The FastDay Forum

I am more fed up than depressed. Most of the time, I am fine, it's just that dealing with one crisis after another is exhausting.
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I need to go to my woman cave, everything will be better after.

I always think of coping with one crisis after another as fire-fighting and it is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. There's seems to be one drain after another on your personal resources.

Sometimes, it can be useful to know if each of these crises is wholly independent or if there's a common root? So, to ditch the fire-fighting analogy for a plumbing one, if you're constantly having to mop up floods because your upstairs neighbours sink is overflowing, is it possible to talk to the neighbour about fixing the sink to stop the floods?

I think it's good of your DH to be supportive to his DD because of her friend. However, he is your spouse and he might have some useful perspective to offer you or be ready to give you some extra consideration/compassion during this difficult time. However, you know your own relationship best and a conversation that isn't right for you now maybe OK at a different time?

And, when I say 'conversation' - for me, sometimes, it more resembles a status update (yet another analogy). "I'm going through a lot right now. It's nothing I need to talk about but I'm mentioning it because I may seem distracted or uninvolved for a while but it's something that I know will resolve itself and it's not in response to anything that you've done." That probably says more about my DH as altho' I don't withdraw conversation/affection/interaction in response to a huff/disagreement, his mother did, so if he noticed a change, he'd start fretting it was about something he'd done.

The good news is even this upset I don't turn to food so my weight is still the same, my BMI is still around 18.50 so nothing has changed on that front.

That speaks for an enviable level of maturity and ease around food and holding food in it's proper place as a means of fuel and appropriate enjoyment but not a provider of emotional support nor life solutions.

My best wishes for as brief a period in your woman cave as is compatible with recuperating from whatever you're experiencing.

It took me nearly a month but I am back.

A lot happened this year. My mother is in bed since the end of March, my dad is exhausted and fell down several times without being able to get up (he didn’t hurt himself, but still), a friend of my OH had a terrible accident which left him paralyzed, OH himself has some pretty big health issues (he is losing his sight) …. It was a lot to take…

There was also the fact that, even after nearly a year maintaining, I have some issues with my new body. I don’t recognize my face, for the first time ever I have wrinkles (I had none before I lost weight), my breasts are awful to look at, when I sleep on the side, I feel pain because my bones are touching and and and…….. I have non stop hemorroids for 3 months which I can’t get rid off and that drives me nuts. My GP told me that that can happen when you lose a lot of weight and there’s nothing really that can be done except regulate things down there (I won’t go into more details, don’t worry…. )

As I said before, losing weight and even maintaining it (with no big effort, I must admit) is not a miracle answer to personal issues. I can understand now that some people choose to gain the weight back because it can be a tough ride to have to deal with the « new you ». One of the biggest issue is the people around me who can say or do cruel things. I mean, I can’t count how many times someone asked me if I was sick or saying « you shouldn’t get rid of your fat clothes, you will probably need them in a year or so ». There are bets on how long i twill take me to gain back the 40 something kilos I gained, how sick is thait ?
All is not negative, however, I have a huge supporter, my OH who keeps saying how proud he is of me… I don’t think I could have gone this far without him. I mean, of course I do it for me first but, if I am completely honnest, I do it for him as well. Because I want to be beautiful, sexy, desirable and it’s much easier to feel sexy and body confident when you are intimate with someone when you are thin than when you are 40 kilos overweight…..

All that to say I am back, stronger than ever. Thank you so much for your support and understanding. You are a big part of what keeps me go and look forward.

Hi Manderley, lovely to see you back and in a positive frame of mind. Gosh, you have had a tough year but, like the strong woman we all know and love, you are rising above it and dealing with it. You have found, like millions befor you, that losing weight is not the bee all and end all of sorting ones problems but I do think it helps emotionally to be tackling problems from a position of confidence and if being slimmer gives you that then well done. The perceived long term health benefits should stand you in good stead so good luck to you and your loved ones for a more peaceful future, whatever it brings.

Ballerina x

This week was a difficult one. In fact, I even didn't fast at all. The reason ? It was freezing cold inside, there were no heat at all so, inside, there was around 16°C, and, as I tend to be even colder when I fast, it was impossible for me to do it. I also had to stay in bed for most of the time as I had an asthmatic bronchitis. You can imagine easily how glad I am that that week is finished at last

I had to measure my waist, as OH has decided to offer me another corset (the one I have is too big) and the verdict is, Since January, I lost more than 15 cm. It was done after I gained my goal (I am on maintenance since the end of last December). The stomach and hips area is still melting away, even if I don't lose weight any more. In fact, my body is still changing which can be a bit stressful. I hate my boobs, even more than before, because now they have lot stretched marks and wrinkles. On the other hand, OH don't care and find me beautiful just how I am so who cares really ? He also keeps telling how proud he is of how much I changed, how more of a strong woman I became. I must admit, it's my most beautiful victory

I just fully realised something, being in love and in a good healthy relationship is the best asset for a successful weight loss. I began wanting to lose weight after I met my OH. Not because he wanted me to lose weight, he didn't care one bit and found me beautiful and sexy just as I was, but because I wanted to be and, most importantly, feel beautiful and stop hiding.

