found a good place for your mom!!
When we got our dog, one cat was terrified of her. My poor kitty hid and ran constantly. She eventually did calm down and allow the dog to be in the same room with her (maybe a month?) and after about a year, she pretty much learned she's really the boss. The dog will chase her unless she stops and faces the dog. Then the dog goes straight into submissive postures. Really, our dog just wants to play. If you don't think Happy is going to eat your cats (which is very unlikely), I'd bet Happy just wants to play too and is too enthusiastic about it. Is there a dog trainer you could hire to come to your house for a visit or two, to help you learn how to make the dog stop chasing? Perhaps you could ask at your veterinarian or at a pet supply store if they know anyone?

I hope you get more time with your father.

Please take care of yourself, and know we are thinking about you.

Once again thank you so very much for all your support in these difficult days.... It really helps to be able to write things down and share them. It helps to get rid of some of the dark cloud. You know, it's like when you are scared of the monster under your bed when you're little, to be able to share your fear and learn that it's a reasonable fear and others have/had the same fear it helps to deal with it. It's what I feel right now, writing about it help to deal with the fear even, if, of course, there are times I will go out of my dad's room to cry...

Yesterday was a good day. My dad had lots of visits, the most shocking one, for me, was one of his grandson. I was so shocked to see my godson who is 23, that I said several time something like "holy s***" ! I know his big brother don't want to come, which I understand, so I presumed he wouldn't come either. It was great, we had a laugh, really, there were neighbours who were there as well and later his brother came back, too late really in the sense that he was tired by all these visits and was sleeping most of the time.

Here's what will probably happen, he will sleep more and more until he goes . He's not really aware which is good I believe. He wants and could go home to die there but it would be very heavy and traumatic for me and even for him so I don't know...

My mother... Well she's lost, fragile. She's mostly gone. The woman I know is gone. It's pretty hard as she holds on to me and even if I try to spend some time on my own, it's pretty hard as she panics easily if I don't come back regularly during the day. I don't know how fast the dementia will "eat" her.... but I try to stay positive and, most of all, I don't hide her anything, I treat her as an equal which is good if I believe her doctor... It's a learning process really

About Happy now, I agree with you, @Tracieknits he just is too enthusiastic and he wants to play with them but he's a bit rough so it's pretty hard on them. However Iris slept with us last night and all went well so there is hope.

I thought about the after, when my dad will be gone and I need to find a job. Quickly. I need to get some money to move out and to net go down the depression road. The question is how ? I am useless when it comes to look for a job. I know, it's pretty weird to thing of the "after" but I guess I need to to not focus on what will happen next... Does that make any sense ?

Just catching up and sending hugs x x
@loulou51 i loved what you contributed..and AB@azurebluegreat advice re eat when feeding the pets...are you listening Manderley!?
Re a job...could you leave thinking about that for a while? You need some rest not work for the near future...i know bills must be paid tho ..sigh.....

Hi @Manderley sending you hugs and thinking of you today it's great to hear your friends and family came together yesterday to visit, especially your godson. While it maybe easier to look ahead as you say, I agree with CandiceMarie, if you are able spend time in the present, the future will be waiting for you at the right time.

My dad passed away yesterday morning.

The hospital rang me at 7:00 AM to tell me to come as soon as possible as he was very very tired. My body was shaking but I managed to ring his brother and his sisters as well as my own sister to advise them that if they wanted to be here they had to come early. I also rang a neighbour to ask her to come with me as I was so scared.....

My dad was in a coma since the middle of the night but I really belive he could hear or sense me. He reacted when I kissed him and my neighbour told me he seemed more at peace. It was so hard to see him that way and know it was the end.... I was holding his hand, trying to talk to him, telling him how much I love him and how much proud I am of him and to be his daughter. After his brother arrived we asked my dad to hold on a little bit for my sister to arrive and he did.

After she arrived she went outside the room as it was a bit traumatizing for her to see him, I left for 2 minutes and our friend called me back. My dad was looking at me, he had turned his head and was looking at me... I got back to him and took him in my arms, cuddling (sorry if it's not the right word) gently his hair, telling him how much I love him and telling him to let go. He died a few moments later and I closed his eyes. It was intense but not painful. I mean it's difficult to explain. The pain is here but I didn't thought I would be strong enough to be here for him even if I wanted to . There was a sense of peace in a way which I can explain.

Today I am numb, in pain, even my body reacts to the grief.

His funerals will be next Friday.

Bless you dear Manderley, your strength saw him through to peace. My deepest condolences for your loss.
Look after yourself now, rest, eat, keep going, he lives on through your life {{{+}}}

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Please do remember that you were there for him until the end & that will have been so comforting for him. Those we lose live forever with us in our genes & in our memories & shared experiences. You are in my thoughts also

[carorees]

Many condolences dear @Manderley. I am so glad you were able to be there and to ease his passing letting him know how much he was loved. You have been so strong. Numbness is normal and helps you deal with the things you need to. But don't try to suppress the grief when it comes, that is important. And keep talking...about your Dad, about how you feel, about the experiences, this is important too.
Sending virtual hugs

Bless you @Manderley so very sorry to hear your news but glad your dad is now at peace. I was with my mum and mum in law when they passed away and it is hard but be comforted that he knew you were there for him.

When my dad died I was in physical pain because the grief was so bad and I wasn't with him ( it happened too quick) so I'm reaching out with a big hug for you , you will be in my thoughts and prayers x