For years I kept saying that, my weight didn't matter, I didn't care, I was feeling great that way and that it was "too bad if you couldn't accept me for who I was". In fact I was more and more lonely, in my own cave, even finding reflect in the mirror to be disgusting. Can you imagine that I couldn't even shower with the light on (or during the day as there is a window in my bathroom) ?

When I met him, he had to win me over, I wasn't looking for anything and wanted him to go away. Well, that's what I was saying anyway as I was also beginning to acknowledge that the chemistry between us was really strong. As soon as we were together I knew it was different. Everything went smoothly, I wasn't in a constant fear that he would abandon me, I was completely relax and, well, I began to look after myself more. As I was feeling really great, the weight began to fell off really easily and didn't come back since. My fast days are always easy when we see each other - we don't live together but see each other several times a week -. I am naturally not hungry when I know we'll see each other on that night. More than that, I don't even have hunger pangs these days. It's really something strange...


Being raped was what led me to put on the weight, to hide my body and be sure that it wouldn't happen again and another man, a wonderful man this one, is one of the reason I successfully lost that same weight. Oh the irony of it.....

@Manderley, personal victory is a wonderful thing, so freeing and strengthening.

I just discovered a friend of mine is anorexic and she thinks I am one as well. That's how she began to open up about it. After I straightened things out, we had a long talk about it and she finished saying "how can you not resist to the temptation of stopping eating all together ? It's so empowering ! "

She's right, it is. Once I did a 4 days in a raw fast by accident, it wasn't planned, it just happened and it freaked me out. You see, at the end of these 4 days I should have been starving, it should have been a struggle but it wasn't. In fact, I felt great. My body was liking it, I had no hunger pangs, had lots of energy and I felt in control. Except I wasn't. Sure, I was looking great, even lost a few inches in those 4 days but the less I ate, the less I wanted to eat. It wasn't a question of body image but a question of power.

Just so you know, she thinks I am anorexic because of all the weight I lost. The last time we saw each other was before I began to lose weight and as I never talked about being on a diet, which I am not I just changed my way of eating, which is different, it was a bit of a shock for her that a 40 years old woman can lose weight. Because, you know, you can only lose weight in your 20s, right ?

@Manderley - so good to hear that you are in a better frame of mind and reassuring to hear that ladies of a certain age do lose weight (I'm 40!). I'm also lucky that my OH loves me regardless of size and is very encouraging about my weight loss. I know what it's like to feel down and not feel that you can tell anyone - I think that's just how some of us are programmed - sometimes we need a special, true friend who we can just be honest with - we don't expect them to solve our problems but just talking it over can help. Maybe if you don't have anyone like that nearby, posting here can help you through those feelings.

Much love

Hey Manderley

Just reading the other week about the #1 Habit to Lose Weight
It's so true, and here it is:-

#1 Habit to Lose Weight -
find people to share your journey.

Manderley, you have done this and you are on your way.
Wishing you all the best in life
tenshi

It is very possible to lose weight post-menopause. I lost 35 lbs over the course of a year at age 55. But it took an obsessive concentration on calories to do it, which hadn't been the case when I was younger and could lose weight just by cutting out desserts, bread, and potatoes.

Re the miraculous lack of hunger while on prolonged fasts:. This is due to being in a ketogenic state where the body has switched to burning ketones and free fatty acids rather than glucose. You can get that same effect by eating a very low carb diet (one where you are eating less than 40 g of carbs a day.) But with that diet you can eat enough protein that you don't end up cannibalizing muscle to provide glucose for your brain the way you do when eating nothing. The fact that ketogenic diets can completely suppress hunger is why some people are so enthusiastic about them.

But if you fast without eating protein, the way that anorexics do, you run into the problem that you need a certain amount of glucose at all time to feed your neurons, and if it isn't coming in from diet, the body will break down its own muscles to get the proteins it can convert in the liver to glucose. Some of the muscle it breaks down is heart muscle and muscle in other vital organs. Over time, this will kill you.

If you enjoyed that feeling of lack of hunger, you might try doing an Atkins style of eating, keeping your carbs very, very low. The freedom from hunger can be such a relief. Also, if you find a ketogenic state relieves hunger, it is often the tipoff that you are running higher than normal blood sugars--ones too low to show up on doctors' screening tests but high enough to make you hungry even when you eat. Sometimes even hungrier after you eat.

It really really freaked me out, I didn't like it one bit. I feel reassuring to have the hunger pangs, even now. It made me realise that it was easy to slip in the dark side. The power you feel is so overwhelming that you could be tempted to go further. In my case, it was so overwhelming I made sure it wouldn't happen again. Anyway, it was at the very beginning and it never happened since.

Since I am on maintenance I include proteins in my fasts, as they are not 500 cals any more. I will include almonds, home made peanut butter, lentils, soy beans, etc.

I was going through my baby pictures, we shared pictures of that kind with my OH during the weekend and it was so cute, and I was a tiny tiny baby. I mean, I am 2 months premature, which was a big deal in 1974, had really big health issues the first years like convulsions in the morning, an infectious mononucleosis at 3, which was rare at the time. After that, I was a skinny little thing until I was 18 and the thing happened. In the pictures you can see a huge difference between before and after.... After that, no more pictures, with one exception in 2006. I am still not ready to be on the pictures yet. Maybe in a year or 2. I don't like my face in the pictures, don't know how to smile or don't look awkward.

On another note, some of you know that I am new in the serious relationship area and I think it's going that way for quite some time now and, please don't laugh, I am a bit freaking out. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart but it's the first time a man is so serious, talking about offering me jewellery - and asking me what I want, I chose a neckless by the way -, talking about the future, making plans, sharing baby pictures, including me in his family, presenting me his children, siblings, I will even meet his mother in the next weeks.... I know, to be that way at 40 is silly but still.. Maybe it's the idea to become the stepmum of a 27 years old grown up kid that freaks me out...

I don't know how long it will take before my body catches up with the changes but it's beginning to get old....

Some of you know, as I wrote a topic about it some weeks ago, I have some issues in the butt area. I treated the haemorrhoids without treating the cause so, guess what, they came back with a vengeance. So now I am treating the cause of that and the fissure (is that the right translation, it looks like a cut) and damn it's painful...

The thing is, I have to re-educate my digestive system as my digestion became really really slow since I lost weight, which is not a big deal, it happens a lot but, if I don't want to be in pain each time I go to the loo, it's better if I change it. So, right now I am changing my habits and it seems to work. For now anyway. I drink a fresh lemon, grapefruit or orange juice as soon as I get up (vitamin C is a natural laxative), eat 5 prunes a day, take 2 teaspoons of oats, I am not sure how it would translate in English but it's suppose to help, drink 2 to 3l water a day, put aloe vera and go to the loo at the same time every day and, good news, for 4 days now, it's working.... but will it take long to really go back to normal without having to watch everything I eat and drink ?

Also, we had a discussion with OH about my boobs. Will I or won't I make them smaller as they are way too big now for a small frame ? The discussion is still open, I am afraid of surgery as the 2 last times I had to have one, I nearly died because of an intolerance to the anaesthesia. On the other hand, I really really hate my boobs now and am a bit ashamed of them as they lost shape. We'll see...

Ouch - the fissure/tear sounds wretchedly uncomfortable. I hope that you resolve your digestive transit issues - I still find mine problematic enough and I don't have haemorrhoids.

Good grief, those are serious issues to have with anaesthesia. As your body still seems to be going through recomposition, it may be tricky to ascertain what will happen to your shape overall - and when it might be appropriate to have surgery (if that's your eventual decision).

Do you have a good relationship with your step-child/ren?

@Ssure His children are all grown ups, which is weird for me. Let's just say that it's complicated. He was with their mother for 35 years and, even if I wasn't the reason why he left her, I can imagine it's not easy to accept another woman. One of his children has a handicap, syndrome, I don't even know how to explain it so it's even more complicated. Can you imagine that it's my first real serious relationship and the first man who I plan a future with ? I mean, where I give a damn and where the feelings are balanced, we both love each other with the same strength. It's scary but, on the other hand, if I am where I am now, if I lost and maintained like I did and still do, it's because I feel whole, womanly, happy, fulfilled. He's the only man who told me I am beautiful, I see pride in his eyes when we go out together, I feel strong because of him and when you only had complicated or bad relationships, it's a big deal...

When it comes to the surgery, if it takes place it won't be before 2 to 3 years anyway so there's plenty of time to make a decision....

For those who have the same issue, aloe vera is great to help the healing. As soon as I tried it I felt a huge difference and it's good for hair and skin as well For now it seems the changes I made in my eating habits are working great, so crossing toes and fingers for it to stay that way Another motivation than the pain is a pure shallow one, my tummy is flat if my digestion goes smoothly so I have everything to gain in making it work

Today is an half empty day. My mother fell down, again and I had to rush to my parents house early this morning to help my dad to get her up. I was so angry against her my whole body was trembling. Since I lost weight, my emotions are way bigger than they were. A bit if I was pregnant and hormonal, which I am not. I don't even take the pill. Also, last night I had a scare, a bit of blood on the toilet paper, that freaked me out and I went to the E.R. In fact, there's nothing wrong with me, an haemorrhoid just deflated and is now pierced, which is good, my digestion is much better, it's just a question of a few days and it will be a bad memory.